Transforming Your Life with Regina Sloan

[00:00:03] After over 25 years of marriage, we've learned that successful couples have great friendships, put each other first, and focus on light just as much as love.

[00:00:12] We believe marriage should be fun and easy.

[00:00:15] Our goal is to share our journey with the hopes of helping others build strong, happy relationships.

[00:00:22] Join us as we continue to create our lives beyond I do.

[00:00:36] Do you and your partner want to learn simple ways to grow closer?

[00:00:39] Do you and your partner want to grow happier together?

[00:00:43] Do you and your partner want to be a unified front?

[00:00:46] Do you and your partner want to divorce-proof your marriage?

[00:00:50] If you answer yes to these questions, you need to check out our book, A Locker Forever, 10 Keys to a Successful Marriage Beyond I Do.

[00:00:59] Each section focuses on a different aspect of marriage and briefly describes how we handled it in our relationship.

[00:01:05] At the end of the section, you're given an action step or key to complete with your partner.

[00:01:10] These keys are practical steps you can immediately implement in your relationship and help you or your partner be proactive and intentional about your relationship.

[00:01:20] You can purchase your copy on Amazon.com.

[00:01:23] And until next time, we will holler at y'all.

[00:01:36] Before we get into our episode, we want to share this disclaimer.

[00:01:39] We are not marriage counselors, nor are we mental health professionals.

[00:01:44] We simply want to share with you what has worked in our marriage.

[00:01:47] Now, on to our episode.

[00:02:00] Welcome back to the Beyond I Do podcast.

[00:02:04] We have with us a special, special guest.

[00:02:08] And the reason why she is special, because we had been trying to meet her several times before.

[00:02:14] She's laughing now, but, you know, it just seemed like, you know, we just could not get it together.

[00:02:21] We chased each other for about a month, I think, wasn't it?

[00:02:23] It was.

[00:02:25] And I think we both were a little nervous.

[00:02:27] Like, what is this?

[00:02:29] So finally, when we saw each other, we said, oh, she does exist.

[00:02:33] So we do exist.

[00:02:36] But we have the pleasure of talking to Miss Regina Sloan, who is here with us to talk about life coaching.

[00:02:45] And she helps women overcome obstacles and create the life they want through emotional resilience.

[00:02:52] So welcome to the Beyond I Do podcast, Regina.

[00:02:56] Well, thank you.

[00:02:57] Thank y'all so much for having me.

[00:02:59] And yes, let's just be honest that y'all was chasing, like I was the one rescheduling.

[00:03:04] And it wasn't possible.

[00:03:06] And I swear that Thursday was like, listen, I'm just going to hide after this.

[00:03:10] If I, I'm just going to act like I forgot.

[00:03:13] I was like, well, maybe she saw this to the podcast.

[00:03:17] Maybe she said goodbye.

[00:03:20] But I admired the persistence.

[00:03:24] And then once we, like that, just like now, the very first time we logged in, there was, we started talking.

[00:03:33] And so I don't know what all that was.

[00:03:35] The timing was off.

[00:03:36] But we're glad that you're here with us now.

[00:03:40] We're excited because just from the meet and greet, you have so much to offer.

[00:03:45] And in fact, when we got done there, you connected us with others.

[00:03:49] So we appreciate you taking the time to be with us.

[00:03:53] And if you would tell the listeners a little bit about Regina, what it is that you do and how you got started.

[00:04:02] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:04:03] Thank you.

[00:04:03] So I am a mom.

[00:04:06] I'm a wife.

[00:04:06] We have four children together, ages 3 to 18.

[00:04:10] Bless you.

[00:04:11] Yeah.

[00:04:12] Yeah.

[00:04:13] We can do a whole podcast on that.

[00:04:15] You know what?

[00:04:16] That's about our spread.

[00:04:19] Oh, is it?

[00:04:20] It's pretty close.

[00:04:21] And ours came with some ups, downs, and differences.

[00:04:25] But at one point, we had the little one until she was 8.

[00:04:31] And then the other two were upper teens.

[00:04:37] And so there was that big gap.

[00:04:40] Bless me.

[00:04:42] Right.

[00:04:43] I need it.

[00:04:44] It definitely has its pros and cons, 100%.

[00:04:47] And as we go, the pros and cons get even deeper, for sure.

[00:04:51] But we're just rolling with it because we don't have no other option or we choose not to have another option.

[00:04:55] Right.

[00:04:56] Right.

[00:04:56] You know, yeah, we have that.

[00:04:58] And my first career is actually nursing.

[00:05:01] This is my 11th year.

[00:05:03] I say about 2019 or so, I decided I wanted to get into entrepreneurship.

[00:05:06] My husband has been an entrepreneur his entire life.

[00:05:09] And I've watched that and just kind of wanting to, initially it was like wanting to own my own time.

[00:05:14] And me clocking in for 12 hours and being gone all day, I'm just like, I don't really like this.

[00:05:19] I've never been a fan of, since I got into nursing, say five or six years into that, of how we do medicine here in the West Coast of the world.

[00:05:30] And so, just, I found that also what I was doing was mostly around people, like what they're thinking about themselves and even their health and what's possible.

[00:05:41] You know, our mindsets were super powerful.

[00:05:43] And that's what I learned through nursing, that although I was helping them in the medical space, a lot of conversations and things and transformations that were being had were the conversations I had with them.

[00:05:53] So, that kind of got me, you know, thinking a little bit and I got into, I don't know how I initially heard of coaching.

[00:05:59] Probably was like something on Facebook or something.

[00:06:02] But I'm like, at that time we were getting our personal finances together, paying off debts, we can buy our first house and things like that.

[00:06:09] And we had been doing that for a couple of years.

[00:06:11] So, I had got that down for us.

[00:06:12] And I'm like, well, I can help people do this.

[00:06:14] And I hear there's financial coaches.

[00:06:16] And so, I got certified in that.

[00:06:18] Had one client and quit, like got super scared.

[00:06:22] I don't know if I have mistakes.

[00:06:24] Like literally, she paid me $200 to sit with her for an hour and go over her finances and help her figure it out.

[00:06:30] And she has reached out so many times since then.

[00:06:33] Girl, I still use what you told me.

[00:06:34] You changed my life.

[00:06:35] And here I am.

[00:06:36] She paid me.

[00:06:37] I'm like, oh, she don't know that I have no idea what I'm doing.

[00:06:42] I just quit, like literally never made a post again on Facebook, like just went right back to my nursing job.

[00:06:48] So, that is exactly literally how it happened.

[00:06:51] And I felt bad because my husband was so happy for me.

[00:06:53] Like they went downtown and got my name, my business name, like whatever.

[00:06:59] And he's like, you got this.

[00:07:01] And then like, what's happening?

[00:07:03] I haven't seen you.

[00:07:04] I'm like, oh, yeah, that.

[00:07:05] Yeah, I don't know.

[00:07:07] So, that's really how that happened.

[00:07:08] But I know now that it was a lot of imposter syndrome.

[00:07:11] I didn't have any of the tools.

[00:07:12] It was, I was feeling a lot of things that I didn't know that was normal.

[00:07:17] It was a normal part of the process.

[00:07:18] And so, went back to my nursing job, like nothing happened.

[00:07:21] And I never left the nurse.

[00:07:23] I never left coaching since though.

[00:07:24] I got my own coach.

[00:07:25] Like I was fine being the client.

[00:07:27] I have had coaches and I loved it so much.

[00:07:30] And then I say about 2020 or so, I was like, okay, I think I know I can help people.

[00:07:35] So, I just started helping people under the table.

[00:07:36] Nobody knew I was a coach.

[00:07:37] I just was doing free help.

[00:07:39] Didn't call myself a coach.

[00:07:40] That felt a lot better.

[00:07:41] And then eventually I got out of my own way.

[00:07:44] And January of 23 was like, I'm a life coach.

[00:07:46] I need to stop playing.

[00:07:47] And I put myself out there.

[00:07:48] And it's been on and popping ever since.

[00:07:50] Very good.

[00:07:50] That's awesome.

[00:07:57] Podcast.

[00:07:57] So, that was really a time of change.

[00:08:00] Yes.

[00:08:01] I started mine then too.

[00:08:03] I didn't even call myself a coach then.

[00:08:04] But I got certified and was like, I don't know.

[00:08:07] It just hit me like, you're doing it.

[00:08:09] And it's okay.

[00:08:09] And like, get out your own way, you know?

[00:08:11] And so, to answer the question about what I do, I still struggle with like saying exactly

[00:08:18] what I do because I cover so much in life.

[00:08:20] You know, I really help women at every part of their life.

[00:08:22] But since I've coached so many people, I've seen like, you know, similar lines that even

[00:08:28] though they come to with different things, it's usually around like having, trying to

[00:08:32] create a positive mindset because they weren't raised that way or they maybe picked up on

[00:08:37] some negative things along the way.

[00:08:38] And that's how they think and how they see the world.

[00:08:40] Managing their emotions because we're not taught that as children.

[00:08:44] We're kind of really taught the opposite usually, like stuff those emotions down.

[00:08:48] You know, we're responsible for other people's emotions.

[00:08:50] So, we do like the foundational work that, you know, emotions won't kill you and helping

[00:08:55] people to like experience those.

[00:08:57] And then procrastination, perfectionism is a big deal.

[00:09:04] Procrastination, perfectionism is another one because I've kind of named them all together.

[00:09:09] All of them kind of go under that.

[00:09:11] And so, I pretty much help them see how they're thinking and see how their thinking is really

[00:09:17] causing their results because we don't spend a lot of time getting clear on like what we're

[00:09:21] thinking and how that drives the bus for us.

[00:09:24] Right.

[00:09:24] So, once they are able to see that connection, is it usually easier to help them change those

[00:09:31] thinking patterns, those thought patterns?

[00:09:33] Yes.

[00:09:34] I think that the difficulty at first is that we think our thoughts are facts.

[00:09:39] Like what I'm thinking and believing about something must be it.

[00:09:42] And so, a lot of times when people start working with me, it's, okay, I'm going to work with

[00:09:47] you because we need to get these people over here together and we need to like change all

[00:09:51] the circumstantial things.

[00:09:52] And so, they really get to see that, you know, what they believe about something is optional,

[00:09:57] which becomes very empowering.

[00:09:58] It's sometimes like jarring for some people.

[00:10:01] Like, wait, this is all an option.

[00:10:04] Like whatever I'm thinking about life, myself, religion, my marriage, my relationships,

[00:10:08] like I get to choose that because we think there's a universal truth.

