Love After Loss with Glenn & Tanisha Adams

[00:00:03] After over 25 years of marriage, we've learned that successful couples have great friendships, put each other first, and focus on light just as much as love. We believe marriage should be fun and easy.

[00:00:15] Our goal is to share our journey with the hopes of helping others build strong, happy relationships. Join us as we continue to create our lives Beyond I Do.

[00:00:26] Do you and your partner want to learn simple ways to grow closer?

[00:00:39] Do you and your partner want to grow happier together?

[00:00:43] Do you and your partner want to be a unified front?

[00:00:46] Do you and your partner want to divorce proof your marriage?

[00:00:50] If you answer yes to these questions, you need to check out our book, A Larker Forever, 10 Keys to a Successful Marriage Beyond I Do.

[00:00:59] Each section focuses on a different aspect of marriage and briefly describes how we handled it in our relationship.

[00:01:05] At the end of the section, you're given an action step or key to complete with your partner.

[00:01:11] These keys are practical steps you can immediately implement in your relationship and help you or your partner be proactive and intentional about your relationship.

[00:01:20] You can purchase your copy on Amazon.com.

[00:01:23] And until next time, we will holler at y'all.

[00:01:36] Before we get into our episode, we want to share this disclaimer.

[00:01:39] We are not marriage counselors, nor are we mental health professionals.

[00:01:44] We simply want to share with you what has worked in our marriage.

[00:01:47] Now, onto our episode.

[00:01:51] All right, we'd like to welcome you back to another episode of the Beyond I Do podcast.

[00:02:09] We have some special guests with us today.

[00:02:11] We have just a lovely, lovely couple by the name of Tanisha and Glenn Adams.

[00:02:18] Tanisha comes to us as a multi-faceted entrepreneur and author known for her inspiring podcast, Healthy Mindset Miracles, and her travel agency, Ever Great Travel.

[00:02:33] She has a passion for helping others achieve positive and balanced mindsets.

[00:02:39] Fun fact about Tanisha, she has three girls while Glenn had four girls and two boys, and they came together like the Brady Bunch plus three.

[00:02:52] Great ball.

[00:02:54] And now we have Glenn, who is a dedicated professional Dodge Ram diesel mechanic.

[00:03:00] He has a passion for family and community and loves sport and guides others.

[00:03:05] Fun fact about Glenn, Glenn does not watch sports.

[00:03:10] Right.

[00:03:11] Wow.

[00:03:11] That's awesome.

[00:03:12] You know what?

[00:03:12] I used to be you Glenn.

[00:03:14] I used to be you like the beginning of our marriage.

[00:03:17] I said, I don't care.

[00:03:19] And you know where I work at it's like football season, basketball season.

[00:03:23] It's like, all right, they talking about this person, that person.

[00:03:27] So I just had to, you know, start paying attention to at least know who they were talking about so I could get in on the conversation.

[00:03:33] And now I'm just, I'm hooked now.

[00:03:36] Yeah.

[00:03:37] Before that, our Saturdays, and he brought this up the other day, reminded me, our Saturdays consisted of watching Lifetime movies all day.

[00:03:46] All day.

[00:03:47] Lifetime, House Hunters, several different little shows.

[00:03:53] Mm-hmm.

[00:03:54] Yeah.

[00:03:55] So thank you for joining us.

[00:03:57] Yes, thank you for joining us.

[00:03:57] Thank you for joining us.

[00:03:58] Thank you.

[00:03:59] Thank you for having us.

[00:04:00] If you would.

[00:04:01] And by now I think our listeners realize we had like a little meet and greet beforehand.

[00:04:07] So we get to know you all before we introduce you to the listeners, but we just had so much in common and we were so excited for this.

[00:04:16] So we thank you.

[00:04:17] We're excited.

[00:04:18] And we also will be joining Tanisha in the future on her podcast.

[00:04:23] So we'll keep the listeners updated with that.

[00:04:25] Thanks, my whole book.

[00:04:29] So if you would tell us about yourselves, tell us how you met.

[00:04:34] We know that you have a big blended family, but if you could let us know how that started.

[00:04:40] Oh, okay.

[00:04:41] So do you want to?

[00:04:43] Okay, right on.

[00:04:43] Well, the sports thing kind of went out the window because I have so many progeny boys and they never really were that interested in sports.

[00:04:54] Evan was.

[00:04:55] He's now 20.

[00:04:57] He'll be 21 in February.

[00:04:59] No, he'll be 22 in February.

[00:05:02] Okay.

[00:05:03] That's a little tough to keep up with to the so many.

[00:05:06] So we did football with him and I did basketball one year too.

[00:05:13] But, um, the question was, we coming together?

[00:05:16] How do we come together?

[00:05:17] Okay.

[00:05:18] Um, yeah, just my mind just goes everywhere when I start thinking about all the youngins and stuff.

[00:05:23] And we came, it's a, it's a pretty in depth story.

[00:05:29] Wow.

[00:05:29] How we come together because it wasn't.

[00:05:33] It's, it seems so meant to be now, but even after we were together for two and three years, we're looking at each other.

[00:05:38] And it was like, how did this happen?

[00:05:40] It's like.

[00:05:40] Um, cause we were, we were friends per se.

[00:05:44] Um, even though there was, um, a little.

[00:05:46] Correction.

[00:05:47] Content.

[00:05:49] We're not friends.

[00:05:51] Well, me and his late wife were friends.

[00:05:54] Uh, that's true.

[00:05:56] So she and I worked together, um, because she owned a salon and I was a hairdresser.

[00:06:01] So I ended up working with her at her salon.

[00:06:04] And, um, she and I worked together in business adventures as well with beauty control.

[00:06:10] And, um, then a few years after two years after we started working together, my grandmother got very, very ill.

[00:06:18] So I ended up having to leave to go to Colorado to get my grandmother and bring her back to Florida.

[00:06:22] And during that time period, um, is when Brandy got sick and I, you know, I'd lost contact with them because I was so focused on getting my grandmother well,

[00:06:36] but I wasn't interacting with them as often as I should have been or, or was doing prior to.

[00:06:42] So from there, um, you know, he, he went through a lot with Brandy trying to get her well.

