Join us as we welcome our guest, Rod Jeter. Rod is a best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and couples coach who created “YBAngry” (pronounced “Why Be Angry”), the relationship game where all you have to do to win is play. Rod’s game approach helps couples overcome seemingly insurmountable disagreements that have lasted decades in just minutes - NO FUSS - NO DRAMA.
[00:00:00] After over 25 years of marriage, we've learned that successful couples have great friendships,
[00:00:09] put each other first and focus on life just as much as love.
[00:00:13] We believe marriage should be fun and easy.
[00:00:16] Our goal is to share our journey with the hopes of helping others build strong happy relationships.
[00:00:22] Join us as we continue to create our lives beyond I Do.
[00:00:30] We are not marriage counselors nor are we mental health professionals.
[00:00:36] We're just simply sharing y'all how we navigated through our marriage.
[00:00:39] Now, on with the show.
[00:00:42] Welcome back to The Beyond I Do podcast.
[00:00:51] We have Paul and Michanda with us and we also have Mr. Rajita with us who is the creator
[00:00:58] of the YB Angry Game.
[00:01:02] This is a game for couples to work through any issues or concerns that they have and so
[00:01:08] we're going to get started.
[00:01:10] Alright, let's start with it too, Mr. Jeeve.
[00:01:14] What was the foundation of creating this day?
[00:01:18] So I always tell people, my wife is a wonderful, wonderful person.
[00:01:23] You know, my entire family loves me too.
[00:01:27] But after about ten years of being married, I was wanting to check out.
[00:01:32] She wanted divorce but she hadn't done anything.
[00:01:35] You know, I hadn't called her lying or she wouldn't know.
[00:01:38] Also, I just wanted out.
[00:01:43] So I talked to my wife about going to counseling and being the person she is, she agreed.
[00:01:50] So we went to counseling and we got kicked out of counseling.
[00:01:54] When we were supposed to be 12 or 16 weeks old, it was my fault.
[00:01:58] I was being stubborn.
[00:02:00] The counselor wanted us to do this exercise and I didn't want to do it.
[00:02:05] Anyway, so after that, I said, it's a shame we didn't get the benefits of another eight
[00:02:12] weeks of counseling.
[00:02:13] I'm sure my wife could have learned something right?
[00:02:15] No, no.
[00:02:16] But so I said Lord, if I'm staying as a relationship, I need to see some progress for
[00:02:24] right now.
[00:02:25] So I said down and started working on stuff, something.
[00:02:27] I didn't know what.
[00:02:29] And when it dawned on me that we had had some disagreements along the way, you know, she's
[00:02:32] the one, I'm a man, she grew up in the high, I grew up in South Carolina.
[00:02:35] We just different people, right?
[00:02:37] But if we were able to resolve those disagreements as they happened, I'd be happy with them.
[00:02:44] So I sat out to do something to help couples resolve their disagreements.
[00:02:50] And this is what we came up with, the game.
[00:02:53] Now, you mentioned, you said to help the, to resolve issues as they come about.
[00:03:01] And so we got to see a demo earlier and you walked, call him a chanda through an issue
[00:03:08] and they did, they won the game.
[00:03:11] But you also mentioned that this sets them up to be able to then play the game on their
[00:03:18] own.
[00:03:19] So you said as the issues come up, is that something that was if we're going at it back and
[00:03:26] forth, we stopped and say.
[00:03:29] So what I meant was unlike, you know, going through therapy, when I coach a couple, I coach
[00:03:37] them on how to play the game, once they learn how to play the game, they can use those
[00:03:43] skills in their day-to-day lives.
[00:03:46] So you know, one of the main steps in here is when you say, so what you're saying to
[00:03:53] me is and you repeat back to the other person, what you believe they mean.
[00:03:57] So later on, when you're walking through the house and the husband says something to
[00:04:00] the wife, she can say, so what you're saying to me is, and they can make sure they're
[00:04:04] on the same page.
[00:04:05] And it kind of keeps them in the idea that I'm just playing a game and I'm nagging at you.
[00:04:11] I just want to make sure I understand what you're saying.
[00:04:14] But he can come and say, no, what I meant was this instead of going back and forth with
[00:04:20] each other.
[00:04:21] So they were learning how to do this in community.
[00:04:25] Even outside of the context of let's sit down and do the whole thing just as those things
[00:04:30] come about, you're learning communication.
[00:04:33] Well, no wife was like, no wife was like, you know what?
[00:04:35] Couples can sit down and every Sunday, just play the game.
[00:04:38] They could be the thing they do.
[00:04:40] They talk about what happened this week or, no, if you have some time set aside then it's
[00:04:47] easy to resolve stuff because you're going to sit down on Sunday and say, what are we
[00:04:50] going to talk about the day?
[00:04:51] What happened this week then?
[00:04:53] You or I didn't like.
[00:04:55] And they can talk about it and resolve those issues.
[00:04:59] But what I was saying is once they learn how to play the game, there are just 14 simple
[00:05:05] steps in here.
[00:05:07] And they can't just sit and come second nature.
[00:05:11] They don't have to.
[00:05:12] I don't care about the game.
[00:05:13] I like the game because honestly, like I said, the situation that the situation came
[00:05:16] about with us for as how can we say no to family without gay men?
[00:05:22] You know, I don't think she understood what's a deeper issue for me because due to day
[00:05:26] day things when things happen you don't necessarily talk about what's really on your mind.
[00:05:31] You just take a day and you just keep going.
[00:05:33] So when the opportunity comes about, it's when you talk about it.
[00:05:36] Sometimes it's not the best fashion to talk about it because emotions run high and stuff
[00:05:40] like it's like being in this environment.