[00:10:12] And so, that can be a little jarring at first, but once we get past that and kind of build

[00:10:17] the evidence, like over time seeing how that is true, how, you know, one person has a thought

[00:10:22] about something and that makes them happy and the other person may have that thought

[00:10:25] and they hate it and it's all around what we choose to believe.

[00:10:28] It gets a lot easier because then we get to go to creation mode.

[00:10:32] Like, what do you want to believe from here?

[00:10:34] Which can be a task in itself because then you have the world at your hands.

[00:10:38] You know, and it's like, well, I've been told what to think and what to do and what's right

[00:10:42] and what isn't all this time.

[00:10:44] How do I go from, where do I go from here?

[00:10:46] Right, right.

[00:10:48] Right, yeah.

[00:10:49] So, you mentioned imposter syndrome.

[00:10:54] So, that, you stepped on my toes then.

[00:10:57] And I thought back to, as you were explaining your first venture in the coaching,

[00:11:03] I remember when both kids were little and I decided I wanted to open an in-home daycare.

[00:11:13] And I contacted the state.

[00:11:16] I got all the paperwork I needed.

[00:11:18] I had created documents for parents.

[00:11:22] I had created flyers.

[00:11:24] I had a schedule for the non-existent kids.

[00:11:28] And then that was it.

[00:11:30] And I executed.

[00:11:31] That was it.

[00:11:32] Yes.

[00:11:33] You remember that?

[00:11:35] That was it.

[00:11:35] I'll lay it out.

[00:11:36] And I'd love to say, that's the only thing that I've done that with.

[00:11:41] But it's not.

[00:11:43] I'm a wonderful planner.

[00:11:45] I am a wonderful list maker.

[00:11:48] It's the execution.

[00:11:51] And I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that that's probably imposter syndrome.

[00:11:57] Yeah.

[00:11:59] That's a lot.

[00:12:00] It could be a lot.

[00:12:01] What comes up for me is I see this all the time.

[00:12:03] And I see it in myself, too.

[00:12:05] That part's easy and fun, right?

[00:12:08] When you're planning.

[00:12:09] Mm-hmm.

[00:12:09] Mm-hmm.

[00:12:10] You feel good about it.

[00:12:11] You got it down.

[00:12:13] But really, we're actually not doing anything.

[00:12:16] Right.

[00:12:17] Right.

[00:12:17] And so when it's time to get out there and start talking to people, hey, I can help you.

[00:12:23] Hey, I got this daycare.

[00:12:24] And networking and really putting yourself out there and dealing with people.

[00:12:28] That's the actual action.

[00:12:29] That's super scary.

[00:12:30] So it makes sense.

[00:12:32] And like you said, even with, there's been little baby steps.

[00:12:38] We started the podcast.

[00:12:39] And let me tell you, when we posted that, like I posted it with this Facebook post.

[00:12:48] And I said, for those who know, know me, this is nothing you would expect from me.

[00:12:54] Right.

[00:12:55] It's just to open myself up like that.

[00:12:58] But then the other part of it is, who do you think you are that somebody wants to listen to you?

[00:13:02] Yep.

[00:13:03] Yep.

[00:13:03] And so those types of thoughts, it goes back to you create these things.

[00:13:09] You busy yourself with these things.

[00:13:11] And you think you're really doing it.

[00:13:13] And you're not.

[00:13:13] You're just keeping yourself occupied with those things instead of putting forth the effort.

[00:13:20] Yeah.

[00:13:20] Did you ever think about, like, especially like the daycare, like, did you ever come up with reasons why?

[00:13:26] Like other reasons other than like, ooh, kind of scared, but like specifically why that you didn't want to do that?

[00:13:33] So I can't think of anything now.

[00:13:36] But things like, well, what about if I have to stop and go get my son?

[00:13:42] He was in school.

[00:13:43] Or what about if this happened?

[00:13:44] I have a really bad habit of trying to anticipate everything that could go wrong and put things in place.

[00:13:53] And that's where with the podcast and everything that we are trying to accomplish together, it's good that I have him because we moved into our house and we have screen porch.

[00:14:08] And I was sitting out there with him and I said, you know, I really want to redo this.

[00:14:12] I want to paint and get some drapes to hang and blah, blah.

[00:14:17] And so we sat there.

[00:14:18] We talked for a few minutes and he said, all right, let's get some shoes on.

[00:14:22] Why?

[00:14:24] Let's go to Lowe's.

[00:14:26] For what?

[00:14:27] And he said, well, we got to get paint.

[00:14:28] And I'm like, wait, we got a plan.

[00:14:33] I don't know what I'm planning, but we got a plan.

[00:14:36] I paid attention to those Nike commercials back in the day.

[00:14:39] Just do it.

[00:14:40] Just do it.

[00:14:41] Right.

[00:14:41] Let's go.

[00:14:42] Let's do it.

[00:14:42] Let's do it.

[00:14:43] But hey, let's do it.

[00:14:44] We'll correct that.

[00:14:46] Yeah.

[00:14:46] I think that's a beautiful process, like thinking process to have too, especially in business, podcasts, whatever, because my coach said to me when I was, perfectionism is something I've been coached on several times and I'm currently, you know, still working on and gotten a lot better, obviously, to put myself out there.

[00:15:03] But one thing she had said to me that really stuck with me is that perfectionists are scary people.

[00:15:08] They're scared of, you know, what could go wrong.

[00:15:11] They're scared of not getting it right.

[00:15:13] They're scared of failing.

[00:15:14] And so as long as you busy yourself needing things to be right and like, I'm getting this all together and we think we're doing our due diligence, really kind of pushing off the inevitable of doing something and something going wrong because it will.

[00:15:28] There's a quote by Marianne Williamson.

[00:15:33] It's the quote from Coach Carter where he asked, what are you afraid of?

[00:15:39] And the boy finally at the end starts saying it.

[00:15:42] And she, or what's your biggest fear?

[00:15:45] And she says that it's not that you'll fail, it's that you'll succeed.

[00:15:50] And so that kind of clicked with me because then, like you said, with the, with, when you first started coaching, even though there was success there, that fear outweighed because once you're successful with that one, you got to go do it again.

[00:16:09] And that still happens.

[00:16:10] I have the tools now to kind of talk myself off the cliff, but every time I sign a client, I'm like, oh my God, hold up.

[00:16:17] Now we at one, like what's happening?

[00:16:20] Like every single time and I, in a little increments, like, you know, it ain't too late to go back.

[00:16:25] Right.

[00:16:26] Like, you know, you didn't did it before.

[00:16:30] I know that that voice is not, you know, it's not, it doesn't have my future in its best interest.

[00:16:35] Right.

[00:16:35] And so being able to like, just hold space for that and understand, like, you're just afraid.

[00:16:39] That's fine.

[00:16:40] You know, I have a support system that I need, but yeah, it's definitely still creeps up a hundred percent.

[00:16:44] And I love that you say that and that you're open about that because that's something that if you are helping other people and you still have those moments, then it kind of normalizes it for me to know that this is something that, you know, people universally can struggle with.

[00:17:06] But it doesn't mean that you have to stay in that space.

[00:17:09] Yes.

[00:17:09] That's funny you said that because I'll share a short story that happened just yesterday.

[00:17:13] I have, so I have a free monthly workshop every month and they're on different topics.

[00:17:17] I'm not really, if I could go through life without having to speak in front of a lot of people, I would definitely choose that route.

[00:17:23] But just the avenue and the things that I'm doing, I'm sure that that can't be done.

[00:17:28] Right.

[00:17:29] So workshop, I'm speaking to a lot of people or whoever comes onto the call and I get really nervous, anxious.

[00:17:35] I mean, I sweat, I'm sweating.

[00:17:37] I'm just like, oh my God, five minutes left, three minutes.

[00:17:39] I'm just like freaking out.

[00:17:40] So, and so what I've learned, like, what do you, what do I need in that moment?

[00:17:44] And so for me, it's usually, especially if it's nice, I'll go outside, I'll ground my feet, you know, into the grass and just like, it's fine.

[00:17:50] So yesterday I did that.

[00:17:51] I'm taking deep breaths and I'm like really tapping in and like, you know, what do I need to know?

[00:17:55] And I'm just looking around at the grass, just thinking like, I have something to offer here.

[00:18:00] Like if I have one person, I've done my job and I don't need to know all the things.

[00:18:05] Like, what do I know right now?

[00:18:06] That's like literally good enough.

[00:18:08] And I found a four leaf clover.

[00:18:10] And so I picked it up.

[00:18:12] My, this is super interesting.

[00:18:13] And I'm just like, well, what, I wonder what message this has for me.

[00:18:17] And I just quieted myself and literally clear as day, what I heard was like, it's okay for you not to be perfect.

[00:18:22] And actually people are looking for permission not to be perfect.

[00:18:27] So you showing up and perfectly gives them that permission.

[00:18:29] So that goes along with what you just said.

[00:18:31] I love that.

[00:18:32] And you know, the thing about, I've come to realize, I'm realizing more and more as we meet great people like yourself, is that, you know, professionalism is like, it's an idea.

[00:18:48] And none of us are really professionals.

[00:18:50] We're just all trying to figure things out, you know.

[00:18:54] And, you know, in figuring out, that is the fun part.

[00:18:58] That is the learning.

[00:19:01] It's invigorating.

[00:19:02] Because, you know, you get to say, okay, well, you know, even if I mess up, it's okay.

[00:19:07] And I think that's the problem with our society.

[00:19:09] It's like, you know, you messed up.

[00:19:12] Something wrong.

[00:19:14] It's okay to mess up.

[00:19:15] It's okay to have it all together.

[00:19:17] Yeah, it's like, it's going to happen.

[00:19:19] So why is it not normalized too?

[00:19:22] And I think for me, for me and my own personal life and people I've worked with, the conversation always goes back to childhood.

[00:19:28] And, you know, as a parent, I've done it to my older kids for sure.

[00:19:32] I'm a lot better with my younger two because I know better.

[00:19:34] But before me and my mom and their mom and, like, back and forth, like, you got in trouble when you did something wrong.

[00:19:41] Like, period.

[00:19:42] That was just the gist of it.

[00:19:43] And you were expected, you know, to get it right.

[00:19:45] And I think, especially in the Black culture, that served us at one point.

[00:19:49] Like, you could die if you got something wrong, right?

[00:19:52] Right.

[00:19:52] But there's a lot of those concepts that we're still holding on to when we're no longer in that unsafe space.

[00:19:57] Right.