[00:06:51] Um, she ended up having stomach cancer and it in 2016, it unfortunately took her life.

[00:06:59] And, um, so there was a year span between 2016 and 2017.

[00:07:05] I had zero contact with him.

[00:07:08] And, um, because he wasn't my friend.

[00:07:10] She was my friend.

[00:07:11] Yeah.

[00:07:11] Acquaintance is the word I should have used.

[00:07:13] Yeah.

[00:07:14] And, um, even though I knew him and I knew their family and our kids played with each other and,

[00:07:19] you know, we, we, you know, we were, we knew each other in that aspect.

[00:07:23] Like I hung out with her.

[00:07:25] I, you know, he would go to events with us and we actually have a picture.

[00:07:28] It was weird.

[00:07:29] Cause we thought we found the picture recently.

[00:07:31] There's a picture of me, then Brandy, and then him on the other side of Brandy.

[00:07:36] And we were at an event together and he found the picture and I'm like, wow.

[00:07:41] Like back then we had no idea, like how the turn of events would happen.

[00:07:45] And then you can hear that you see this picture and it's like, it's crazy.

[00:07:48] And then, um, so a year later I ended up taking my daughter, my youngest daughter to a public

[00:07:55] private school.

[00:07:56] And I'd forgotten that their youngest daughter was at that same private school.

[00:08:00] And when two weeks after I enrolled her, I was coming out of the school from picking her up and I ran into him.

[00:08:07] And then you can take it from there.

[00:08:09] Yeah.

[00:08:10] Um, it was a tad awkward and, uh, turned out you had been taking her to that school for two weeks at that point.

[00:08:17] So, um, yeah, and I was, I was pretty involved in their schooling and I was always the one picking them up, dropping off and making everything happen.

[00:08:25] Um, so it was to see her there was a little different, but even at that moment, we didn't think of coming together.

[00:08:35] It just, it just happened that way.

[00:08:37] I had actually, I had joined the owners of the school, um, for business, um, Amway actually, um, and the, um, mentorship program and stuff of it.

[00:08:47] And then the commodity and the group setting and, um, the friendships that were, that came out of that.

[00:08:54] Um, and the, the posterity that I was looking for, for my family, instead of just, um, doing the nine to five and then having much of nothing to, to stand on in the long run.

[00:09:04] Um, so I was interested, I was sharing that with her.

[00:09:07] Um, and so she went out one evening to one of the meetings with us.

[00:09:11] Um, and then we decided to stop at, um, to eat on the way home.

[00:09:16] And we sat across the table one from one another and started talking and realized we had so much in common.

[00:09:21] And, um, even a warm beer.

[00:09:24] I ordered my beer with a room temperature glass and the same thing.

[00:09:30] And, and that was, that was pretty neat.

[00:09:32] That was a little bit first sight.

[00:09:35] I mean, that's, that's a unique thing to have in common.

[00:09:40] I love it.

[00:09:40] Second sight, I guess, right.

[00:09:42] At Clayton's first.

[00:09:43] But yeah.

[00:09:44] Um, and then it just kind of went on from there and we ended up, she had, she invited me out to a Bible study.

[00:09:50] She thought was, um, incorporated men and women, but it was just for women.

[00:09:54] And I opened up the door about the walk in and I saw nothing but women looking at me.

[00:09:59] And they said, um, you may have the wrong room.

[00:10:02] This is just a women Bible study.

[00:10:04] And having a study down the hallway though.

[00:10:07] And I went ahead and moseyed on over there.

[00:10:09] And I enjoyed myself.

[00:10:10] Um, not really the type of settings that I usually ended up in.

[00:10:13] And there's, there's reason for that too.

[00:10:15] But I was impressed that you even showed up.

[00:10:18] Yeah.

[00:10:19] Well.

[00:10:21] And I, I thought.

[00:10:22] I was showing up for, go ahead.

[00:10:26] Oh, I love what you said about with the kids and being involved with the groups and the school and things like that.

[00:10:34] And so.

[00:10:34] Even though you, you were grieving and you had lost, you were there enough to know that you needed to support the kids.

[00:10:41] Sure.

[00:10:41] That's good.

[00:10:42] Thank you.

[00:10:43] With that part.

[00:10:44] Um, yeah, we worked on that pretty intensely.

[00:10:48] So I immediately found a place to, for grief share, um, for myself.

[00:10:54] And, um, with just a man that had lost his wife, um, at, um, real life church.

[00:11:00] And there in Sorrento.

[00:11:03] Um, and there was also, they just began a group setting for, for grief share that's at that same time.

[00:11:09] Oh, wow.

[00:11:10] So I attended that as well.

[00:11:11] And then I found out of a new hope for kids over in Maitland and man, do they do some great work.

[00:11:16] Um, and, uh, it was a setting for the families and a setting for just the parents to be with other parents.

[00:11:23] And, and then, um, a setting for just the kids as well.

[00:11:28] So, so it was, there was grief share.

[00:11:31] We were doing it three times a week.

[00:11:32] Um, and I also took a whole month, um, cause I had been working for myself at that point.

[00:11:38] And I took a whole month and we got in the van and we went to see family.

[00:11:42] We went, um, up Georgia and hang out there, hung out there for a bit.

[00:11:45] And then Pennsylvania, um, Tennessee, and then over to, uh, Texas.

[00:11:50] And so a whole month we were gone just visiting family and letting everything else loose.

[00:11:54] And, uh, so that's, so the grief, uh, you know, it dissipated pretty quickly.

[00:12:00] And I wanted my progeny to see us move on a little, a little sooner than maybe some normal, or I just wanted it to seem not so abnormal.

[00:12:08] And that life goes on because their mama Brandy wouldn't have wanted us to be moping and even without a mother figure and such.

[00:12:17] And, um, that's not to say that I didn't make some dumb mistakes along the way there, um, for rebound or whatever the case may be.

[00:12:25] But, um, the grief share is really a big deal.

[00:12:30] And I'm the biggest thing that I took out of, out of the grief share really is to do the next thing.

[00:12:35] And that I can't hold more than one actual thought in my mind at a time.

[00:12:39] You know, I have the choice rather to really just focus on the one thing or, or the next.

[00:12:46] And I've, I chose to do the next thing, you know, and just remember those great times with my, with my lady.