[00:05:43] You know, you coach us along through this far high as you go by step by step because
[00:05:47] by stick, keep skipping steps that's basically what's going to get you to a whole different
[00:05:51] topic.
[00:05:52] So the father's step in the miracle order was the best thing for us.
[00:05:55] And just you know, let her know that it was easy for me.
[00:05:59] You were open mind listening.
[00:06:01] You made sure you understood that that was the issue I'll have and also I took away from
[00:06:05] it that you want to fix also.
[00:06:07] You know, the bigger benefit to fixing the issue is just playing a game just to play the
[00:06:13] game.
[00:06:14] And I totally agree with you gotta be honest with you playing the game because of life.
[00:06:18] You're not going to get to talk about this game.
[00:06:22] Right.
[00:06:23] There's no one that was on it.
[00:06:24] Yeah.
[00:06:25] That's one of my three tips.
[00:06:27] Like if people go to widebearing.com, they'll see a link there for three free tips and how
[00:06:34] they have to do is give me their name and email address and I'll send them a video with
[00:06:38] three free tips.
[00:06:39] And one of the things you say was one of my three free tips was that you don't try to
[00:06:44] resolve it while it's happening while it's hot.
[00:06:48] So yeah, you know, you have to wait till people come down on when it's not really an issue
[00:06:54] right now and sit down and play the game and it just makes us so much easier to resolve
[00:06:59] it.
[00:07:00] Because when you know, if you haven't stopped that you talk about it, if you want to
[00:07:03] talk to your spouse about what you're part and about, if you go to him say, we need
[00:07:07] to talk.
[00:07:08] You know, right?
[00:07:09] It's just hard to get through there.
[00:07:13] But if you say he had to listen to what he's angry again, then, you know, everybody's
[00:07:19] going to be open minded and it just works.
[00:07:22] And like I said earlier, the whole the whole basis of it is to know this front and back
[00:07:27] to where you can incorporate everyday aspects.
[00:07:30] You know, because a lot of times and I know how to listen to the past, it's not what
[00:07:34] you say is how you say it right.
[00:07:36] So asking that things or what you're telling me is or what you're sending me is, it makes
[00:07:40] them also think about what they're really going to say, you know, so they want to make
[00:07:44] sure they really understood you too.
[00:07:45] Then you can take a step back to listen and say, no, I wasn't saying that.
[00:07:49] I was saying this and then you go, okay, you bounce it back off each other.
[00:07:53] You know, communication is the biggest part of it in relationships.
[00:07:56] So you know, she goes to sleep angry.
[00:07:58] I can imagine.
[00:07:59] I could just be going a thousand miles a minute to think of what she's thinking, you know,
[00:08:04] same way with her, you know, hearing the phone, he's looking at, I might be looking
[00:08:07] at double videos.
[00:08:08] But the whole me, the whole groundwork, this is just better communication.
[00:08:16] That's ultimately, I can say that, you know, I wish you would and I know, you know, time
[00:08:25] all that is considered.
[00:08:27] I wish you would have had this thing about 15 years ago because her and I were going
[00:08:35] through our differences.
[00:08:37] We've been discussing a lot of times.
[00:08:39] She says, I just forget half the time because my process was real.
[00:08:46] I found that writing stuff down was better for me than the band.
[00:08:50] Something like this, because she would say stuff and I think when you're having a discussion
[00:08:56] for your audience, you say a lot of stuff in one breath.
[00:09:01] You say a lot of stuff more.
[00:09:03] You say there's no way you can get down to the basis of, okay, well, this is what you
[00:09:09] meant.
[00:09:10] You meant blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but writing it down, okay, you have the issue
[00:09:13] at hand.
[00:09:15] Okay, this is what you mean.
[00:09:17] And her and I have been discussed how, you know, doing this podcast, we have been able
[00:09:22] to talk about things and express what we meant at that time.
[00:09:26] I mean, I didn't think about that, man.
[00:09:29] I just thought you meant it this way.
[00:09:31] So it's definitely helpful, you know, as far as anybody, any couple in over the year,
[00:09:38] 50 years married or two months married.
[00:09:41] You got to do this game, tell me.
[00:09:43] It was very interesting watching you too long.
[00:09:46] I think to the fact that you put them in order, most important detail and that's where
[00:09:54] they resolved it.
[00:09:56] But then they still had the opportunity to look at the other details because then you
[00:10:00] don't leave anything kind of left hanging.
[00:10:03] Then there's no way out because you've got others to go through.
[00:10:07] Well, we end on the first one.
[00:10:10] Right.
[00:10:11] Yeah, that's that's that allows you to open the field a lot more.
[00:10:18] That's it.
[00:10:19] I want to ask, did you got, did you think you're going to resolve that one?
[00:10:22] I know we had any problem for like eight years, but could you think you're going to
[00:10:26] resolve that issue?
[00:10:27] Yes.
[00:10:28] Yes.
[00:10:29] I think so.
[00:10:30] No, when you started playing, did you think it was going to be resolved?
[00:10:34] I didn't think it first, no.
[00:10:35] Okay.
[00:10:36] No.
[00:10:37] But see, with this game, I had the opportunity.
[00:10:42] He might have mentioned some things before about things that weren't the best for me
[00:10:47] that I probably shouldn't be doing, but just actually sitting down where writing things
[00:10:51] down, listening to how he feels, he's listening how I feel.
[00:10:55] So I think that definitely helps in solving any issue in relationships.
[00:11:00] Yeah.
[00:11:01] One of the things I hear a lot on the card a lot of times one of the players would say
[00:11:06] I feel heard and that helps them resolve it.