[00:19:58] That was one thing I know that her and I talked about it again.

[00:20:02] And I was like, you know, there's no need to get a whooping.

[00:20:07] That's long drawn out for something you did that was very minuscule.

[00:20:13] So I was like, we're going to change that.

[00:20:15] We're not going to beat the kids to their sore.

[00:20:19] I'm not using extension cord, not using shoes.

[00:20:23] I'm just going to use a couple of taps behind the behind.

[00:20:26] And that's fine.

[00:20:27] Then I'm going to talk.

[00:20:28] You know what I'm saying?

[00:20:30] And explain before and after what's going on.

[00:20:34] But to be able to do that, you would have had to be a person to be able to at least somewhat manage your emotions.

[00:20:40] And most people are unable to.

[00:20:41] Right.

[00:20:43] And that was, you know, our kids, I think our kids made it easy for us, though, because they were intelligent and they were inquisitive.

[00:20:55] So, you know, I just had boil.

[00:20:57] Ask you, why is that wrong?

[00:20:59] I thought about it, you know, how being, you know, I don't want to be, you know, I'm an adult.

[00:21:04] And, you know, there are still things I'm trying to figure out.

[00:21:07] There are still some some whoopings that I'm like, why did that even happen?

[00:21:12] And I was like, I want my kids to be 20, 25, 26 years old, still trying to figure out why this happened.

[00:21:20] So I'm hoping that when I explain stuff to them, that they understand, OK, well, now I got this.

[00:21:26] And they have come back and say, hey, you know what?

[00:21:29] I probably deserve that.

[00:21:31] Yeah, it made it make sense.

[00:21:33] It sounds like you guys were intentional with that.

[00:21:35] So I love that.

[00:21:36] That's awesome.

[00:21:37] We tried to be.

[00:21:38] We tried to be.

[00:21:39] I mean, nobody's perfect, but the intention behind it versus, oh, well, it was just done to me.

[00:21:43] So, you know, that hits different than I know why I'm doing it and I've chosen to do it intentionally.

[00:21:50] And you're going to know why I'm doing it.

[00:21:51] It's just different.

[00:21:52] You know, I hear a lot of people say that and it's like, yeah, yeah, that's how you was raised.

[00:21:59] But does that mean the right way?

[00:22:02] Right.

[00:22:03] Right.

[00:22:03] And that goes back to the idea that we're all learning.

[00:22:08] And parenting, unfortunately, is one of those that your learning impacts a whole nother human being.

[00:22:16] So, you know, we've had to apologize to kids.

[00:22:20] I'm sorry.

[00:22:21] That's not what I intended to happen when this, you know, when we made this choice.

[00:22:25] And now that they're older, we definitely have those conversations and point out certain things.

[00:22:31] My son, like we were 22, 23 when we had him.

[00:22:36] So we all grew up together.

[00:22:39] And so I'm like, and he points out differences between him and the girls.

[00:22:44] And I'm like, sir, I'm sorry.

[00:22:47] You were kind of the guinea pig.

[00:22:51] He told me one time, I didn't ask to be born.

[00:22:56] Sorry, none of us did.

[00:22:57] Right.

[00:22:58] It is what it is.

[00:22:59] Right.

[00:23:00] Right.

[00:23:00] I noticed that I was pregnant at 15.

[00:23:02] And so we talk about that, too.

[00:23:04] Like, because, you know, they're 18 and one will be 14 soon.

[00:23:08] And then you have the six and three-year-old.

[00:23:10] And so I already knew when we had the six year old, I was so different.

[00:23:13] I mean, I was just thinking about how we was going to do education, how, you know, questioning things.

[00:23:17] Whereas with them, it was like whatever I saw was what it was.

[00:23:20] I didn't even know.

[00:23:22] And so we have intentional conversations.

[00:23:24] We don't have them as much now because we've had them for so many years of like, like, listen, you see me doing this?

[00:23:30] I didn't do that with you because I didn't know to do that.

[00:23:32] You know, having those conversations, even around like simple things that most people might be like, what?

[00:23:37] To even know that, like, I didn't know at 15 that your breasts were to breastfeed.

[00:23:42] No one, no family ever did that.

[00:23:44] And so even in the hospital, that conversation didn't come up at all.

[00:23:48] And so me being the first one in my family to do it and do it openly and really pave the way in so many ways.

[00:23:55] You know, being a trailblazer has been really inspirational.

[00:23:58] It's still hard because you look at, you know, people judging and those kinds of things.

[00:24:03] But I just try to keep the lines of communication open.

[00:24:06] And I love how, like, what you guys are talking about, like, there is no perfect way and we're going to make mistakes, whether it's business, children.

[00:24:14] I don't care what it is.

[00:24:15] Right.

[00:24:16] Exactly.

[00:24:16] Right.

[00:24:17] Okay.

[00:24:18] I have a random pivot right now.

[00:24:20] Absolutely.

[00:24:21] There was something that was said that made me think of a conversation that he and I were having yesterday.

[00:24:27] And I can't remember what was just said, but we were talking about the idea of needing closure.

[00:24:34] Oh, yeah.

[00:24:35] And so I was saying for me, I'm the type that I don't need to understand the why of things.

[00:24:46] If you tell me one thing works and one thing doesn't, I'm going to do what you tell me works and then I'm good.

[00:24:53] And so I think that that idea of closure sometimes holds people back or keeps people facing the opposite direction.

[00:25:02] Is that something that you have clients come to you to get help with?

[00:25:08] Absolutely.

[00:25:09] A lot of my clients have done therapy for a long time.

[00:25:12] I also have done, you know, years of therapy.

[00:25:15] And I think therapy is great for many different reasons.

[00:25:19] Specifically for, like, when you talk about closure and, like, the past of, like, tearing things apart.

[00:25:24] Like, trying to get to the bottom of, you know, something happened to me when I was seven and this has caused me to be, you know, XYZ.

[00:25:31] It's more like being in the victimhood of it, which I think is important for people.

[00:25:35] They need that.

[00:25:37] But when I'm working with my clients, usually it's that, man, I've been doing years of therapy and these certain things, I still haven't been able to just, like, move away from a move, you know, forward with.

[00:25:47] And what has really helped them around closure specifically, again, coming from the ideal that we get to choose what we believe.

[00:25:55] So we choose what we believe about anything and everything.

[00:25:58] And that's the basic of what I am helping my clients to see.

[00:26:01] And not for them to see what I see or believe what I believe, but for me to show them what they're thinking and how that thinking is getting in the way of what they want.

[00:26:09] And part of that enclosure is needing to understand the why or needing to know exactly why something happened.

[00:26:17] Or there's a lot of regret and a lot of wishes, like, it shouldn't have happened that way, especially if it's something that they did.

[00:26:24] Like, I should have done that, I should have known better, that I shouldn't have been raised this way, I shouldn't have been treated like that.

[00:26:30] There's so many things, right, that we can talk about.

[00:26:33] And what has helped my clients specifically is the idea that I have offered them and they get to decide if they want to choose it or not of whatever happened was supposed to only because it did.

[00:26:45] And the reason why I have decided to really adhere to that thought is because you can argue with the past all day long and you're going every time.

[00:26:54] And so when we focus, where we take our brain and where we focus on, if you look at the two different concepts of like, oh, that shouldn't have happened.

[00:27:02] And all of the thoughts and the feelings and all that and the spinning and maybe even the hatred for certain people and, you know, the unhappiness in life and not, you can't move forward.

[00:27:13] Like all that happens from when we think, you know, I need to understand why they did.

[00:27:17] I mean, some of these people may even be dead.

[00:27:19] They may not, you're not, might even be having a conversation.

[00:27:21] Right.

[00:27:22] Or if you did, they may say, oh, you deserved it or.

[00:27:26] Right.

[00:27:26] I don't even know what you're talking about.

[00:27:28] Right.

[00:27:29] They may desire it, like all kinds of things.

[00:27:31] So you can look at it, what happens to someone's life when they look at it from that perspective versus I right now want to be happy and want to enjoy my life and I want to create something.

[00:27:41] So from that space, whatever happened was supposed to because it happened.

[00:27:47] Right.

[00:27:47] Right.

[00:27:48] Where do I want to go from here?

[00:27:49] What do I want to create from here?

[00:27:51] And it gets our brain into really creation mode because over here is a lot of spinning and a lot of blaming and a lot of self-inflating harm.

[00:27:59] And even like to our close relationships.

[00:28:01] Right.

[00:28:01] Because if we are in turmoil within ourselves, then that puts a halt on what we can create outside of that.

[00:28:07] So they get to we get to choose.

[00:28:09] Like, do I want to sit in that and mulch over that and need answers and all that?

[00:28:13] You know, they get to.

[00:28:14] But then you can also be like, hey, yeah, that happened.

[00:28:16] I can never go back.

[00:28:18] All of it's done.

[00:28:19] It was supposed to.

[00:28:20] You know, I was supposed to have the exact parents I had.

[00:28:22] I was supposed to whatever.

[00:28:24] Whatever.

[00:28:24] And it's all of its may believe.

[00:28:26] Like, I love how you say, like, it's all made up.

[00:28:28] Like, it is.

[00:28:29] But which one serves you to create what you want?

[00:28:31] Right.

[00:28:32] Right.

[00:28:33] Yeah.

[00:28:33] And that was one of the things that we were talking about that.

[00:28:37] It was like, well, you know, even if you go to the individual and hear exactly what you want to hear, it still doesn't change.

[00:28:46] Right.

[00:28:46] That it happened.

[00:28:47] They can apologize and tell you, you know, I should have done that.

[00:28:50] But then your question is going to be, well, why did you do it?

[00:28:53] But, you know, a lot of times I tell my own kids, why are you trying to figure out why this person did it?

[00:29:00] Because if you start to understand it, you know what that means.

[00:29:05] Right.

[00:29:06] Like, I want to understand everybody.

[00:29:08] I want to understand everybody.

[00:29:09] Right.

[00:29:09] You know what I mean?

[00:29:10] And also, it's like that you can go that route or you can think of like, what do I need from that situation?

[00:29:15] So a lot of us need to kind of go back and say, you know, what, when that was done to me or when I wasn't supported, I wasn't safe.

[00:29:22] I can see how now, like, I'm operating in the way that I'm unsafe.

[00:29:26] Like, what do I need to know now that is no longer true?

[00:29:29] Like, I'm a safe space.

[00:29:31] There's no way that would happen to me again.

[00:29:32] I wouldn't allow that.

[00:29:34] You know, these different things.

[00:29:35] Or you can even say, so many ways you can pivot it.