[00:12:53] You know, that's beautiful.

[00:12:54] That's so beautiful.

[00:12:55] And one of the things that I'm sorry, go ahead.

[00:12:58] Go ahead.

[00:12:59] I was gonna say one of the things that, um, when we started dating, cause it was three months to see, we saw each other in February.

[00:13:06] The end of March is when we went to that meeting together.

[00:13:10] And then first of April is like the very next day we decided to kind of made sense to try to just like date.

[00:13:16] Like kind of get to know, get closer.

[00:13:18] Um, so, you know, a month after that, so like April, the end of April, beginning of May, which was actually one year to the date that Brandy had passed away.

[00:13:31] She passed away in May of 2016, correct?

[00:13:34] Yes.

[00:13:35] Okay.

[00:13:35] Um, so it was one year.

[00:13:37] So we all went to a new hope for kids grieving meeting together as a group.

[00:13:43] So me and my daughter and him and his children all went together as a family to remember Brandy and to, um, you know, talk about, you know, the changes.

[00:13:57] Cause here it is now I'm coming around and they know me, but now they know me.

[00:14:05] They're seeing me interacting with their dad in ways that they've never seen before.

[00:14:10] Right.

[00:14:11] So I think that, that type, that counseling setting really kind of helped, you know, the, the growing in the grieving.

[00:14:19] And we've always talked about Brandy.

[00:14:21] We still talk about Brandy to this day.

[00:14:24] Um, that's always been something that I felt like was really important.

[00:14:28] Like, yeah, I'm here and yeah, I've married your dad, but I don't take the place of your mom.

[00:14:35] I am here loving your mom with you.

[00:14:38] Your mom is still a big part of our life.

[00:14:41] Right.

[00:14:41] And we talk about her and, and, you know, it's, I feel like that's really helped a lot for the, you're tearing up.

[00:14:49] I'm good, babe.

[00:14:51] Sure.

[00:14:52] You're tearing up.

[00:14:56] Um, but yeah, so it's just, it's a beautiful thing.

[00:15:00] And I think, I honestly hope that your listeners and my listeners can, that have lost a loved one and then come together that the step parent or the parent that comes in, you know, can take to heart that it's okay to still incorporate the lost parent.

[00:15:19] You know, right.

[00:15:22] So, um, and then not too long after.

[00:15:25] Yeah.

[00:15:25] Not too long after.

[00:15:27] Um, we had gotten married.

[00:15:30] I don't even know how many years.

[00:15:32] Let's see what the married seven years and that happened.

[00:15:35] So three years after we got married, my youngest daughter's father passed away of cancer.

[00:15:39] Oh, wow.

[00:15:41] So it was in a sense, like his family had already gone through that.

[00:15:46] And now we're, we went through it again with my daughter's father.

[00:15:51] Yeah.

[00:15:52] And I became good friends pretty quick too.

[00:15:55] So that was a big loss.

[00:15:56] So it's quite, it was quite an adventure in life that was unexpected, but here we are.

[00:16:03] It sounds like the, the wellbeing of the kids is, is like front and foremost.

[00:16:12] And I commend you both for that.

[00:16:15] Yes.

[00:16:16] Um, because like I said, when we're going for me, I get wrapped up in self and I'm, if I'm going through something and I have to stop and think about the other people that are being affected.

[00:16:27] So I just, I love that, that you all have been open and honest with the kids and allowed them to have that space also.

[00:16:36] Right.

[00:16:36] Yeah.

[00:16:37] They're, um, they're now adults, um, except for our 15 year old.

[00:16:42] She was, how old was she?

[00:16:44] She said six.

[00:16:45] She was six when we started dating.

[00:16:48] Um, and then mine was, she was 80.

[00:16:52] She was eight when we started.

[00:16:54] Oh yeah.

[00:16:54] Cause she was six.

[00:16:55] Okay.

[00:16:55] Yeah.

[00:16:55] She was eight.

[00:16:56] She was eight.

[00:16:56] And then mine was 10.

[00:17:01] And then the next one was 13.

[00:17:05] No, 12.

[00:17:06] You got it.

[00:17:07] Yeah.

[00:17:08] 12.

[00:17:08] So there was eight, 10 and 12.

[00:17:10] And now they're, I think we're off by those numbers, but anyways, now they're 15, 18 and 20.

[00:17:17] Um, so I think we were off by like eight and 11.

[00:17:20] So it's eight and 11.

[00:17:22] So do the kids get along with each other?

[00:17:25] Oh, they love each other.

[00:17:28] Very well.

[00:17:29] Very much.

[00:17:29] They're there.

[00:17:30] You cannot tear them girls apart.

[00:17:32] Um, there's just no way they are.

[00:17:35] They're bonded to, to know, like it is.

[00:17:40] I can't even explain without crying how tight these girls are and the boys, the boys are,

[00:17:47] they're still, you know, involved and still tight with the girls and they still all interact

[00:17:52] as a family.

[00:17:53] And it's just that the three girls that were still younger and in the home, because the

[00:17:57] rest of our girls were all adults by then.

[00:17:59] So they weren't in the home, but the three younger girls, they were still in our home

[00:18:04] and the boys were living in Alabama.

[00:18:07] And, um, and we still like interacted with them, went and traveled and visited with them

[00:18:12] and stuff like that.

[00:18:13] But those three girls being raised together the way that they were, um, going through the

[00:18:20] grief together, going through all of the challenges.

[00:18:24] Ooh, here it comes.

[00:18:30] Going through all the challenges that we went through, our girls have been our rock because

[00:18:35] we've seen how strong that they've been together.

[00:18:38] And it's made us stronger as husband and wife and as parents, because of how they have, they've

[00:18:45] respected us, loved us, cherried us and lifted us up.

[00:18:48] Even when we were in the weakest moments of our times of life.

[00:18:52] So yeah, we are 100,000% blessed with them girls.

[00:18:57] 100,000%.

[00:18:58] Yeah.

[00:18:58] They would challenge us if we got a little off track, they would challenge us and cause

[00:19:03] us to think about things, you know, and, and, uh, come, come at me, um, as if it was outside

[00:19:09] looking in instead of involved, it was pretty neat how mature these girls became so soon.