[00:11:10] Even though that person might have said it to them, their partner 100 times already,
[00:11:15] when they sit down and play the game on the set in the APR just because the game is structured
[00:11:20] in a way to support really good communication, clear communication and that's all they
[00:11:30] really.
[00:11:31] I think so.
[00:11:32] So your background has to be, you have to have a significant background to come up with
[00:11:39] something like this.
[00:11:41] What is your background?
[00:11:42] So I have a message to be a software engineering but I haven't done that since 2001.
[00:11:49] Okay.
[00:11:50] So I'm really social media leader and all that stuff now.
[00:11:54] But remember, I said Lord, if I'm going to stay in this marriage, I need to see some progress
[00:12:00] right now.
[00:12:01] And I think he just bless me with this.
[00:12:04] Wow.
[00:12:05] So I'm not saying that America happened or anything like that, I just think he helped me with
[00:12:11] this so I can help people.
[00:12:14] So if as our listeners, as viewers are hearing us talk about this game, you mentioned the
[00:12:21] website, you mentioned your video with the three tips.
[00:12:26] So what happens when they see this and they were like, I have to get my hands on it.
[00:12:31] So if they go to YB Angry, the letter Y, the letter B, the word Angry, no spaces altogether,
[00:12:38] YB Angry.com, there you can, they can order the game, they can order the book or book,
[00:12:47] they can see my TED talk and there's also probably 40 or 50 videos on there where they
[00:12:54] can see other couples playing the game.
[00:12:58] So like if you have any trouble with your spouse, you guys are fighting about what is your
[00:13:03] buying a car or something.
[00:13:04] You can look on my website and see if there's a video like that.
[00:13:09] And you can watch another couple resolve it and they might help you talk about it.
[00:13:16] You just mentioned your TED talk.
[00:13:20] How did you work up the nerve to do that?
[00:13:23] That's a funny story but I just, I just supplied.
[00:13:31] I was just supplying it.
[00:13:33] Trying to, someone told me like a year before I actually did before I actually applied
[00:13:37] you should do a TED talk.
[00:13:38] But I didn't know what it was.
[00:13:42] And then one day I was on my phone and I saw somebody on stage doing a TED talk.
[00:13:48] And I said, you know what?
[00:13:49] I should do that.
[00:13:50] Try to let people know more about this.
[00:13:54] And so I started applying and San Diego was real tough but they picked me up and I, it
[00:14:03] worked well.
[00:14:04] Congratulations on the name of the place.
[00:14:06] Well, I enjoyed it.
[00:14:07] It's your hair.
[00:14:08] Right, right.
[00:14:09] I tell you, it was very interesting because we set up a meeting with this gentleman.
[00:14:18] It was early this week, Tuesday.
[00:14:22] Monday or Tuesday this week.
[00:14:24] And just kind of like you know, just making a light conversation, like you know, trying
[00:14:28] to set up a meeting to interview and he's mentioning it.
[00:14:33] He was making it so I was like, hey, two hours away and whatever.
[00:14:36] And he said he was going to business family.
[00:14:39] And he was like, well, I can come down.
[00:14:42] And he knows like, okay, let's do it.
[00:14:47] Here we are.
[00:14:48] But so you basically, how long have you been traveling around the country in New York?
[00:14:54] Because none of his videos are paid actors.
[00:14:58] Right.
[00:14:59] He's a people who he's admitted to do just that they weren't paid.
[00:15:04] They weren't, they were held.
[00:15:06] People who he's admitted to do the play the game.
[00:15:09] So how long have you been doing this?
[00:15:11] It's been about two years now.
[00:15:13] Like two years.
[00:15:14] Maybe two and a half years.
[00:15:15] Something like that.
[00:15:16] And you've helped how many couples?
[00:15:19] Oh.
[00:15:20] I got a video about 100.
[00:15:24] Oh wow.
[00:15:25] That's fantastic.
[00:15:27] Just all different issues and most common is should she initiate sex more often.
[00:15:33] Really?
[00:15:34] Yeah, that's the most common word.
[00:15:35] Not by a lot but that's the most common word.
[00:15:37] But it works every game just works every time they play it right.
[00:15:41] Right.
[00:15:42] And it could be a 15, 20 or 40 year issue.
[00:15:46] Only every they're going to resume in less than 26 minutes like these guys did.
[00:15:52] They're at 27 minutes but we have no.
[00:15:54] Yeah.
[00:15:55] This is June was you know my dust from a brother.
[00:16:04] Cheers.
[00:16:05] Yeah.
[00:16:06] Fantastic.
[00:16:07] Yo guys.
[00:16:08] Have a little question.
[00:16:09] I don't have a question.
[00:16:10] I just want to give a comment.
[00:16:11] You know, I felt like this is I wasn't expecting this to be the kind of game.
[00:16:19] Yeah.
[00:16:20] It's pretty neat to just see how quickly and effectively can be by following the steps
[00:16:25] and you know, it does lead to better communication.
[00:16:28] You know, right?
[00:16:29] And you know, that's what we always talk about.
[00:16:31] We want to know it.
[00:16:32] So, but so if you do play the game, be honest.
[00:16:35] Yeah.
[00:16:36] And that's one of the catalysts for us starting all of this was he heard a couple men interviewed
[00:16:43] and they said, what's the key to your relationship in these communication?
[00:16:47] That you don't get any concrete steps or what that means.
[00:16:52] So this is a concrete example of what that means in communication is the key and how to
[00:17:00] walk through that.
[00:17:01] If you if you don't know how to do that, this gives you step by step instructions.
[00:17:05] Yeah.
[00:17:06] You know, one of the things I really like about this game is that since I don't have experience
[00:17:13] in family therapy and stuff like that, to me, it means I'm just a regular guy that came
[00:17:19] up with something.