[00:29:38] Like, what did I learn from that?

[00:29:39] That I can take into my parenting or into my relationships or into how I treat people.

[00:29:43] It's just, it's like that growth mindset, that forward thinking that I've just chosen to really adhere to.

[00:29:50] And my clients that have, they get to then get really creative with the things they can't control.

[00:29:55] Because that's what coaching is about.

[00:29:57] Like, focusing only on what you can control.

[00:30:00] Only.

[00:30:00] And it really serves as a good use of our time.

[00:30:04] So, one of the topics that we had listed for you was the influence of our childhood.

[00:30:13] And that's something that I was, I'm in therapy also and have been for a few years.

[00:30:19] And there was something that happened.

[00:30:21] And I was telling her what my reaction was to it.

[00:30:29] And I'm trying to think what it was.

[00:30:31] Like, okay, so I have a bad habit of getting pre-disappointed.

[00:30:37] So, let's say I have a job interview.

[00:30:40] It went well.

[00:30:41] When I leave, if I haven't been offered the job, I might say, well, it's okay because I'll do X, Y, and Z.

[00:30:48] Like, I've already set myself up to be disappointed even though I haven't heard anything.

[00:30:52] And so, we talked about how that's from childhood.

[00:30:57] And when you have no control over a situation and you have expectations and then they're not met.

[00:31:04] And so, the experiences may not manifest in the same way.

[00:31:10] But how do we know what types of things to look for for that support, for things that we've carried on with us?

[00:31:20] Does that make sense?

[00:31:22] What types of things do we need to look for that we, okay, I keep doing this.

[00:31:26] I keep going back and forth.

[00:31:28] Yeah.

[00:31:29] Yes.

[00:31:30] Yeah, that's a really great question.

[00:31:32] And I think that any time that we want to figure out if something is healthy or not or, like, something we need to kind of look into is look at the results we're creating.

[00:31:40] Because everything we do, however we think, that's going to drive our emotions and then drive our actions and create the results.

[00:31:48] So, one example might be, like, for you, you may say, even just use that example.

[00:31:53] You may have been like, you know, I don't allow myself to sit in the majestic of, like, what about the possibilities?

[00:32:00] Like, the possibility of this going well.

[00:32:02] Or I find myself every time I go for something that's new, that would be fun, I don't allow myself to sit with the excitement of that.

[00:32:10] And you may decide you don't like that.

[00:32:12] Like, if you hadn't gone to therapy, right, and you were just thinking, like, this keeps coming up.

[00:32:16] And you decide you might not like that.

[00:32:18] And so, you might then think about, well, what would I like instead?

[00:32:21] And so, just asking those questions can help you lead back to, like, why do I show up that way?

[00:32:25] Or for me, since we were talking about parenting, one for me was when I decided to kind of, because I used to whoop my kids, punishment, you know, all the things.

[00:32:34] I was never as bad as how I was raised, but I was never like, oh, I was never intentionally thinking about, like, this is what needs to be done.

[00:32:41] I'm going to make sure you do this because I need to have you, blah, blah, blah, you know, all that.

[00:32:46] And I remember, though, what was for me, it wasn't that someone said something to me about it that pushed me.

[00:32:51] It was like me watching the results I was creating.

[00:32:53] And at that time, Otis was like 11, 12.

[00:32:56] And we had typically had a good relationship up until that age.

[00:32:59] And that's about the time where he's like, hold on, like, you probably, like, you hitting on me and doing this, you know, that's not cool.

[00:33:04] And so, I started seeing, like, there was a distance and there was, you know, the anger that he would have.

[00:33:10] And so, my results that I created, I'm thinking, like, what is going on?

[00:33:14] And I'm getting curious.

[00:33:15] So, I think curiosity is, like, one of the best emotions that we can have.

[00:33:19] It's an actual emotion that you have when you are really feeling, like, interested in something.

[00:33:23] Like, what is going on?

[00:33:25] And that caused me to be like, well, have a conversation with him.

[00:33:29] He's old enough to talk to you about, you know, what's going on, right?

[00:33:32] And so, we have a conversation and it boiled down to that.

[00:33:34] Like, I'm always getting in trouble and I'm this and this and this.

[00:33:36] So, that caused me to go on the path of, like, okay, I know I was told this.

[00:33:41] I know this was done.

[00:33:42] But I didn't really like it for me either.

[00:33:44] And then I'm looking at me and my parents, you know, relationship or me and my grandmothers

[00:33:47] and I'm looking at their parents.

[00:33:49] I'm like, I'm just recreating this.

[00:33:52] Right.

[00:33:52] And decide, you know, do I want that?

[00:33:54] Like, that's the most powerful thing.

[00:33:56] Like, anything you don't want, you can change that.

[00:33:58] So, that's what I will offer is to think of the different parts of our lives or the results

[00:34:02] we're creating with relationships, with people, with ourselves, how we treat ourselves.

[00:34:06] You know, are we beating ourselves up?

[00:34:08] Are we going to the kitchen and eating because we don't know how to deal with the emotions

[00:34:11] we have instead of just saying, hey, I'm sad because X, Y, Z and just decide, like, I don't

[00:34:17] really like that.

[00:34:17] And then get curious about, you know, where is that coming from?

[00:34:20] And that can lead you to something because we all have that innate wisdom.

[00:34:24] Yeah.

[00:34:25] Yeah.

[00:34:25] Yeah.

[00:34:26] Yeah.

[00:34:26] It's hard to tap into that and to be accountable for that.

[00:34:31] Yeah.

[00:34:36] Like, our time is taken up with something, right?

[00:34:39] Like, we're working.

[00:34:40] We got, you know, podcasting.

[00:34:42] We got businesses.

[00:34:43] We have kids we're raising.

[00:34:45] You know, and then the little bit you do have, I mean, Netflix and chill for a second.

[00:34:49] Let me scroll on the, you know.

[00:34:50] So, that's the good thing about having coaches or therapists and things like that because

[00:34:55] it's that full hour where it's you and your mind.

[00:34:59] And if we usually don't carve out the time for that, most of us are not going to do that on our own.

[00:35:03] Yeah. I think that, you know, our society now is like, especially with the Internet and you hear these gurus that come on social media, like, why are you sitting down on your butt not doing nothing?

[00:35:17] Why are you not starting a business? Why are you not doing this?

[00:35:19] And it's like there's this rush. And then when you see all these entertainers or likewise, they're promoting these products and they're telling you this, this and the third reality TV shows telling people, you know, where, you know, it's just so fast paced.

[00:35:36] And it's like you're almost made to feel like if you work in just a simple nine to five, you are less of a creature.

[00:35:44] It's like you need to be having 15 streams of income. And I think people get discouraged by those messages.

[00:35:52] And it's like they just turn, you know, turn within the supply. I'm not going to do nothing. I'm just going to.

[00:35:57] Yeah. Because you're overwhelmed, right? Like you got somebody help. You need to be doing this. You need to be doing that.

[00:36:02] And you're like, OK, I do. I do. And you got all these things running and then what do I do with all this information?

[00:36:08] And so our brain automatically shuts down, like period. OK, let me go to Netflix. Let me go to social media. Let me go to eating. Let me go to just whatever.

[00:36:16] But we also have to. And this is not something someone would know. But every person is like, oh, what are you doing sitting down? You need to do X, Y, Z.

[00:36:23] We're used to be a lot of us are used to being talked to like that from childhood.

[00:36:28] So we're already connected to that. Like, oh, maybe I need to.

[00:36:31] And then the next hundred thousand follow, you know, and so they're getting paid for creating these messages.

[00:36:37] Right. Right. Right. Exactly.

[00:36:40] And that's probably not even how they did it. And they probably have safe spaces and slowing down and all the things that it takes, you know.

[00:36:47] And I think also there's a difference between because, you know, I have coaches who are seven, eight figure earners and they talk about this.

[00:36:55] They have clients who have two, three, four, five, six, seven hundred thousand followers.

[00:37:00] Some have maybe a million followers not making no money, you know, or not really doing what they're talking about on social media.

[00:37:07] You know, yeah. And that oh, that's something that and and that I think what I said earlier when when you shared with us, you know, you're still you deal with some of these things is that shows us that you're practicing what you preach.

[00:37:22] Yeah. And so for us, we put this out there.

[00:37:28] But we also have some we have some episodes where we've talked about some not so positive things.

[00:37:33] And that's something that we're venturing into to be open because it's like it hasn't been rainbows and sunshine every single day.

[00:37:42] And so I believe that honesty is needed so that you realize we don't have this large following and we just made stuff up to get it.

[00:37:52] Right, right, right. You understand?

[00:37:53] Yes, exactly.

[00:37:54] You understand that there have been moments where, of course, within 26 years that her and I were like, you know, I don't know if this is going to work.

[00:38:05] You know, and explaining how that how we came to that, you know, and people need to see that real.

[00:38:12] And that's I'm real careful about telling people, you know, well, you talk a lot.

[00:38:17] Maybe you should get into real estate or maybe be a lawyer.

[00:38:20] Right.

[00:38:21] Find out what you want to do.

[00:38:23] Right.

[00:38:23] Do what you want to do.

[00:38:25] Yeah.

[00:38:25] And you said y'all just said so many beautiful things.

[00:38:28] One thing that comes to mind for me is like when I talk about being afraid and put myself out there, can I really do this?

[00:38:34] Like, I know that will always be with me.

[00:38:38] I just know that because I know people who are when I think of, you know, we use money because that kind of allows you to see where you are.

[00:38:45] Right.

[00:38:45] Money can make it more value you've given the world.

[00:38:48] Not that I think that's the end all be all, but people who are making so like they still have to get coached.

[00:38:54] They still have to remind themselves, I just got coached a few weeks ago by someone who, I mean, she didn't have made 50 million in her business.

[00:39:00] And she's like, I'm like, listen, I am not believing that I can do whatever it is I was talking about.

[00:39:06] And she was like, I have so she said, you're in the beginning, you know, beginner years of your business.

[00:39:10] You're building evidence to what you're doing.

[00:39:12] It's very difficult.

[00:39:13] I have years of evidence that shows me that I'm good at what I do, that I provide value.

[00:39:18] And I still want to say, maybe I should go back to work, working tables.

[00:39:23] Maybe this ain't for me.

[00:39:24] So I know this is this is never going to leave me.

[00:39:27] It's a normal business.

[00:39:29] And people get to pick and choose how they want to show up online.

[00:39:31] And I think that's important to decide that.

[00:39:34] Right.