[00:19:15] I'm sure that there was probably some times we all probably was like, look, I don't know

[00:19:21] if this is going to work.

[00:19:22] You know, girls is probably like, look, it's going to work.

[00:19:25] Y'all going to make this work.

[00:19:27] Yeah.

[00:19:28] I can tell you.

[00:19:29] Y'all see the time.

[00:19:30] We're going to talk about this as a family.

[00:19:32] Yes.

[00:19:32] That's beautiful.

[00:19:33] So do you, tell us a little bit about, um, what, like what you do now, Tanisha, we

[00:19:39] know you have the podcast and, but you all have a unique, um, living situation.

[00:19:46] If you could tell us a little bit about that.

[00:19:48] Yeah.

[00:19:50] So, um, about two, three years ago, uh, one of the tragic things that we went through

[00:19:54] is we ended up losing our family home and it wasn't for our doing.

[00:19:58] It was, it was a crooked deal of the buying the home.

[00:20:03] That was 10 years prior to my existence there.

[00:20:07] But, um, so that's a whole nother story in itself, but anyways, unfortunately we ended

[00:20:12] up losing our home and we had our RV and, um, we made the decision to just, you know,

[00:20:20] we dropped the lawsuit and we decided that we weren't going to pursue it anymore.

[00:20:25] We got rid of everything that we had and unless it fit in our car RV, we weren't going to

[00:20:30] bring it with us.

[00:20:31] The girls had a decision.

[00:20:33] Um, by then they were old enough to make a decision.

[00:20:35] Um, and their decision was they either come with us and we're going to go travel or they

[00:20:43] can stay behind with family or friends who wherever they felt safe and we felt safe for

[00:20:48] them and continue on with their schooling.

[00:20:51] Um, so they did half and half actually.

[00:20:54] So part of the time they did stay behind until we got to our destination.

[00:20:59] Cause I don't think they wanted to do the road traveling part of it.

[00:21:05] So we got to our destination and then we would fly back, pick them up, fly them to where we

[00:21:11] were and keep them with us.

[00:21:12] And, you know, so that's how that went on, but it was nice because they enjoyed the travels.

[00:21:18] They enjoyed being able to see Colorado and Texas and all these different states that we

[00:21:25] were in.

[00:21:26] And, and we enjoyed the adventure because they were homeschooling then.

[00:21:30] So they got to, you know, do some extra classes that with us schooling that they wouldn't have

[00:21:36] been able to do if they were just stationary at home.

[00:21:39] So in a way it was a blessing that, you know, we got put in this position and, um, we're

[00:21:45] still currently in our RV, um, but we're stationary in Alabama now instead of, you know, in Colorado.

[00:21:51] And, um, we drive back and forth into Florida and, you know, our 15 year old, she's with us.

[00:21:58] Still the other ones are adults.

[00:21:59] They're on their own living on their own and doing fantastic actually.

[00:22:03] And, um, so we, we still have like a lot that we're doing.

[00:22:09] We're deciding to settle down and we're looking for land and we're going to start buying property

[00:22:14] and building a house.

[00:22:16] But I mean, it's been an adventure and I've enjoyed every moment of it because, you know,

[00:22:21] cleaning an RV is a lot easier than cleaning a huge house.

[00:22:26] Yeah.

[00:22:27] We're going to attest to that.

[00:22:28] Yeah.

[00:22:28] I can tell you about six months ago, I started, um, on, on that whole idea and started planting

[00:22:38] seeds with him.

[00:22:39] So just sell everything and travel.

[00:22:43] Um, our older.

[00:22:46] And so we are semi empty nesters.

[00:22:49] They still live with us, but they're adult children.

[00:22:52] And so I'm like, you know, we don't have to worry about school or anything like that.

[00:22:56] So I think that we are coming to a compromise and within the next few years, hopefully we'll,

[00:23:05] we'll do more travel, but we'll still have a stationary base somewhere, somewhere out there.

[00:23:11] We do.

[00:23:12] We have, we have two stationary bases, thank goodness.

[00:23:15] And, you know, so we're, we're actually more than that, but you know, two main stationary

[00:23:20] bases and it's nice.

[00:23:22] It's nice to have stationary base, but it's also nice to be able to have that freedom.

[00:23:26] Right.

[00:23:26] You know, we get to live our life wherever we want to be.

[00:23:30] Right.

[00:23:30] So, you know, it's, that's nice.

[00:23:32] And being able to work from home.

[00:23:34] Well, from my RV is a blessing as well.

[00:23:39] You know, I, wherever I go, my work goes with me.

[00:23:42] If I wanted to, if I want to leave at home, I leave at home.

[00:23:45] So, you know, that's so big of it.

[00:23:47] Right.

[00:23:47] So it's, it's been a good thing.

[00:23:50] Um, for him, his is a little different, um, because he works with mechanics and so, you

[00:23:57] know, he has to be stationary, but he's learned to, um, do odd and end jobs.

[00:24:03] Like wherever we're at, if somebody needs something, he's learned to, you know, help

[00:24:07] cause he can build anything.

[00:24:08] Like he's a genius if you ask me.

[00:24:11] And so a lot of times people will say, well, I need to have, I need you to fill a hole

[00:24:15] for me and he'll go fill a hole and get paid to do that or whatever.

[00:24:19] Or bargain.

[00:24:20] The recent hole she's talking about is, um, digging through roots and, uh, in the clay

[00:24:26] and breaking it out with the pickaxe, right.

[00:24:28] And then running some pipeline to bring water to a shop.

[00:24:33] Oh, several different areas.

[00:24:35] And then filling it back in of course, and making it look like it wasn't really dug because

[00:24:41] I'm saving the grass as sod.

[00:24:43] Right.

[00:24:43] And then putting it back on top.

[00:24:45] And yeah, so that's, that's the hole she's talking about.

[00:24:48] The extent of, of handyman work that she really knows.

[00:24:53] That was, that was, listen, I was about to say, he does his thing.

[00:24:57] I do my thing.

[00:24:58] When I said something about moving, like I'm talking about this big, huge life change

[00:25:05] and life choice.

[00:25:06] And he says, what happens when I get ready to turn a wrench?