[00:17:21] It works.
[00:17:23] And that means just regular people should be able to play it.
[00:17:27] Yes.
[00:17:28] You know, without the help of a therapist and all that kind of stuff.
[00:17:32] Therapists can benefit from this too.
[00:17:33] I recorded four therapists playing the game.
[00:17:37] Wow.
[00:17:38] There might be six therapists that I've actually played the game with.
[00:17:42] And they like it because they can see the benefit and how it helped them.
[00:17:48] But in their profession, therapists can use this because if therapists were to teach their
[00:17:55] clients how to play this game, then their clients can come into therapy, not angry and mad
[00:18:03] over simple stuff.
[00:18:05] And then the therapists can work on things that are deep stuff, the things that they actually
[00:18:10] went to school for.
[00:18:11] Right.
[00:18:12] You know, right, right, daddy issues or whatever.
[00:18:15] Right.
[00:18:16] I don't know anything about this stuff.
[00:18:17] Yeah.
[00:18:18] So, and like I said, me and my wife, we got kicked out on the fifth or was supposed to be
[00:18:24] 12 or 16 weeks.
[00:18:26] And so a lot of people just don't finish therapy, I believe because they feel like they maintain
[00:18:31] that bone and that bone and stuff like this.
[00:18:35] So if they can get rid of those little issues, then the therapist can actually do the whole
[00:18:39] 12 or 16 years since she's going to be in the deep issue.
[00:18:41] Right.
[00:18:42] Take care of people better.
[00:18:43] But I just like because a regular people can do it and it works.
[00:18:49] Right.
[00:18:50] And also, I just want to add because most people don't want to go there.
[00:18:55] They don't want to talk about their problem with somebody else on the outside because some
[00:18:59] people just don't want people to be in their business.
[00:19:01] So like you said, it's for regular people.
[00:19:05] This keeps it in apps.
[00:19:06] Right.
[00:19:07] So, you know, all the steps, you can resolve right then and then.
[00:19:11] Yeah.
[00:19:12] And like I said, it's ongoing because you're going to always come across love there.
[00:19:16] You didn't think about or maybe I didn't know was the issue for you that you brought to
[00:19:20] my intention because you didn't know how to bring it to my attention.
[00:19:23] And they gain illustrates that very well how to bring it to the attention.
[00:19:26] Yeah.
[00:19:27] What you said about you not knowing this issue that happens a bit are quite a few people have
[00:19:34] played the game.
[00:19:35] And usually he didn't even know it was an issue.
[00:19:38] I mean, once that it was a June team.
[00:19:40] I've never got to see it in like 25 years and I was telling them about the game and I
[00:19:45] said, and I don't know what he had said to me but I said to him, you know, sometimes
[00:19:49] people play the game and they don't even know what they played was an issue.
[00:19:53] The next day I was having a wide-been group party where we get a few couples together
[00:19:58] and they all play wide-been group so I invited him.
[00:20:02] It's true enough after him and his wife played he said, well, I didn't even know that
[00:20:07] was an issue.
[00:20:08] I told you.
[00:20:09] We don't add issues.
[00:20:10] Just imagine how many people walk around because I know I'm guilty of something because
[00:20:21] I'm just like, oh, okay, and just let it go.
[00:20:24] And you think you're just letting it go but what you're doing is you're pressing it down
[00:20:29] and resting it down.
[00:20:30] And eventually it's going to come out.
[00:20:33] So just to be able to, like you said, dialogue about those things because it may not be a concern
[00:20:39] to him but if it's a concern to me we can address it and then move on.
[00:20:45] I think everything matters.
[00:20:48] One day I go see a couple and the first step is you have to agree on one issue to his
[00:20:55] own and I was saying that to this couple and they were kind of him following me trying
[00:20:59] to think of one.
[00:21:00] I said, well the couple yesterday did it on, should we buy a dryer?
[00:21:04] This couple says, oh that's not a big deal and I said, well it is if you're the one who
[00:21:09] has to kick this dryer once a week, if it's your role you might not be like putting as
[00:21:14] much love in it.
[00:21:15] Or you might not be like, you're the sexist right?
[00:21:19] Or the partner might come in with new power too.
[00:21:21] It was like, you didn't need that and deep down, she really wanted a dryer.
[00:21:25] We have the little issues permeating to other issues in the environment.
[00:21:29] If we just take care of things as they happen then we can, that means the couple is talking
[00:21:34] and they're understanding each other more and the bond is growing stronger.
[00:21:38] They'll just stay together forever.
[00:21:41] Absolutely.
[00:21:42] Those hard conversations, those hard things like being able to work through them, that
[00:21:48] does create a bond and a closeness and that just grows.
[00:21:54] They never reminds me when you talk about the communication.
[00:21:57] Most people think they are good communicators and really they're not.
[00:22:03] Whether they can articulate or not, they might be able to articulate whether they don't
[00:22:07] listen.
[00:22:08] One of the couples actually is the same couple that at the party, the wife being her party
[00:22:17] and the same couple where I said the guy didn't even know it was an issue.
[00:22:23] In the video he said, we're good communicators or something like that.
[00:22:27] But when it came to the park step forward, he or she had to say, so what you're saying
[00:22:34] to me is they had to do it four or five times to make sure.
[00:22:40] He was saying something out of remembrance.
[00:22:42] He or she, but one of them was saying something and the other one was just not getting it.
[00:22:47] So it took them four or five times.
[00:22:50] That's important because when you're frustrated, you're not going to be a patient and understand
[00:22:54] it.
[00:22:55] Things just keep themselves to it because we have so much less resource for them.
[00:23:00] So this helps us stay on the same page and be peaceful.