[00:39:35] Yeah.

[00:39:35] Hear that part.

[00:39:36] But for me, authenticity is so important.

[00:39:39] But you can't have that without being vulnerable.

[00:39:41] Right.

[00:39:42] Right.

[00:39:43] You guys' personal story.

[00:39:45] Like, it's a little bit of that.

[00:39:46] I think it's normal.

[00:39:47] Like, what are they going to think?

[00:39:48] You know, what are people going to think about?

[00:39:50] Right.

[00:39:50] Right.

[00:39:50] Yeah.

[00:39:51] There's people that need to hear that.

[00:39:53] Because we've been together for years and y'all never had an argument.

[00:39:56] Like, wow, something must be wrong with us.

[00:39:58] We can't make it past 30 days.

[00:39:59] Right.

[00:40:00] Right.

[00:40:01] Exactly.

[00:40:01] Yeah.

[00:40:01] And that's part of it is, you know, we're regular people and we were married young.

[00:40:09] That was another thing.

[00:40:10] I remember asking my mom once.

[00:40:12] We were out somewhere and the kids were little.

[00:40:16] And like, why are these people looking at us?

[00:40:19] And she said, y'all are an oddity.

[00:40:21] Just don't see that.

[00:40:23] Young Black couple with kids.

[00:40:26] Yep.

[00:40:27] You just don't see it.

[00:40:28] And so we're hoping that this opens the door to see that we, you know, we exist.

[00:40:34] You exist.

[00:40:36] We've had some guests on.

[00:40:38] That we're here.

[00:40:39] It's just that we're not.

[00:40:41] We're not vocal.

[00:40:42] Making that loud.

[00:40:44] That loud.

[00:40:44] Obnoxious noise.

[00:40:46] You look just on our hands.

[00:40:47] Right.

[00:40:48] It's just a lot going on.

[00:40:50] Y'all are real.

[00:40:51] And all the different things.

[00:40:52] Yeah.

[00:40:52] But I 100% agree with you about the authenticity.

[00:40:55] And I think it goes to show you have two people, like, you know, from two different households,

[00:41:00] two, they already think differently.

[00:41:02] Because me and my husband had to come to those terms too.

[00:41:05] We think differently about almost everything.

[00:41:08] And so we bring that together.

[00:41:10] There's going to be issues.

[00:41:11] Right.

[00:41:12] And like, we, we're in therapy now just because like, listen, we struggle in our communication.

[00:41:16] How can we figure this out?

[00:41:18] Because we both saying the same thing, but we're saying it a different way.

[00:41:21] And I'm taking it.

[00:41:22] And you take it.

[00:41:23] Like, what's happening?

[00:41:23] You hear it differently, yep.

[00:41:24] Yeah.

[00:41:24] Yeah.

[00:41:25] It's been beautiful being able to have someone, even right here on Zoom, for us to like talk

[00:41:32] through and them to like jump in and ask questions like, oh, okay.

[00:41:37] Us to hear what's really going on and to bring us back to center on like what's really important.

[00:41:42] And it's not always about being right.

[00:41:44] It's not always about having it your way, which is something I've had to work through myself.

[00:41:49] And it's been really interesting.

[00:41:51] And plus you think about like, what do you see growing up when you're talking about relationships

[00:41:54] for me, my family, I didn't see any, any, and still to this day in my family, I don't

[00:41:59] see any healthy relationships.

[00:42:01] And relationships, the women berated the men or they, you know, we're very masculine in

[00:42:06] my family.

[00:42:07] So that's all that I saw.

[00:42:08] And so to be with someone that, and allow him the space to take care of me and make decisions

[00:42:14] and do what he innately wanted to do was very, very, very hard and almost impossible.

[00:42:19] Like I didn't see it as possible.

[00:42:20] So I think it's powerful to hear stories from people who've been together to get help

[00:42:24] when you need it.

[00:42:25] I love how black folks are starting to talk about therapy more, you know, I'm hopeful.

[00:42:31] I'm hopeful.

[00:42:32] And we got to realize we're only a few generations away from not having any choices with our

[00:42:37] lives.

[00:42:38] Exactly.

[00:42:38] Right.

[00:42:39] And, and that was my grandma, my grandmother made a comment and my response came out really

[00:42:46] quick before I thought about it.

[00:42:48] It was a negative comment about therapy.

[00:42:50] And I was like, no, people need therapy.

[00:42:54] She said something about prayer.

[00:42:56] Oh, okay.

[00:42:57] Well, Jesus made the therapist.

[00:42:59] Think about it.

[00:43:00] Because we have therapy.

[00:43:03] How about that?

[00:43:03] Right.

[00:43:04] Right.

[00:43:04] We, we have neglected that, that part for so long.

[00:43:08] We've been taught, don't tell our business.

[00:43:12] And, and the things that you, it's not just, I'm sad.

[00:43:16] Depression is a real thing.

[00:43:18] I remember when our son was younger and both of our moms had a fit.

[00:43:24] He was diagnosed with ADHD and they didn't want him on medicine.

[00:43:28] Nothing like having a kid on medicine, drop them off at grandmama's and she decided not

[00:43:35] to give him medicine for her to realize the difference.

[00:43:39] And as he got older, we, that we have a doctor here locally that did the little, he puts

[00:43:46] electrodes on and you could see the brainwaves and when the, um, when he was fading the inactivity.

[00:43:52] And so we had that to show them, no, this is real.

[00:43:56] Like, I'm not going to come and take your heart medicine and tell you, you can't take it.

[00:44:00] So you need to give him his medicine.

[00:44:02] You know, we've had people say, you know, stuff like, you know, the typical stuff, you

[00:44:06] know, he don't need no medicine.

[00:44:07] He just need a ass whooping.

[00:44:09] Mm-hmm.

[00:44:09] Yeah.

[00:44:11] That ain't, I mean, that wasn't the greatest dang thing in the world any dog.

[00:44:16] I know my child, you know what I'm saying?

[00:44:17] So I'm not finna mess his entire life up because I'm listening to what you say.

[00:44:24] Right.

[00:44:24] Right.

[00:44:25] And that's the key point too.

[00:44:27] Like, where are we getting this information from?

[00:44:29] Like, where are you listening to?

[00:44:30] Right.

[00:44:31] They have, when we talk about our thoughts about the world, their view is so different

[00:44:36] than subsequent generations, right?

[00:44:38] Like, there was a time where you'd be crazy to say something was wrong with your Black

[00:44:42] child, that they needed something.

[00:44:44] Right.

[00:44:44] They needed help, right?

[00:44:45] It was unsafe.

[00:44:46] You know, it was unsafe to do all these things that we can do now.

[00:44:49] And, you know, I have that conversation with my grandma too, and I have to just remind

[00:44:53] myself that she's, that what she's saying to me is a true, her perspective.

[00:44:59] Right.

[00:44:59] I like it.

[00:45:00] Grandma, I appreciate it.

[00:45:02] Right.

[00:45:02] And like you say, yeah, okay, all right, listen, okay, and just keep on going.

[00:45:08] Right.

[00:45:09] Right.

[00:45:09] From their perspective.

[00:45:11] That's one thing we said, you know, in some of our episodes, we were like, you know,

[00:45:16] y'all always have to consider the source.

[00:45:18] And it's like, you know, when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship, who am I

[00:45:23] listening to?

[00:45:24] Do they have healthy relationships?

[00:45:26] I don't care if it's my mama or cousin or whoever.

[00:45:29] Right.

[00:45:30] Because if you're on your fifth marriage, what is she going to tell me?

[00:45:33] Right.

[00:45:33] What not to do?

[00:45:35] Right.

[00:45:36] Exactly.

[00:45:36] And my first one, this is what I did.

[00:45:39] Don't do that.

[00:45:39] This is what I did.

[00:45:42] Don't do that either.

[00:45:43] Yes.

[00:45:44] And so it's interesting too, because my grandmother actually has talked to my mom about this.

[00:45:48] Like, Regina, don't say nothing.

[00:45:50] I don't share things with people that I know are not going to understand.

[00:45:55] Right.

[00:45:55] And I'm just like, we good, you know, because they just don't get it.

[00:45:59] Prime example, my grandmother was just going on a whole rant about how a man should not be

[00:46:05] taking care of his daughter.

[00:46:07] Think about where they came from.

[00:46:08] Like, taking care of, like, Babs, sleeping with them and things like that.

[00:46:12] But look where they came from.

[00:46:13] Like, the stuff that was happening when she was young, her kid.

[00:46:16] All kinds of stuff was happening.

[00:46:18] And nobody better say anything.

[00:46:19] So that was unsafe.

[00:46:21] You know, and now we have Black men that are showing their daughters love in such a beautiful

[00:46:25] way that they need, that they need to be cared for.

[00:46:28] And fathers can change diapers.

[00:46:30] They can get Babs.

[00:46:30] And they can, you know, do all of that.

[00:46:33] Yes, Mom.

[00:46:34] I think, so I wasn't her favorite in the beginning.

[00:46:37] And I think there was one comment that set her over the edge.

[00:46:42] We had been with her to church and our son was a baby.

[00:46:47] And so we went out to eat.

[00:46:49] We just got done eating.

[00:46:51] And he said, well, I'm going to go change his diaper.

[00:46:54] And he went to get up.

[00:46:56] He's unbuckling.

[00:46:57] And as he's walking off, she said, he don't mind doing that.

[00:47:02] I said, doing what?

[00:47:04] He don't mind changing him, Ms. Mildred.

[00:47:07] He ain't mind making him.

[00:47:08] Period.

[00:47:10] So I lost a whole lot of points.

[00:47:13] But I'm like, like that was in, like my dad, my dad probably didn't change my diaper.

[00:47:21] So it wasn't that I had this experience with my father and that's what I expected.

[00:47:26] It's, that's not what I want in a husband or a father.

[00:47:30] Right.

[00:47:31] And this is what we're creating.

[00:47:34] This is, this is what we're creating.

[00:47:35] And so she, she grew, she, I grew on her over time.

[00:47:41] And before she passed, I think I was in business.

[00:47:44] Once she realized you wasn't going nowhere.

[00:47:46] Right.

[00:47:46] Like I might as well.

[00:47:47] I might as well.

[00:47:48] Right.

[00:47:49] You know what?

[00:47:49] That makes me think too, that when we are talking, especially to past generations, people who have already kind of did their raising and things like that.

[00:47:57] Like there, this is for anyone that's like talking to someone that gets kind of offended.

[00:48:02] Like it, it, it causes them.