[00:25:10] Yep.

[00:25:11] Like what?

[00:25:14] Immediately I'm thinking, okay, we can sell the house.

[00:25:18] We can get an RV.

[00:25:19] But the RV is going to have sister room for my toolbox.

[00:25:24] And another piece of something for my bike.

[00:25:28] Uh huh.

[00:25:28] Full of living with it.

[00:25:30] You know what I'm saying?

[00:25:31] It's like, uh, way longer than regulations, you know.

[00:25:35] The motorcycle and the tools.

[00:25:37] That was, that's what he was concerned with.

[00:25:40] Yeah.

[00:25:41] The whole back of his truck is nothing but tools and underneath our RV is tools.

[00:25:46] So I get it.

[00:25:49] I totally, actually we had a mishap.

[00:25:53] So he had had these large batteries and we forgot that he put it in our back bedroom

[00:25:59] of the RV and which is the very, very back of the RV.

[00:26:02] And we forgot it was there.

[00:26:04] And I don't know if y'all have ever driven through Louisiana, but Louisiana has the worst

[00:26:09] roads that you would know this happened in Louisiana, but still really bumpy.

[00:26:14] Oh yeah.

[00:26:14] The worst roads ever.

[00:26:15] So we're driving through and it's boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[00:26:18] Shaking and then running.

[00:26:20] Next thing we know, we stopped to rest because we were really exhausted.

[00:26:24] And we get out of the truck and I go around the back of the RV to let the dog go to the

[00:26:27] bathroom.

[00:26:28] And I happened to look and like the RV back in is like, it's busted out like this

[00:26:32] far split.

[00:26:34] Split.

[00:26:34] And I'm like, Oh my God.

[00:26:37] I'm like, Clint, we've got a problem.

[00:26:38] And he's like, wait, what are you talking about?

[00:26:40] I said, the back end of our RV is falling out.

[00:26:42] And he's like, what do you mean?

[00:26:44] And that's why I go.

[00:26:44] But I think I know what it is.

[00:26:46] And he's like, what do you think it is?

[00:26:47] I said, it's the batteries.

[00:26:49] They pushed it out.

[00:26:50] I was like those batteries back there.

[00:26:51] So apparently those, how heavy are those?

[00:26:54] 128 pounds a piece.

[00:26:56] I was putting a solar system set up and I didn't reinforce the shelving in there as

[00:27:01] well.

[00:27:01] And I didn't strap the batteries down.

[00:27:04] So they were jumping and bouncing around and then they finally got down underneath

[00:27:09] the shelf and then lodged themselves down there and then began to split the side of

[00:27:13] the wall out.

[00:27:14] I did get it repaired and looking good.

[00:27:17] And it hasn't leaked since that's been about a year and a half and no leaks or anything,

[00:27:21] but I repaired it all myself.

[00:27:23] Thank goodness.

[00:27:24] I know how to do that stuff too.

[00:27:26] You can do anything.

[00:27:27] That was something to a home Depot or something like that.

[00:27:30] Hey, that's the real estate.

[00:27:35] It's real.

[00:27:35] It's now after it's all together.

[00:27:37] That's what I use to seal it all.

[00:27:39] So we'll take, yeah.

[00:27:41] And then I've recovered my own roof and everything too.

[00:27:44] Yeah.

[00:27:45] Now we're going to be at Lowe's looking for gorillas.

[00:27:52] Well, listen, we'll give you a list of things you're going to need for just half.

[00:27:56] We've already been through it all.

[00:27:58] We've just testimony that it works for sure.

[00:28:01] I'm going in front of the RV.

[00:28:02] You've got peeled up the first time we were over in, in, um, Corpus Christi and the storm

[00:28:07] came off of the Gulf and literally peeled up part of the front of the roof and water

[00:28:11] started coming in where we were sleeping up there.

[00:28:14] Yeah.

[00:28:15] So we repaired that before we got back on the freeway myself.

[00:28:18] Thank goodness.

[00:28:19] That'd have been expensive too.

[00:28:21] So would you all decide on various locations to go, or was it just like, let's just go this

[00:28:28] way or.

[00:28:29] We did kind of, um, and that Corpus was when I was hanging out with my grandma.

[00:28:33] I wanted to be, be there in that area with her.

[00:28:36] And that was the last time we saw her.

[00:28:37] That was the last time we saw her.

[00:28:38] She was 96.

[00:28:40] Wow.

[00:28:41] Still living on her own, still driving.

[00:28:43] All the girls were with us.

[00:28:45] It was a great trip.

[00:28:47] That's wonderful.

[00:28:48] Yeah.

[00:28:49] Well, we, yeah, we, our first parts of traveling, we went to South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama,

[00:28:58] Texas, and then back.

[00:29:00] That was our first trip.

[00:29:02] And then our second trip, we went from Florida to Alabama, Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, several

[00:29:12] areas in Colorado.

[00:29:13] We loved Colorado.

[00:29:14] Yeah.

[00:29:15] Several areas in Colorado, went back to Florida state on the beach for a month, went back to

[00:29:19] Colorado and then ended back in Alabama.

[00:29:22] So it was fun.

[00:29:23] It was a lot of fun.

[00:29:26] Yeah.

[00:29:26] So where is you have load range G tires, right?

[00:29:33] Range G tires instead of the E.

[00:29:34] Forgive me.

[00:29:35] Go ahead.

[00:29:37] Now, where is home?

[00:29:38] Like, you know, where'd you guys met with, with a part of the country?

[00:29:42] Where are you?

[00:29:43] Central Florida, essentially, where we, where we become acquainted.

[00:29:47] Yeah.

[00:29:48] Central Florida, closer to Ocala Lake County.

[00:29:50] Okay.

[00:29:52] Okay.

[00:29:52] Okay.

[00:29:53] So now Tanisha, you have your podcast.

[00:29:56] What is your podcast about?

[00:29:59] Oh, it's amazing stories.

[00:30:01] So I started out wanting it to be called mental health miracles.

[00:30:06] But there's so many mental health podcasts out there.

[00:30:11] And so many people talk about mental health, but they talk about it differently than I do.

[00:30:15] So I talk about mental health and a positive standpoint, like, here's the challenge I used

[00:30:21] to have.