[00:23:06] Now have you ever had couples when they're in that stage of what I hear you're saying is,
[00:23:13] do they get frustrated with that?
[00:23:14] If they're not able to clearly articulate what the other one has said or do you kind
[00:23:19] of move them through?
[00:23:21] No, no.
[00:23:22] So what usually happens is if she says, if her issue was I wanted to buy a new car because
[00:23:30] this one has broken down three times the mass two months and then he goes, so what you're
[00:23:36] saying to me is this car's raggedy and she'll say no.
[00:23:44] It's not what I'm saying.
[00:23:45] You might be raggedy, but that don't mean it has broken down three times the mass two
[00:23:51] months.
[00:23:52] And so he'll have to say, so what you're saying is it's expensive to get told.
[00:24:00] Whatever in his head, that's not really what she's saying.
[00:24:05] He just keeps saying it and she'll say no.
[00:24:09] Sometimes I will interject and say, just tell him again what you say.
[00:24:13] Tell him again to make sure he's on the same page or I'll tell him to look at what she
[00:24:18] wrote.
[00:24:19] But you'll finally get it and they can move on.
[00:24:24] So they don't get frustrated.
[00:24:26] They probably might feel sorry for each other whereas have some compassion whereas when
[00:24:32] your friends are in the wrong mood, you might feel attacked or you might attack.
[00:24:39] I think that a lot of us have learned to listen to respond like this.
[00:24:46] So it's not like you're listening to your partner what they're saying.
[00:24:50] You're listening to respond.
[00:24:51] I mean, come back and get a say something.
[00:24:53] I'm guilty of that.
[00:24:54] That's what I'm used to.
[00:24:55] I'm going to visit to respond because she'll be like, so what you think about that?
[00:25:01] Right.
[00:25:02] Yeah, I will.
[00:25:03] I'll go ask the speaker.
[00:25:05] I'll ask the speaker.
[00:25:06] I'll help her like that.
[00:25:10] Without issue today one thing that was really key today that I want to point out was your
[00:25:16] issue was a 9.5.
[00:25:19] The first thing we did?
[00:25:20] No, it was a 9.
[00:25:21] It was a 9.
[00:25:22] That's how important it was on scale of 1 at 10.
[00:25:25] It was a 9 to him, but it was a 4 to her.
[00:25:31] So that let them know that they valued values were different on that detail of the issue.
[00:25:41] And remember I said if they can understand each other here then there would win the game.
[00:25:46] Most people in the game won the first card.
[00:25:49] But being able to come together where the values were the, I'm sorry, first have to know
[00:25:54] their values are different.
[00:25:56] So he's like they need to learn to defend themselves.
[00:26:01] I don't know what it was and she's like, I'm here.
[00:26:05] Right?
[00:26:06] Can they read a talk about it?
[00:26:10] She cared about it.
[00:26:11] I can say you're right.
[00:26:12] I'll whisper to you one lady.
[00:26:13] I don't mean what that detail was either but she wrote a zero.
[00:26:17] I think he was a 10 and she wrote a zero.
[00:26:20] That's important to understand that.
[00:26:27] This is something that's more significant to him.
[00:26:30] So maybe when those times come up and there is emotion, well that's why he behaves
[00:26:35] right because he, you know, it's more important so that's even important to be able to
[00:26:41] write the detail.
[00:26:43] Right.
[00:26:44] And she, she initiates sex more often.
[00:26:46] The guy often says he's tired or initiate not the time and that's his 10 or whatever.
[00:26:55] She might say zero doesn't matter who initiates.
[00:27:00] You know, and to him there's a big deal.
[00:27:03] A big deal.
[00:27:04] A big deal.
[00:27:05] Hey, it was against done.
[00:27:06] You know what you want.
[00:27:08] So it's good that once you realize all it's a 10 in here, it does make a difference.
[00:27:14] Right.
[00:27:15] And it also helps him to see that she didn't think it was that big idea who initiated it
[00:27:21] even though he's always talking about it.
[00:27:24] It definitely seems like you put the, now we're talking about it.
[00:27:31] It makes sense why you put the scale zero to 10 instead of just asking a person does
[00:27:37] it matter you because what you say?
[00:27:38] It's not about what you say how you say it.
[00:27:40] So you measure their conversation.
[00:27:41] Oh, yeah, that doesn't buy that.
[00:27:43] That's not the issue for me.
[00:27:45] That's the way worse than on the paper.
[00:27:48] It was the real.
[00:27:49] You know what I mean?
[00:27:50] It's easy to rank it just by pulling out there and you said we're bringing this deep
[00:27:57] brain into the fourth floor.
[00:27:59] This is the umbrella of everything that's underneath.
[00:28:01] So you know that this is like you said that's why most of everybody wasn't the first, you
[00:28:04] know, in the first car because it's right there.
[00:28:07] It's the most important issue in the first mind as it is.
[00:28:11] So saying that, that's pretty cool when you put the relevancy on the scale.
[00:28:16] So I think it's pretty neat.
[00:28:18] I think to the fact that all the details were done separately and they ranked them separately
[00:28:25] but then y'all put them together and ranked them so that it doesn't matter who was on
[00:28:34] what scale or where that person was on the scale.
[00:28:37] The detail, the issue is an issue that we both have to come together and work through.
[00:28:43] Yeah.
[00:28:44] I think if I'm understanding your thought process, I think you get it that way so nobody gets
[00:28:51] off of that one detail and that one may issue because some people will okay, okay,
[00:28:57] let me say about the car.
[00:28:58] But then you start talking about the house or talking about the shade.
[00:29:02] Let's just stick to this one problem.
[00:29:05] Let's conquer this one then we can bust it next.