[00:48:04] Like I found that in my life.

[00:48:06] Like there's a lot of things in my household that I do that is not done in my family.

[00:48:10] My entire life is like some of us.

[00:48:12] We homeschool.

[00:48:13] Kids run around with shoes off.

[00:48:15] We swimming in lakes.

[00:48:16] I don't hit them.

[00:48:18] You know, there's a lot of things that's happened and they're like, okay, somebody to get her and help her.

[00:48:22] Like, I know that's what they're thinking.

[00:48:23] And so, but also what I've had to realize that me and my mom have had altercations, like different, like, hey, like you can't talk to my kids like that.

[00:48:30] Or you can't talk to them like that.

[00:48:32] Different things like that.

[00:48:33] Or, hey, I don't want them eating that.

[00:48:35] And this is why.

[00:48:36] You know that.

[00:48:36] But what I realized is that it causes them to think, oh, I did something wrong.

[00:48:41] Like they get offended because they're like, oh, hey, you're saying something about me.

[00:48:46] Like initially, that's how they feel.

[00:48:48] That's what you're saying.

[00:48:48] I raised you wrong.

[00:48:50] Exactly.

[00:48:51] Exactly.

[00:48:51] That's right.

[00:48:53] And my mom is the martyr of all martyrs.

[00:48:56] So that is exactly what she would be thinking.

[00:48:59] Yeah.

[00:48:59] So it causes them to be like, when they see that, oh, there are other options, it has nothing to do with us.

[00:49:05] They just start like, you know, take it personal because like, man, this is what I did.

[00:49:08] So you're saying something wrong with that.

[00:49:10] And so I've had to learn to kind of hold space for that and let them have their feelings, you know, not to explain or not to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

[00:49:19] But like remind myself that that's their stuff that they're dealing with.

[00:49:23] Right.

[00:49:24] I know within our family, my daughter, I can say the same thing he says.

[00:49:38] And we pick at her now.

[00:49:40] One of her favorite phrases is she ain't have to do all that.

[00:49:46] But he can say the same thing and she receives it.

[00:49:50] And oh, she's a huge daddy's girl.

[00:49:52] But the flip side of that is my son.

[00:49:55] My son and I, we have an understanding and a connection that's different.

[00:50:01] And so I don't see it as my daughter not liking me as much.

[00:50:08] Like, I don't see it that way.

[00:50:09] I just see it as she has a connection with her dad.

[00:50:12] My son has a connection with me.

[00:50:14] It doesn't mean they love us any less.

[00:50:17] It doesn't mean we love them any less.

[00:50:19] I mean, we're people.

[00:50:21] And especially now that they're older, they're grown.

[00:50:24] They're actual adults.

[00:50:27] I know, right?

[00:50:28] That's people that they have.

[00:50:30] Like, you know, personalities attract people to other, you know, one to one parent and stuff like that.

[00:50:36] Because that is the same dynamic here.

[00:50:38] And I think when we just allow that to just be and not make it a problem, like it sounds like you're saying,

[00:50:44] it creates such a beautiful dynamic, not just with her, with him, but then her, with you.

[00:50:48] Because she can, like, be herself and not have to offend my mom because I'd rather talk to dad right now.

[00:50:53] You know?

[00:50:54] I think that's beautiful.

[00:50:55] That was one of those things I had to learn, too.

[00:50:57] Like, I was used to how I was raised.

[00:51:00] So, you know, just an example of when she turned 21.

[00:51:03] When she turned 21, that child came in the house with a bottle of peach crown.

[00:51:10] All right?

[00:51:11] So, you know.

[00:51:11] It's the never-ending bottle because it's always a bottle.

[00:51:14] It's always a bottle.

[00:51:15] Sitting on her nice day.

[00:51:17] And one of my friends had met, you know, we were just talking about it.

[00:51:23] And shoot, my child ain't going to be drinking in front of me.

[00:51:25] And I was like, well, shoot.

[00:51:26] I mean, it's not that serious because, you know, I'd rather her do it at the house with me than to be out there and mess around and get a DUI or hurt somebody or something like that.

[00:51:38] So, you know.

[00:51:39] And she's of age.

[00:51:40] Yeah, she's of age.

[00:51:41] And it's not like she just overdoes it.

[00:51:44] Right.

[00:51:45] When she gets out of work, then she's going to sleep, you know?

[00:51:47] Someone said something about her spending the night with her friend.

[00:51:52] Yeah.

[00:51:53] Her friend has an apartment.

[00:51:54] She'll go to her friend's apartment.

[00:51:55] She stays the night over there.

[00:51:57] But that wouldn't be mine.

[00:51:59] She's grown.

[00:52:00] Like, if she wanted to, she could pack up and go move.

[00:52:04] The only thing we tell them is, hey, you got to be out.

[00:52:07] Let us know.

[00:52:08] Right.

[00:52:08] Let us know so that we're not worried or we're not.

[00:52:10] She'll come in and be like, well, I'm staying at my friend's house now.

[00:52:13] Okay.

[00:52:13] All right.

[00:52:13] Cool.

[00:52:14] And so, and that's a beautiful example, too, because, like, because y'all have that relationship and that dynamic, there is no sneaking that needs to be had.

[00:52:22] Right.

[00:52:23] Right.

[00:52:24] Right.

[00:52:24] Going up here versus she was going to probably do it anyway.

[00:52:27] Right.

[00:52:27] And or bottle it all up and they get crazy when she do feel good enough to do it.

[00:52:32] Right.

[00:52:32] You know, but I think that's the same concept around sex, too.

[00:52:35] Like, when we talk about not allowed, it won't be happening in my house.

[00:52:40] We think that not having the conversations and things like that will keep them from doing it.

[00:52:44] When, no, they're just going to find out in different ways.

[00:52:47] Yeah.

[00:52:47] Exactly.

[00:52:48] And it's going to make it more appealing.

[00:52:51] Somebody that knows what they're talking about.

[00:52:53] Yeah.

[00:52:54] All my advice came from my friends and cousins and siblings and brothers.

[00:52:59] You know what I'm saying?

[00:52:59] Yeah.

[00:52:59] Like, you found out.

[00:53:01] Yeah.

[00:53:01] Oh, that was wrong.

[00:53:02] You know.

[00:53:03] Right.

[00:53:03] So it'd be better to like, hey, let's have this conversation because I know I'm going to tell you best.

[00:53:08] And I also want to be that person that you remember having that conversation with or you're drinking.

[00:53:14] I'd rather you want to come in, you know, to the house.

[00:53:16] Right.

[00:53:16] Because I'll say when I was young, I remember one instance I was, I had been drinking and doing something else.

[00:53:22] And I was driving.

[00:53:23] I was like, this ain't right.

[00:53:24] I shouldn't be doing this.

[00:53:25] Well, thankfully, my dad, my mom and dad's house was right down the street.

[00:53:33] And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[00:53:36] I don't know what I'm going to do.

[00:53:36] Right.

[00:53:37] And we've had that happen with her.

[00:53:41] But my thing is, we wanted to raise decent, compassionate, loving, likable human beings.

[00:53:53] And from there, you know, we'll deal with it.

[00:53:57] And that's what we have.

[00:53:58] And all of our kids, we have two birth children, two adopted children, and they have the most beautiful spirits.

[00:54:06] They are personable.

[00:54:09] And that's what we wanted.

[00:54:11] We wanted, we didn't want, you know, sometimes you look at adult assholes.

[00:54:19] Right.

[00:54:20] They started somewhere.

[00:54:22] We didn't want that.

[00:54:23] What for adults that are doing what their parents tell them to do and they don't, you know, this is how we are 20, 25, 30 and have no idea who we are.

[00:54:33] Exactly.

[00:54:33] Right.

[00:54:34] Yeah.

[00:54:35] Yeah.

[00:54:35] And so that, that was my thing.

[00:54:37] Like, I just wanted my kids to be decent humans.

[00:54:40] And they are.

[00:54:41] And sometimes, especially that girl, sometimes she shares too much.

[00:54:46] Yeah, she does.

[00:54:47] But she's confident.

[00:54:48] That was, even when they were little, you said something about the things when they were little.

[00:54:53] We had to stop our kids from getting out of the tub and just walking around with no clothes on.

[00:54:59] That's us.

[00:55:00] Because I'm like, you know, if somebody sees that, they're going to take y'all.

[00:55:05] Y'all got to stop that.

[00:55:06] But with me and him, we're like, we're doing something good because they're comfortable and they feel safe.

[00:55:13] Yeah.

[00:55:13] And so that's been the goal.

[00:55:17] I didn't always have that.

[00:55:19] Yeah.

[00:55:19] And I think, too, there's an innate alert alarm in all of us that kind of knows something right, you know, this and this.

[00:55:28] But as parents, especially Black parents, I think it stems from back when it made sense to do it.

[00:55:32] We continue to want to place so much fear and so much control so that we end up how we want it to end up.

[00:55:39] And what it does is it kind of falters that inner guidance that we all have.

[00:55:43] Right.

[00:55:44] And I've noticed that because we think our three-year-old is just so, I mean, she'll do anything with anybody and do it because she's just so flamboyant and so, you know, whatever.

[00:55:52] But I've watched her.

[00:55:53] I've sat back and watched her in public and I've seen her pick and choose who she talks to.

[00:55:56] I've seen her kind of go to the water and be like, oh, no, this don't seem right and run back.

[00:56:01] Right.

[00:56:01] So they know, you know, you can be there to help at whatever age they are, but help really lead them to like trust.

[00:56:08] What do you think?

[00:56:09] You know, my kids, like my daughter's like, what do you, do you like this or what do you think?

[00:56:12] What do you like about it?

[00:56:13] Because I want your own voice and not what daddy going to say, you know, that kind of thing.

[00:56:19] Right.

[00:56:19] Right.

[00:56:20] Absolutely.

[00:56:20] And I never did want to be that parent that, you know, has, well, you know, I had a friend.

[00:56:30] Well, she was like this at one point.

[00:56:31] I had a friend that you couldn't just walk up and just scare, you know, like, ah, you know, and she was like that, you know.

[00:56:38] You couldn't just walk up on there.

[00:56:40] You could walk up and touch me sometimes.

[00:56:42] Yeah.

[00:56:43] I might have touched on the shoulder.

[00:56:44] I might have got popped, you know.

[00:56:46] Like, where the heck is that going from, you know, but, you know, her and I talking and her being open and sharing with me the things that happened during the past allowed me to understand where those things came from.

[00:57:00] Right.

[00:57:00] Okay.