[00:30:22] Then now I, here's the victories that I'm living in.

[00:30:25] And so the people who come on my podcast that I interview, we talk about those things.

[00:30:30] Like my very first podcast is just me.

[00:30:32] And I talk about thought process, you know, how to think positively and, and really, you

[00:30:38] know, you change your mindset.

[00:30:40] And so once I thought about that, I'm like, I'm going to change the name of my podcast

[00:30:45] to healthy mindset miracles, because really that's what I want people to go home with as

[00:30:50] a healthy mindset.

[00:30:51] And so most of my, I was just actually editing right before we got on this.

[00:30:59] I did an interview and it's going to be dropping this week, probably tomorrow.

[00:31:02] I'm Jason Tottle.

[00:31:04] Jason Tottle.

[00:31:04] He is a father of two children who had disabilities.

[00:31:09] And one of them was his oldest son.

[00:31:12] And doing this interview with him was very triggering for me, which is interesting because

[00:31:19] it's, it takes a lot to trigger me because I've worked so hard on my mindset in the last

[00:31:23] seven, eight years that, that it surprised me that it triggered me.

[00:31:29] But I think what triggered me is when he started talking about when his son died and he was

[00:31:33] talking about all of the details of how that happened and what he went through during that

[00:31:41] timeframe of the son passing away.

[00:31:44] And then what he did was he took that grief that he had from losing his son and he turned

[00:31:51] it into letters.

[00:31:52] He started writing because he went to therapy and the therapist told him start writing letters

[00:31:58] to your son, whether you burn them, share them.

[00:32:02] It doesn't matter.

[00:32:03] Just start writing them down.

[00:32:05] And so he's got a huge book with all these letters that he wrote to us on and they're

[00:32:10] called letters to Zachary.

[00:32:12] And, um, and so I was just editing that and I was thinking, wow, like this is my episode

[00:32:19] number 15 and all the stories that I've had, and I've had people on there talking about how

[00:32:24] one mother who, um, she had had this business and some things went backwards on her business.

[00:32:32] And she contemplating wanting suicide.

[00:32:35] And she remembers sitting in her, her closet and she had the gun in her hand.

[00:32:41] And, and she heard this still small voice that said, just pick up the phone, drop that, pick

[00:32:46] up the phone.

[00:32:47] If you, if you do this, your kids are going to be the first ones going to see you.

[00:32:51] So pick up the phone.

[00:32:53] So she picked up the phone and called the suicide hotline and the lady come talk to her

[00:32:57] into coming and meeting her in person.

[00:32:59] And then they ended up helping her.

[00:33:01] And she took that pain and she turned it into something positive today.

[00:33:05] And just about everyone.

[00:33:07] And so did, so did Jason.

[00:33:09] He did the same thing.

[00:33:10] He took that pain and turned it into positive because now he has this letter to Zachary and

[00:33:15] he's helping fathers who grieve their children because men grieve a lot different than women

[00:33:21] do.

[00:33:21] And, um, so he shares that.

[00:33:25] And so it's these kinds of stories that empower me, but I know they empower my listeners

[00:33:31] because they help people understand that.

[00:33:35] Yeah.

[00:33:36] Life can be very, very tough, but there's hope and you can be victorious over these challenges.

[00:33:45] And it's, it's incredible seeing these stories unfold.

[00:33:49] And I tell him every time, like I, every time I'm editing, I'm like, oh, this was way better than I thought it was.

[00:33:53] You know, because when I'm going through the interviews, you're just going through the motions of what's going on.

[00:33:59] And, but when you go back and you edit it and you start listening to the words that were being said, you're like, wow, this is powerful.

[00:34:07] You know?

[00:34:07] And so I just, I love what I do.

[00:34:09] I love the stories.

[00:34:10] I love the interviews and it's just, it's become a major part of who I am.

[00:34:16] Um, because I, I feel like it's helping a lot of people, um, with these various different challenges.

[00:34:23] And it's beautiful.

[00:34:25] I've actually had people message me and I've had my podcast.

[00:34:28] Well, November of this year will be one full year.

[00:34:30] And I've had people message me, Hey, I heard this podcast and I've listened to it over and over and it's really helped me.

[00:34:36] And I'm like, oh, yes, that's, you know, that's that one person.

[00:34:38] It's all you want to make it worth it.

[00:34:41] Just one part.

[00:34:42] Just that one.

[00:34:42] Yes.

[00:34:43] And then, you know, I do the editing for our podcast.

[00:34:46] Like you said, during the interview, you're thinking of questions.

[00:34:50] You're thinking of, okay, what's next?

[00:34:53] I'm like, go back and edit this.

[00:34:54] And when I get those nuggets, you know, they said some awesome stuff, you know, sometimes even I'm editing.

[00:35:02] And I'm like, okay, I got to listen to this again.

[00:35:05] And I always miss her.

[00:35:06] Like, you know, I've edited it.

[00:35:08] So even when we publish it, it's like, I don't want to listen to that again, but I sneak from this.

[00:35:14] Well, I've gotten to a point where when I'm traveling, I'll turn on my own podcast to go back and listen to these stories again.

[00:35:21] And then I'll go and turn on other people's podcasts that are similar to mine.

[00:35:25] Like I'll be listening to y'all's this trip that I'll be driving next.

[00:35:30] But that's when I, or like the only times I get an opportunity to listen are when I'm taking a shower, when I'm going for a walk, or when I'm going for a drive.

[00:35:39] And those are the three times that I get an opportunity to listen to anything.

[00:35:43] But it's so amazing to me to have those podcast options instead of just listening to radio, which music's great.

[00:35:50] Don't get me wrong.

[00:35:51] But after a while, you can get bored with music and you really need something to keep your mind going.

[00:35:58] And I feel like listening to music is great.

[00:36:01] But listening to a podcast makes that seven hour drive feel like it's only an hour.

[00:36:06] You know?

[00:36:07] Yes.

[00:36:07] Now when we normally travel, that's, I mean, we have our set podcasts and that's all like music.

[00:36:16] Now we may turn the radio on real low as we ride around town.

[00:36:20] If we're talking.

[00:36:21] If we're talking about episodes and what ideas were.

[00:36:25] And usually the radio might even be off.