[00:29:08] Right, that's why they don't separate cars.
[00:29:10] So because we don't want him complaining about how she cooks if this is their roles and
[00:29:16] she's complaining about the condition of the yard.
[00:29:20] You know, we never going to see how they are talking about different things.
[00:29:23] I think a lot of times the guy would be talking or the women would be fussing about something
[00:29:29] totally different.
[00:29:30] You know, you said like both parties win.
[00:29:39] The relationship win.
[00:29:40] Yeah, it's the kind of game you can't win by yourself.
[00:29:43] Right.
[00:29:44] The relationship have to win on you both loose.
[00:29:46] Right.
[00:29:47] So when those cars came to, because we were not, we were watching.
[00:29:52] So we weren't necessarily following along or anything we're watching and when you said
[00:29:56] put them in order I was like, they couldn't do that.
[00:29:59] Yeah, yeah.
[00:30:00] That's what I was thinking.
[00:30:01] They wanted to get there and put them in order.
[00:30:03] Then that's significant because that's the two of you coming together.
[00:30:08] So even though the detail that was rated highest was from you, that was the detail that
[00:30:13] was most important to both of you in order for both of you to win.
[00:30:17] So that was, I like the significance of that.
[00:30:20] Right.
[00:30:21] And they also started working together by just agreeing on the issue to resign.
[00:30:27] Right?
[00:30:28] So they started off working together versus him or her coming to me.
[00:30:38] We need to talk and it's one of the guys that's like, that's like, oh, dang.
[00:30:45] What I did was, I'm not doing music.
[00:30:50] You said, what am I doing now?
[00:30:53] That's what I did.
[00:30:55] You said, what am I doing now?
[00:30:59] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:02] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:06] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:08] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:09] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:10] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:11] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:12] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:13] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:14] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:15] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:16] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:17] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:18] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:19] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:20] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:21] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:22] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:23] I'm not doing music.
[00:31:24] She took us along the right path.
[00:31:26] That's why before he did it to Mrs. photon.
[00:31:32] You do have to精, you have to make sure I got out.
[00:31:42] That's it you're to do with the writing...
[00:31:47] You have to limit
[00:31:54] Make sure to turn it.
[00:31:55] Turn it, and put this joke on the other key.
[00:31:57] Okay.
[00:31:58] Okay.
[00:31:58] Because remember it's all about repeating education
[00:32:02] and understanding.
[00:32:04] Right.
[00:32:04] So if you want him to repeat back to you
[00:32:07] what you said, you can't say a whole lot.
[00:32:10] Right.
[00:32:10] Right.
[00:32:11] So let him understand a little bit to see if you were
[00:32:15] and let him make sure he understands that
[00:32:17] all vice versa.
[00:32:18] Yeah.
[00:32:19] And they can stay on the same page.
[00:32:20] So that's why I just leave a little space in there.
[00:32:23] So they can't play too much.
[00:32:25] I haven't had to stop with people.
[00:32:26] I said, you know what it says?
[00:32:27] I don't think you're like,
[00:32:29] don't say a little over the back
[00:32:31] because of the show.
[00:32:32] For the details.
[00:32:33] Because it is still, he has to do it.
[00:32:36] Right.
[00:32:36] Tell you what to do.
[00:32:37] Right.
[00:32:38] As for a second straight away.
[00:32:39] Right.
[00:32:40] Right.
[00:32:41] Really hard.
[00:32:42] I'm going to do this so man.
[00:32:43] How much eight you got in this opinion?
[00:32:45] I'm going to do that.
[00:32:47] And I feel like you also learn,
[00:32:48] you learn something about your father,
[00:32:51] you probably know.
[00:32:54] Because you got to think when you meet someone,
[00:32:55] you're not asking how to be right
[00:32:58] or anything like that.
[00:32:59] How they understand it and things.
[00:33:00] So when you ask them a question,
[00:33:02] sometimes I'd rather say you're just listening
[00:33:04] to get ready to respond again.
[00:33:05] You're not absorbing that information.
[00:33:07] So you've got to find out
[00:33:09] how do I attack this situation
[00:33:11] where that person can better understand it?
[00:33:13] Because then what does father
[00:33:14] want to write the issue then?
[00:33:16] Then you have another issue you have to deal with
[00:33:19] rather than just saying, okay,
[00:33:20] this why we can't play the game.
[00:33:21] Because there's deeper issues.
[00:33:23] I think it helps put a lot of stuff
[00:33:25] in the perspective, you know,
[00:33:27] a little bit at first.
[00:33:28] That was well said, except you said attack.
[00:33:30] You were the attacker this year.
[00:33:33] Okay, okay.
[00:33:34] We'll work out.
[00:33:36] That was good though.
[00:33:38] I think that when you hear communication,
[00:33:41] you oftentimes think of speaking.
[00:33:44] So when I communicate,
[00:33:46] but the other part of communication is listening.
[00:33:50] And so by writing it down,
[00:33:52] that takes that part out in your force to read it.
[00:33:56] And then the other person has to say,
[00:33:58] this is what I understand and that back and forth.
[00:34:01] So communication is more than just what you say.
[00:34:05] That's how you do this and awesome.
[00:34:08] Okay, clear.
[00:34:09] I had a guy he used to work for us.
[00:34:11] He said, I was forced to hear her.
[00:34:14] So that's me.
[00:34:15] Yeah.
[00:34:17] Yeah, no, in a lot of terms,
[00:34:18] the lady would say, I felt heard.
[00:34:20] Right.
[00:34:21] Of course they're actually listening to people listening to that.
[00:34:24] Right.
[00:34:25] Awesome.
[00:34:26] Fantastic.