[00:57:01] So, I don't want to create that.

[00:57:03] So, I didn't want to be the fear and stuff.

[00:57:06] I wanted to be the cool parent.

[00:57:08] I want you to be able to come talk to me.

[00:57:10] And I think my parents did a decent job, but it's like they put more fear in us than they did, you know.

[00:57:18] Yeah.

[00:57:19] You can come talk to me.

[00:57:21] Now, you beat me for 13 years, you know, for some of the teammates, you want me to come talk to you.

[00:57:25] Right.

[00:57:26] No.

[00:57:26] Right.

[00:57:27] There's a theme going around.

[00:57:29] There's a theme going around saying that, like, you know, if something happens bad at 3 a.m., I want my daughter, I don't want my daughter to say, oh, shit, what is mom going to think?

[00:57:37] I want her to be like, let me call my mom.

[00:57:39] I need help.

[00:57:40] Yeah.

[00:57:40] Exactly.

[00:57:41] Exactly.

[00:57:42] And that was our thing.

[00:57:44] I know my mom used to, she'd get upset on the phone and hang the phone up my face and then call back and talk normal.

[00:57:54] Ma'am, no.

[00:57:56] Uh-uh.

[00:57:56] I need time.

[00:57:58] And these are emotions.

[00:58:00] I don't know what just happened.

[00:58:01] Right.

[00:58:01] Like, do you not know that this just happened?

[00:58:03] But, like, no conversation, none of their feelings were ever validated as kids.

[00:58:09] Right.

[00:58:09] Ever.

[00:58:10] Right.

[00:58:10] And then most of them are violated sexually and then physically.

[00:58:13] Right.

[00:58:14] All of that.

[00:58:15] And then you give them kids.

[00:58:16] Right.

[00:58:17] And they did.

[00:58:18] Right.

[00:58:18] You know, so it just trickles down.

[00:58:20] But I'm really seeing more and more Black people, especially, like, you know, Uncle Johnny, we need to be talking about him.

[00:58:27] Somebody need to be talking about him.

[00:58:29] Oh, my daughter can't spend a night.

[00:58:30] Right.

[00:58:31] You know what I'm talking about?

[00:58:33] You know, Uncle Johnny, you know you get fresh now.

[00:58:35] You got to watch yourself.

[00:58:36] You can acknowledge that then.

[00:58:38] We need to do better.

[00:58:40] Uncle Johnny don't need to come Christmas.

[00:58:42] Yes.

[00:58:43] You know, stuff like that.

[00:58:44] Or actually, you know, maybe I shouldn't hit them every time they say something.

[00:58:47] Maybe I should listen to them.

[00:58:48] Because what people don't understand is that when you're raising your kids not to question you, for example, or not to talk back.

[00:58:54] And then we want them to be adults to speak up for themselves and ask questions.

[00:58:59] They're not going to do that.

[00:59:01] They're going to be timid, scared, and okay, like they had to be when they were younger.

[00:59:05] Right.

[00:59:06] Right.

[00:59:06] And then I'm going to be scared to come talk to you when I need to talk to you.

[00:59:09] Right.

[00:59:11] How is this going to go?

[00:59:12] Right.

[00:59:13] No matter how old you are, right, that alert system goes off because of what you were conditioned to believe.

[00:59:19] So I'm seeing us come around.

[00:59:21] And I think that having conversations like this can spark something in someone.

[00:59:25] I mean, and even my grandmother, it's so beautiful.

[00:59:28] Like the workshop I did yesterday, she came to the workshop.

[00:59:30] And it's like, wow, it's just full circle, right?

[00:59:32] And it was around boundaries.

[00:59:34] And she struggles bad with that for many different reasons.

[00:59:37] So she's asking questions and she's learning.

[00:59:39] And we've talked outside of that.

[00:59:41] And so her being in her 70s, you know, and being like, wow, okay, I can see that.

[00:59:46] Like it's just, it's a beautiful thing.

[00:59:48] Right.

[00:59:49] That's fantastic.

[00:59:50] That's one thing.

[00:59:52] My mom passed away in 2015.

[00:59:54] And I hate that she wasn't able to get the healing that she needed or that would have helped her do better, so to speak.

[01:00:06] But she and I were in a good place.

[01:00:09] And I'm thankful for that.

[01:00:11] But I think about the, what she must have gone through because of what we were outwardly seeing.

[01:00:19] And if we're outwardly seeing these things, inside must be, you know, in turmoil.

[01:00:25] Oh, yeah.

[01:00:26] Yes.

[01:00:26] I mean, we talking about people when, where teachers was able to do all kinds of, whooping you in school, all kind of crazy stuff was happening.

[01:00:32] Oh, we had a pedal room.

[01:00:33] Yeah.

[01:00:34] Yeah.

[01:00:34] I never went in it because all it took was to hear swats.

[01:00:38] Yeah, me too.

[01:00:39] Know all of them be good.

[01:00:41] And then the people that sat at my house, they was crazy.

[01:00:44] My mama was crazy.

[01:00:45] You know, my mama, she had, she passed away in 2019.

[01:00:49] And my dad, he passed away in 96, the year before we got married.

[01:00:56] And, you know, she always had this little scar right here above her breast.

[01:01:03] And I remember asking her one day, I said, Mom, where did that scar come from?

[01:01:06] She said, oh, that's when your brother, daddy shot me.

[01:01:10] I was like, what?

[01:01:12] Like, what is happening?

[01:01:13] What?

[01:01:14] He shot you.

[01:01:15] Oh, he shot you.

[01:01:15] A lot later.

[01:01:16] Like, like, hold on.

[01:01:19] Like, that was supposed to happen.

[01:01:20] Like, he shot you.

[01:01:22] I mean, he tried to kill you.

[01:01:24] Like, what?

[01:01:26] She survived that.

[01:01:27] And, you know, I don't know.

[01:01:28] She, I mean, I'm sure she probably never got any mental help for that.

[01:01:33] You know what I'm saying?

[01:01:34] So, you know, when you think about the things that they are dealing with and have dealt with

[01:01:39] in the past, and it's like, you have to kind of give some type of understanding to them.

[01:01:46] Yeah, not to condom it, but like, I get it.

[01:01:49] Because there's women living two days still.

[01:01:51] My grandma's one of them.

[01:01:52] That they've lived at a time where they were unable to go to the bank, get a car, get a

[01:01:57] loan, do nothing.

[01:01:59] They had to have a man speak for them.

[01:02:00] You know?

[01:02:01] So.

[01:02:01] We were talking, my grandmother and I were talking one day, and in the same conversation,

[01:02:07] she said, because we had good white folks around here, where these new people started

[01:02:11] coming in, further in the conversation.

[01:02:14] And then that one time they let the dogs out on me.

[01:02:18] See what I'm saying?

[01:02:20] The good white people?

[01:02:22] See what I'm saying?

[01:02:24] Like, what do you mean?

[01:02:25] What?

[01:02:25] They just suppressed.

[01:02:26] So that, like, that is the purest form of cognitive dissonance.

[01:02:32] Like, they were good white people, but they let the dogs out on you.

[01:02:37] Right.

[01:02:37] And that was good.

[01:02:38] You know what I mean?

[01:02:39] There was no connection.

[01:02:40] Right.

[01:02:40] There was no connection to, these are the same people.

[01:02:44] They're good because you didn't get matched or something like that.

[01:02:46] I guess.

[01:02:47] I don't know.

[01:02:48] I was so confused.

[01:02:51] And I wasn't about to ask any questions.

[01:02:54] Oh, yeah.

[01:02:54] You was just like, wait, hold on.

[01:02:56] Can we pause?

[01:02:57] I wasn't about, I don't think I wanted to understand that line of thinking.

[01:03:01] But, so I think, like, if you think about that, like, your mom and your grandma's age,

[01:03:06] right?

[01:03:06] And, like, where we are today.

[01:03:07] You can go on TikTok right now, Facebook right now, see black folks, black men loving on their

[01:03:11] babies.

[01:03:12] You know, black young families together.

[01:03:15] Homesteading.

[01:03:15] You know, not that they go on YouTube, but, like, we're tapping into what we want to do

[01:03:20] with our families.

[01:03:21] Right.

[01:03:21] Well, that was weird.

[01:03:23] We had this discussion the other day with our son.

[01:03:25] And he was like, you know, black people listen.

[01:03:28] Black people listen.

[01:03:29] That was a lot of niggas.

[01:03:30] I said, oh, I can't let you say that now.

[01:03:32] Statistically, there are some things going on in our community.

[01:03:35] But, I mean, we grew up where we moved from was a military community.

[01:03:40] So, we have a military base right near us.

[01:03:43] And I just seen so many black men all the time with their kids in public shopping with

[01:03:49] them, taking them to games and in recreation, you know, cheering them on, you know, not beating

[01:03:54] them upside the head.

[01:03:55] But, you know, like, happy and happily coaching.

[01:03:59] Coaching kids, softball and baseball teams.

[01:04:02] You know what I'm saying?

[01:04:02] So, it's like, some of that stuff is like, it's just, it's putting it out there to make

[01:04:08] us look bad.

[01:04:09] Right.

[01:04:09] I mean, I'm seeing it.

[01:04:10] You talk to people.

[01:04:11] Like, who do you know?

[01:04:12] Most people will say, I know a lot of men take care of their kids.

[01:04:15] Right.

[01:04:16] Right.

[01:04:16] Talk to people individually.

[01:04:18] They all say it.

[01:04:19] So, we have to be mindful, too, that the media controls what the masses believe.

[01:04:22] Yes.

[01:04:23] Right.

[01:04:23] It all can be the case.

[01:04:25] Right.

[01:04:25] And it's in our best interest to look around us and see and know better.

[01:04:31] It's not necessarily in the best interest of others.

[01:04:35] Right.

[01:04:35] We have to find the good in us.

[01:04:38] So, that's, you know.

[01:04:40] And I think that we do that more and more as we have.

[01:04:42] I know you guys talked about maybe getting into the coaching space and me being a coach.

[01:04:46] Like, it's a predominantly white female thing.

[01:04:49] And I'm in spaces where they talk about that.

[01:04:52] Like, we have, you know, BIPOC communities where we can have our own, you know, spaces

[01:04:57] and the conversation is being had.

[01:04:59] So, the more we have black coaches get into that, you know, the more that we bring a different

[01:05:03] dynamic, you know.

[01:05:05] White people are not able to understand certain things in the physical, mental, or emotional

[01:05:10] level.

[01:05:11] Not that you can't.