[00:36:27] But when we hit the road, hey, what you want to listen to?

[00:36:31] Yeah.

[00:36:32] I have friends that, you know, they'd be like, you know, I was an avid hip hop fan back, you know, still, I still love hip hop.

[00:36:41] You know what I'm talking about?

[00:36:42] But it's like, one of my coworkers would be like, you know, have you heard such and such a new record?

[00:36:47] Yeah, I'm gonna listen to it.

[00:36:49] That was released in like five months ago.

[00:36:51] I have title, I have all that, but I just, I'm enthralled with podcasts and I love hearing wonderful stories.

[00:36:59] Right, right.

[00:37:01] Well, I think that they keep us with a positive mindset.

[00:37:04] I was challenged today.

[00:37:06] I actually started last night.

[00:37:10] I was challenged because even though we try so hard to stay positive, we have those moments of slip ups.

[00:37:17] And I had that moment of slip up last night that poured into this morning.

[00:37:21] And the worst thing, and I've learned this lesson, the worst thing to do is get on Facebook or social media and start scrolling.

[00:37:30] And the worst thing to do is go start looking at them comments.

[00:37:34] Yeah.

[00:37:35] Because I was looking at comments today on a video that was just a very cute dance video of a couple that I follow and they had a friend dancing with them.

[00:37:46] And I go in the comments to go say something positive.

[00:37:50] Yeah.

[00:37:50] And all I see is negative, like people attacking them almost like bullies.

[00:37:55] And then I go and I look at these people's profile pages and I'm like, dude, you're probably the same age as me.

[00:38:04] And you're saying these ugly things.

[00:38:06] Like when did this world get to be so negative?

[00:38:10] And like, why are you looking like you're probably in your 50s talking about this girl's hair?

[00:38:17] Like, why does it matter to you what this girl's hair looks like?

[00:38:21] So I'm hoping that people like you guys and myself and many other podcasters that are trying to do positive things can turn that around, you know, just by putting positivity out there.

[00:38:37] And I want to put a challenge out there and I'll start it here right there on your podcast because I was going to put it out earlier.

[00:38:43] But here's my challenge to your listeners.

[00:38:45] And it'll be a challenge to my listeners when I go to tell them.

[00:38:49] I challenge you to at least once to twice a day, if not more, go find any kind of whatever real post on any social media, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, whatever, and go say something positive.

[00:39:08] Be positive because your words are extremely powerful.

[00:39:12] Right.

[00:39:12] And if you put positivity out there, the more positivity you put out there, the more people will start to follow.

[00:39:18] And I just, I challenge everybody to do that.

[00:39:21] Thanks makes me think of that baseball player.

[00:39:23] You may know this.

[00:39:25] It was just sent to me and I saw it.

[00:39:26] It was the energy of the crowd.

[00:39:30] He had done something and then he got a bunch of booze.

[00:39:33] And then the next thing, you know, that his next several games, because they're starting to boo him, are slumping.

[00:39:40] And then something went viral that some people were saying, you know what, let's lift them back up.

[00:39:46] We know he's a great player.

[00:39:47] This is just a part of the season.

[00:39:50] It's a fluke.

[00:39:50] And then they, they started just cheering him on for, for the smallest things.

[00:39:55] Next thing you know, he's hitting home runs again.

[00:39:57] Yeah.

[00:39:58] So it's the energy shift.

[00:39:59] Oh, yes.

[00:40:01] Well, we're firm believers in energy.

[00:40:04] And the thing about it is positive.

[00:40:07] Begets positive.

[00:40:09] Begets positive.

[00:40:10] And it's like, you know, the world is so negative and you know, it's really a small handful of people.

[00:40:17] But did you so laugh?

[00:40:18] I think, and this is, this is what I see with kids.

[00:40:23] You have a small extreme that no matter what they're going to make the right choice.

[00:40:29] No matter what.

[00:40:30] And you have a small extreme that no matter what they're going to make the wrong choice.

[00:40:35] They're going to make a poor choice no matter what.

[00:40:37] Most of the kids are in the middle.

[00:40:39] Yeah.

[00:40:40] And it depends on the consequences that they see.

[00:40:44] Yes.

[00:40:44] Which way they're going to move.

[00:40:47] And because those that are, that are doing the negative things usually get the most attention.

[00:40:54] Yeah.

[00:40:55] You start to see the kids kind of follow that.

[00:40:58] And they never get to the point where they're doing just as bad or making just as poor choices,

[00:41:06] but they get close enough so that it still makes the whole atmosphere negative.

[00:41:12] And so, unfortunately, that's what we see with adults.

[00:41:16] We'll see all it takes is one person that's bold enough to say something negative.

[00:41:21] And then you have all the other people that are flooding in to put their part in.

[00:41:25] We're, we're, we're in this, uh, podcast group.

[00:41:30] It's a marriage podcast group.

[00:41:31] And it's not a podcast group.

[00:41:33] It's just a married group.

[00:41:35] Married group.

[00:41:36] Yeah.

[00:41:37] To post.

[00:41:37] And, you know, people will post questions and it's kind of crazy stuff.

[00:41:41] So it was a young lady basically posted.

[00:41:44] She talked about her husband and how they were just, she loved being around.

[00:41:48] They love being around each other.

[00:41:50] Um, he works for a job.

[00:41:53] The job took, uh, a bunch of employees on vacation to Mexico.

[00:41:58] With their spouses.

[00:41:59] With their spouses.

[00:42:00] With their spouses.

[00:42:01] About their spouses to come.

[00:42:02] And they had some work and then they had, you know, after work activities.

[00:42:05] And, uh, you know, for the most part, they wanted to be around each other.

[00:42:09] They just loved being around each other.

[00:42:11] And there were like groups that were like, uh, you know, the husbands were over here and the wives were over here.

[00:42:17] And, you know, the wives basically called her.

[00:42:20] What did they call her?

[00:42:21] They said that she was needy and clingy.

[00:42:24] Needy and clingy.

[00:42:25] And so, you know.

[00:42:27] I guess I'm needy and clingy.

[00:42:29] Right.

[00:42:30] Exactly.

[00:42:30] And that's the thing.

[00:42:31] I'm like, it's so big.