[00:34:27] So if you don't mind listening to this,
[00:34:30] no, what, how much does this game cost?
[00:34:34] The game is 1999.
[00:34:36] 1999.
[00:34:37] 1999.
[00:34:38] That's a cheap date.
[00:34:39] Yeah.
[00:34:40] It's cheap.
[00:34:41] You know what I mean?
[00:34:43] It ain't hilarious.
[00:34:45] And you get a lot of benefit out there.
[00:34:46] Right.
[00:34:47] Yeah.
[00:34:48] Because who doesn't want to have a peaceful, a peaceful home environment, a peaceful relationship
[00:34:57] and all of that?
[00:34:58] A lot of times, even though there are always going to be bigger issues, I think a lot of
[00:35:04] times just little things that always gets people to break up.
[00:35:10] You know, you can get up, go through deeper stuff but a little stuff here, a little
[00:35:16] stuff here, a little stuff here and that just cooks away at your foundation.
[00:35:19] So I mean, being in it, 19 man, man, you get released with all these issues is working
[00:35:27] and the big issues.
[00:35:28] Right.
[00:35:29] And always the courage when I sit down with people to give me their hardest one.
[00:35:32] Like I did read guys, give me the hardest one that you think you can't set up or the
[00:35:36] thing has been going on the longest while I'm there to coach them from the game.
[00:35:43] You mentioned a cheap date.
[00:35:44] I say before someone makes a commitment to getting a relationship with someone, they should
[00:35:52] play the game.
[00:35:53] Right.
[00:35:54] Because if couples that have been fighting about something for 30 or 40 years, if they
[00:35:59] are able to resolve their disagreements and they have a history of what about when you
[00:36:03] did this to me and what about that?
[00:36:05] About your negative stuff.
[00:36:06] Yeah.
[00:36:07] Well, when you first meet someone, you looking at everything through roles, color, glasses
[00:36:11] and everything.
[00:36:12] And you both are.
[00:36:13] Yes.
[00:36:14] And if you can't win the game when you're both at your best and you don't have that history
[00:36:19] then, you're probably not compatible because I believe if you give two reasonable people,
[00:36:24] they have the same dad in their head, they'll come up with the same reasonable conclusion
[00:36:28] if they're reasonably compatible.
[00:36:30] Right.
[00:36:31] Right.
[00:36:32] That makes sense.
[00:36:33] So that will save your life ahead of it.
[00:36:34] I agree.
[00:36:35] To know now that this guy, you know, okay.
[00:36:40] I want to have dog.
[00:36:42] I want a dog and can we have a dog when we get married?
[00:36:46] You can't settle that or where you going to live or should you have a kid?
[00:36:51] That's going to be.
[00:36:53] Then there's no right.
[00:36:54] It's an uphill battle before the battle begins.
[00:36:58] Right.
[00:36:59] And that does a real different one.
[00:37:00] Difficult ones.
[00:37:01] I said this one couple and this was all new to me.
[00:37:07] And it was, should they stud carry the baby?
[00:37:11] You know what a stud is?
[00:37:12] Oh yeah.
[00:37:13] You know what a stud is?
[00:37:14] Yeah.
[00:37:15] Yeah.
[00:37:16] In terms of animals or humans.
[00:37:20] Okay.
[00:37:21] Yes.
[00:37:22] I didn't know what a stud was.
[00:37:24] To me, I don't know if I can say the word now but I didn't know what a stud was but I'm
[00:37:31] like, you know, so let's be a couple.
[00:37:33] You know what an ax like a man is the stud and then one that's like a girl is the
[00:37:38] fiam.
[00:37:40] So there is she was should the stud carry the baby?
[00:37:42] I'm saying myself, no that's why she want to be a stud.
[00:37:46] Yeah, that's right baby.
[00:37:51] But they resolve it.
[00:37:52] Well as long as they resolve it.
[00:37:54] Yeah.
[00:37:55] When they talked about everything all you have to do is communicate instead of a person
[00:38:01] if you talk and listen and understand each other, they'll come to an agreement.
[00:38:07] Wow.
[00:38:08] And I'd likely idea of going into it even though those basic with kids and where we live
[00:38:15] and kids.
[00:38:16] We'll tell you this one.
[00:38:17] So yeah, I had gone like two or three months where I didn't have an issue that I was like,
[00:38:23] oh, I don't think I'm going to be able to settle this one.
[00:38:25] And then I go see this one couple.
[00:38:28] Their issue is should we should we spank the kids, right?
[00:38:32] Now look, that's not that big of a deal except for he was the one who wanted to spank
[00:38:37] the kids.
[00:38:39] He grew up in his butt who he said she grew up not getting any weapons, right?
[00:38:45] So that's already tough right there, right?
[00:38:47] But the real tough part was they were her kids.
[00:38:50] Right?
[00:38:51] No, like oh man, you know what I'm saying?
[00:38:54] Oh man.
[00:38:55] But hey, they said it's a big school.
[00:38:58] Wow.
[00:38:59] Right.
[00:39:00] They didn't even do it right?
[00:39:01] Right.
[00:39:02] But they were able to sell it.
[00:39:04] So the thing is once a couple come to an agreement, so like the couple that did the, should
[00:39:12] this third character maybe, they didn't agree on them.
[00:39:15] Usually you're trying to agree on them yes or no.
[00:39:17] Right.
[00:39:18] That's how you win the game.
[00:39:20] So like the third couple, they agreed that the lady would go to the doctor because one
[00:39:25] of the reasons why she didn't want to have a baby because she didn't think she could
[00:39:29] physically deal with it because she had to have some health problems.
[00:39:33] Okay.
[00:39:34] So they agreed to go to the doctor.