[01:05:12] Some of my best coaching has come from white people.

[01:05:14] Right.

[01:05:14] But the more we can get us into the space, the more we can see it's possible.

[01:05:19] I mean, even back when you didn't see black people on TV or you didn't see a black doctor.

[01:05:22] Like, it's the same concept.

[01:05:24] Like, we can see black people getting in, whether it is a job that they want to have, a career

[01:05:28] they want to have.

[01:05:29] Maybe they want to be an entrepreneur.

[01:05:30] It doesn't matter.

[01:05:31] But I think that as a mom, and especially three of my kids being girls, how important it is

[01:05:38] for whether I fail, whatever that might look like for them to see.

[01:05:41] Like, oh, she's building something of her own.

[01:05:43] And she's, you know, they see me being nervous.

[01:05:45] And we have those conversations.

[01:05:46] And they see me, I'm so scared to go do this, but I'm going to go do it anyway.

[01:05:50] And having these conversations.

[01:05:51] So it's normalized in their mind.

[01:05:53] Whereas when we were raised, in our mind, although we weren't saying this, there was

[01:05:57] something wrong if things weren't perfect.

[01:05:59] If you were struggling.

[01:06:01] Yeah.

[01:06:01] Right.

[01:06:03] One thing that I've tried to instill in our kids is that success is what you decide success

[01:06:12] is.

[01:06:13] Yeah.

[01:06:13] And so if you're happy doing X, Y, and Z, don't let society or your quote unquote friends

[01:06:20] or family tell you, no, that's not what you're supposed to be doing.

[01:06:24] You're supposed to be doing X, Y, and Z.

[01:06:25] And then that means that.

[01:06:26] Because we told them, you know, it's like, what do you want to do when you get out of

[01:06:30] school?

[01:06:31] Mm-hmm.

[01:06:32] I wasn't going to be like, I wasn't going to be the parent to say, you got to do this.

[01:06:36] You got to go to college.

[01:06:36] You got to do this.

[01:06:37] We just want you to do something.

[01:06:38] You need a plan.

[01:06:39] You need a plan.

[01:06:40] Right.

[01:06:40] Whatever you decide to do, because you're not going to look at me.

[01:06:45] Right.

[01:06:47] I would have been a lawyer because you told me.

[01:06:51] Right.

[01:06:52] And you know what, too?

[01:06:53] It's so funny because it's not just a black community like that.

[01:06:55] I know a lot of people from India, you know, Philippines, like they, especially Chinese,

[01:07:00] like they're also struggling with that from past, you know, generations.

[01:07:05] You're going to do this because these certain three or four things mean that you're important

[01:07:09] or you're going to make money.

[01:07:11] Right.

[01:07:11] So they struggle with that, too.

[01:07:13] There's a guy I follow on YouTube.

[01:07:16] I hadn't followed him in a while.

[01:07:18] But he was an Indian guy.

[01:07:20] No, Asian, I'm sorry.

[01:07:21] He was an actual doctor.

[01:07:23] He was like, I quit because I like working on cars.

[01:07:27] Wow.

[01:07:28] I couldn't tell my family that.

[01:07:30] You know what I'm saying?

[01:07:30] And it was just interesting.

[01:07:32] And he's built us a masses following on YouTube and everything.

[01:07:36] Yeah.

[01:07:36] Probably with a lot of Asians that are like, wait, what?

[01:07:39] Right.

[01:07:40] Right.

[01:07:41] Right.

[01:07:42] Okay.

[01:07:42] And that probably was not easy for him to do.

[01:07:45] So him being vulnerable and authentic, right?

[01:07:47] And showing himself like other people, yo, this is possible.

[01:07:51] You do know you don't have to follow that, right?

[01:07:53] Right.

[01:07:54] Right.

[01:07:55] You need that in every space.

[01:07:57] Absolutely.

[01:07:58] Absolutely.

[01:07:59] Well, we're going to wrap it up.

[01:08:01] This has been beautiful.

[01:08:02] Yeah.

[01:08:03] We talk all night.

[01:08:05] I'm telling you.

[01:08:05] That's not the reality.

[01:08:07] Both of our spaces.

[01:08:09] Yeah, I'm literally.

[01:08:10] Okay.

[01:08:12] So for our listeners, if we want to find you online, if we want to learn more about your

[01:08:18] services and what it is that you do, where can we find you?

[01:08:22] Yeah.

[01:08:22] Thank you.

[01:08:22] This has been so fun.

[01:08:24] First of all, I appreciate it.

[01:08:25] Absolutely.

[01:08:25] Yes.

[01:08:26] And a beautiful conversation.

[01:08:28] So if someone wants to connect with me, I am on Facebook at Regina Sloan.

[01:08:33] I am on Instagram at your mindset nurse, spelled just like it sounds.

[01:08:39] And then I also on both of those platforms, I mean, I'm on LinkedIn too.

[01:08:43] You know, most people aren't on there, but Regina Sloan on LinkedIn and everything I do

[01:08:48] is all over there.

[01:08:49] I have these platforms to serve people.

[01:08:51] So, you know, you can connect with me there, learn all about, you know, how to make anything

[01:08:55] better that you have going on.

[01:08:57] I post mostly every day about those kinds of things.

[01:08:59] I do have a monthly workshop.

[01:09:01] They're usually at the end of the month.

[01:09:02] Um, that's always on my social media, like in the cover page or something.

[01:09:06] My email is info at Regina Sloan coaching.com.

[01:09:10] Um, and if anyone, they are already looking for a life coach and they're, you know, loving

[01:09:15] what they're hearing here, you can just simply email me or DM me on any of those platforms.

[01:09:20] Um, I offer a free consult and it's an hour and we just get really clear on where they are.

[01:09:25] Like, where are you struggling?

[01:09:26] Where do you want to be?

[01:09:27] And, you know, the roadmap essentially to how to get you where you want to go.

[01:09:31] It is no hassle.

[01:09:32] We decide if you want to move forward or not, but either way, they usually, they leave

[01:09:36] knowing what, what's up, what they need to do.

[01:09:38] All right.

[01:09:39] All right.

[01:09:39] Thank you so much.

[01:09:40] We appreciate it.

[01:09:41] This has been wonderful.

[01:09:44] And, um, I feel so motivated just for my conversation.

[01:09:49] We shared with you before we started that both of us had a kind of rough day, but this conversation

[01:09:56] has helped.

[01:09:57] What about you?

[01:09:57] It definitely helped.

[01:09:58] It helped you.

[01:09:59] Yay!

[01:10:00] I love that.

[01:10:01] Yeah.

[01:10:01] This has been great too, because I was kind of like, uh, too, you know, like the days

[01:10:04] they did for me.

[01:10:05] And it's just amazing what, you know, connecting with other people and just having a genuine conversation

[01:10:11] 100%.

[01:10:12] So thank you so much for having me.

[01:10:13] Absolutely.

[01:10:14] Thank you.

[01:10:15] Thank you for joining us.

[01:10:16] And I will say this, you know, um, we're, we're a married couple.

[01:10:20] We've been at it for a while.

[01:10:23] So if you have any questions, you get time.

[01:10:28] You're not going choking.

[01:10:29] You're just, hey.

[01:10:31] Get up, Ms. Margaret.

[01:10:32] I might need a little, little, little, little consult, you know.

[01:10:36] I don't know.

[01:10:37] Yeah.

[01:10:37] Are y'all, are y'all, did y'all, y'all haven't met with Elvore yet?

[01:10:40] We are still, y'all can be thinking about.

[01:10:41] We're still working on it.

[01:10:43] We can't multitask.

[01:10:45] We can't multitask.

[01:10:46] And, and since we met with you before, we, we wrote a book.

[01:10:53] Really?

[01:10:54] Yes.

[01:10:55] Yeah.

[01:10:55] And we kind of shifted energy with that.

[01:10:59] And so right now, um, we're trying to get that finalized to determine a release

[01:11:05] Yep.

[01:11:06] Yep.

[01:11:07] Congratulations.

[01:11:07] Thank you.

[01:11:08] Thank you.

[01:11:09] Definitely.

[01:11:09] I don't know if I see a lot of your posts, you know, the algorithm is online, but definitely,

[01:11:14] you know, one thing I do with my clients, I try to do when they sign up, especially if

[01:11:18] it's something, usually something specific we're working on.

[01:11:21] Right.

[01:11:21] And so I know that ahead of time, I like to use like local businesses, people I know

[01:11:25] to gift them something.

[01:11:26] So like Stephanie, she has that journal and I bought her journal, like sent it to some

[01:11:30] of my clients.

[01:11:31] And so definitely let, that'd be something I want to put in my back pocket for sure.

[01:11:36] Um, especially when some people come to me about relationships specifically too.

[01:11:40] Yeah.

[01:11:40] We'll definitely link up with all these socials and everything.

[01:11:44] Yeah.

[01:11:44] Oh, thank you.

[01:11:46] Yeah.

[01:11:46] That's awesome.

[01:11:47] Congratulations.

[01:11:49] Thank you.

[01:11:49] I'm ready.

[01:11:50] You definitely can message me if you're like, I don't know what to do or how to get started

[01:11:53] or what, like I can definitely.

[01:11:55] Absolutely.

[01:11:57] Absolutely.

[01:11:57] Look, we, we got it recorded.

[01:12:00] You're right.

[01:12:01] I can't say I didn't do that.

[01:12:03] Dang.

[01:12:05] Regina, see y'all going to find me though.

[01:12:09] That's so funny.

[01:12:10] I'll be finding you, but I ain't got an answer.

[01:12:11] Y'all going to find me, you got me.

[01:12:13] That's so funny.

[01:12:15] That is so hilarious.

[01:12:16] So I'll continue to send people y'all away.

[01:12:19] I love that y'all are doing this and to have like a couple doing it together.

[01:12:22] I love it.

[01:12:22] I think it's awesome.

[01:12:23] Thank you so much.

[01:12:24] Thank you so much.

[01:12:25] Well, we appreciate you.

[01:12:27] And once again, we're going to have all of your information posted with the episode

[01:12:31] so people can find you.

[01:12:33] But thank you for sharing this time with us.

[01:12:35] Thank you.

[01:12:36] Y'all have a good night.

[01:12:37] Thank you.

[01:12:38] Thank you.

[01:12:49] Thanks for joining us on this episode of the Beyond I Do podcast.

[01:12:53] Please make sure to like this episode and also subscribe to our podcast.

[01:12:59] You can also find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at the Beyond I Do podcast.

[01:13:05] And until next time, we will holler at y'all.