[00:39:38] Right.
[00:39:39] So now at least they're not nagging at each other, they can be cool and guard on dates
[00:39:46] and know that hey, she's got a doctor for me.
[00:39:48] And after that, we'll just play the game again if we need to.
[00:39:51] Right.
[00:39:52] But they have peace.
[00:39:54] Right.
[00:39:55] Well, and then like to have those issues and going back and forth with no resolve, that's
[00:40:00] kind of like a baseless, what's the point other than to go back and forth with each other?
[00:40:06] We're not gonna come to some type of compromise, some type of resolution.
[00:40:11] There's already enough us in there to work.
[00:40:13] Right.
[00:40:14] And I can't speak for anybody but myself, but I love my peace.
[00:40:19] Right.
[00:40:20] I don't like a lot of bads.
[00:40:23] So I couldn't imagine coming home to a situation where I know there's a recurrent issue
[00:40:31] that hadn't been resolved.
[00:40:33] I don't think people mean to call us drama.
[00:40:36] You know, we say no personal drama.
[00:40:38] It's just that when one party talks to their partner about something, especially if it's
[00:40:47] the fifth time you're talking to me about it, then I might feel nagged.
[00:40:52] Right.
[00:40:53] You know, and that's when I'm in motion to get up.
[00:40:57] And so but if we're sitting down and thinking, and we agree that we're gonna talk about this,
[00:41:02] then I don't feel like you're nagging me now because I already agreed to talk about
[00:41:07] it.
[00:41:08] You know, talking to versus talking and situations.
[00:41:12] Right.
[00:41:13] Right.
[00:41:14] We are talking to each other and you're not just throwing things at me.
[00:41:17] And actually I learned something about myself today playing this while the A&M that in
[00:41:21] order to win, you have to be able to communicate, you have to be able to listen.
[00:41:25] And previously I would listen to my husband but I wasn't listening.
[00:41:30] I was ready to save my part, save my peace.
[00:41:34] So this teacher's meeting to write it down because I'm better with writing.
[00:41:38] And then I'm just gonna be able to listen to some of the things down.
[00:41:39] Like sometimes we may have a disagreement.
[00:41:40] We're talking, I'm going out of the room.
[00:41:41] I get on my phone and I text them.
[00:41:42] You know, it makes me feel better.
[00:41:43] I got out exactly what I wanted to say.
[00:41:44] So this game is very helpful with that.
[00:41:45] Yeah.
[00:41:46] Definitely.
[00:41:47] I was just saying wait, it's so funny.
[00:41:48] You can't see it like I'm going to wait too.
[00:41:49] Yeah.
[00:41:50] Something the same club.
[00:41:51] You want now?
[00:41:52] From the same club.
[00:41:53] Yeah.
[00:41:54] Something the same club.
[00:41:55] Something the same club.
[00:41:56] Yeah.
[00:41:57] Something the same club.
[00:41:58] Yeah.
[00:41:59] Something the same club.
[00:42:00] You want now?
[00:42:01] From the same club.
[00:42:02] Yeah.
[00:42:03] Something the same club.
[00:42:04] Yeah.
[00:42:05] Some people say writing down, when they write it down, they say I don't make sense.
[00:42:11] You know, they get to see what they wrote.
[00:42:13] Yeah.
[00:42:14] They realize that's not really what they mean.
[00:42:15] Yeah.
[00:42:16] You know, so it gives them the chance to say the right thing.
[00:42:19] Yeah.
[00:42:20] I'm a writer too but I get very passionate.
[00:42:24] So if I'm speaking, I might let the emotion take over what I'm saying.
[00:42:29] But when I'm writing, I is more difficult to do that.
[00:42:33] And I can be more logical and clear.
[00:42:36] So yeah, if I'm writing it just, it's just saying rude.
[00:42:39] And I might not want to say rude but it's like, I'm like that.
[00:42:42] I have to speak on it so you can hear my emotion.
[00:42:45] You can feel that yeah, I understand what you're coming from.
[00:42:48] Yeah.
[00:42:49] Yeah.
[00:42:50] It'll take some time to be something so open in it.
[00:42:54] Well we'd like to thank you, Mr. G, for joining us.
[00:42:58] Also again, Michelle M. Paul for joining us on this episode of...
[00:43:02] The Beyond Outdo podcast.
[00:43:05] And Mr. G, would you like to share your contact information with our guests?
[00:43:10] So if someone wants to email me, I can be reached out to Mr. Rodger, MR.
[00:43:16] R-O-D-J-E-T-E-R at YB-Angry.com.
[00:43:20] That's the letter Y, the letter B, and the letter A and the letter A.
[00:43:24] But if they go to my website YB-Angry.com, from there they can check out my YouTube channel.
[00:43:32] It's YB-Angry.
[00:43:34] You know, they start by being with Andy.
[00:43:37] You can see a ton of couples actually playing the game and follow it step by step.
[00:43:42] There's a how to play YB-Angry step by step video on there.
[00:43:46] There's a YBC, it works, video, you know?
[00:43:50] And you can get all that from the website.
[00:43:53] And please get the three free tips on how to resolve disagreements without arguing.
[00:43:59] Just click on the link, shoot me your name and email address, and I'll shoot them a video.
[00:44:04] I'll ask three free tips.
[00:44:07] Okay, that's about that.
[00:44:09] And hopefully soon we'll see y'all on there.
[00:44:12] Alright, make sure in the meantime to check us out on Facebook and Instagram and our YouTube channel.
[00:44:23] And we will make sure to include all of the links so that you can find the YB-Angry game yourself.
[00:44:30] Until next time, we will holla at y'all.
[00:44:35] Peace out.