[00:42:33] A couple love each other.

[00:42:35] You can't clingy with anyone.

[00:42:36] It's all to be.

[00:42:37] I was like, that's what you're supposed to do.

[00:42:38] I love each other all the time.

[00:42:39] That's negative.

[00:42:40] And people, some of the people were like, you know.

[00:42:42] They were.

[00:42:43] Well, I, I, I need my break every now and then.

[00:42:46] Right.

[00:42:47] Um.

[00:42:48] Like, my goodness.

[00:42:49] Like, break from what?

[00:42:51] Like, break from what?

[00:42:52] Like, they sit and we will watch TV or the TV will sometimes watch us.

[00:42:58] Yeah.

[00:42:58] And I'm doing this thing and I'm doing my thing.

[00:43:01] But we're in the same room.

[00:43:02] Like, what do we need a break from?

[00:43:04] So that's, that's our thing is just, um, when we started this was we wanted something

[00:43:11] positive when it came to relationships to go out there in the atmosphere because there's

[00:43:16] so much negativity.

[00:43:18] There is.

[00:43:19] And he and I, we're, we're best friends.

[00:43:22] We're friends.

[00:43:23] That's great.

[00:43:24] And so of course we enjoy spending time together too.

[00:43:28] You know?

[00:43:29] Yeah.

[00:43:29] I see it in both of you for sure.

[00:43:31] Yeah.

[00:43:31] Sometimes I've act, I actually wonder, um, is, is she going to get tired of me at some

[00:43:36] point?

[00:43:36] I have, it's crossed my, my mind.

[00:43:38] Um, but we just, we keep just jiving.

[00:43:41] Thank goodness.

[00:43:42] And that's, I say things to him like that all the time.

[00:43:45] I asked him earlier, just out of the blue, we were in the car and I said, I love you.

[00:43:49] And he said, I love you too.

[00:43:50] I said, do you get tired of hearing that?

[00:43:52] He said, I get tired of you asking me if I get tired of her asking me, maybe does this

[00:44:00] look good?

[00:44:00] I'm like, I'll throw some dirt on it and it'll tame it down a little bit.

[00:44:05] Yeah.

[00:44:05] Yeah.

[00:44:06] Just making sure.

[00:44:08] I'm just checking in, but that's, you know, that's what we want to put out there.

[00:44:13] So like you said, this, this healthy mindset, you want to share with others, how you can

[00:44:18] move past the tragedy and, and heal and use that hurt.

[00:44:22] And so for us, it's like, no, all marriages are not miserable.

[00:44:26] Um, all marriages, all marriages aren't just, you know, people going along to get along.

[00:44:34] Like there are thriving, happy relationships.

[00:44:37] And so that's what we want to, to, you know, bring about and not only with couples like

[00:44:43] yourself, but also we had individuals come in to help us be better individuals.

[00:44:49] I need to be the best version of me so that I can be the best partner for him.

[00:44:54] Yeah.

[00:44:56] We were the same way.

[00:44:58] I mean, we had mentorship for three years of our, our marriage and we had people that

[00:45:03] poured into us both separately and together.

[00:45:07] And, you know, we had to put pour onto ourselves before we could pour into each other.

[00:45:11] Like the first six months we were together, we almost got a divorce because we didn't

[00:45:14] know how to communicate.

[00:45:15] But if it wasn't for those people that were in our lives that like said, okay, who's ever

[00:45:20] got this ball is the only one can talk, you know, that we wouldn't have figured out how

[00:45:24] to, you know, listen to one another.

[00:45:26] Right.

[00:45:27] And, um, you know, so we've, we've had our, I tell people this all the time.

[00:45:31] Cause people always say to us, like, they, they say to me, I want what you have.

[00:45:36] You know, I wish my husband would treat me like your husband.

[00:45:39] Can you have your husband teach my husband?

[00:45:40] Like, look, it's work.

[00:45:42] Like it's, we didn't just come, like all of a sudden came together and knew how to work

[00:45:46] with each other.

[00:45:46] We had to learn how to work with one another.

[00:45:49] We had to learn how to, you know, respect one another and love each other and our companions

[00:45:54] that we are desired to be loved.

[00:45:56] Like, it's not something that just came natural because if it tried to come natural, we wouldn't

[00:46:01] still be together.

[00:46:03] And you have to have two people willing to put them.

[00:46:07] Yeah.

[00:46:09] And so that's what, how we came about with the podcast.

[00:46:14] I, um, you know, something just clicked in my head to me.

[00:46:17] Just then, as you were talking, people want you to teach them.

[00:46:22] I can teach you strategy.

[00:46:24] I can give you tools, but I can't teach you like, like your mate.

[00:46:30] That's another big part of it.

[00:46:32] Right.

[00:46:32] I want to spend that time and want to put that time in.

[00:46:36] Now, if you don't like him, I can help you.

[00:46:40] That's another big part.

[00:46:42] Like I said, I need my space.

[00:46:45] I need my space.

[00:46:45] What are you doing in your space?

[00:46:47] Like, what, what do you mean?

[00:46:48] I don't understand that because I can sit in a room with him and he's not like in place

[00:46:54] the whole time.

[00:46:55] So I don't know.

[00:46:57] It's just, we've, we have a negative shift that has come about.

[00:47:02] And hopefully I think that social media and just access brought about a lot of it.

[00:47:09] So I'm hoping that with people like you and people like us, we can shift it back the other

[00:47:14] way.

[00:47:15] The red and blue parties are separating a lot of people too.

[00:47:19] And they're, they're bringing that energy from whatever's going on.

[00:47:23] It's it's it's they're bringing that energy somewhere else as long as long.

[00:47:28] But I had to be willing to read as well.

[00:47:30] Reading proper books really, really helped me.

[00:47:35] It's still principles into me so that I can learn how to communicate and appreciate.

[00:47:39] Yeah.

[00:47:40] Yeah.

[00:47:41] Like that's the, the effort, like you have to recognize that and be willing to put forth

[00:47:46] the effort.

[00:47:47] And so unfortunately we don't have a lot of that.

[00:47:50] We have.

[00:47:51] I look at it this way.

[00:47:53] Like we came together later in life.

[00:47:55] So we weren't teenagers or in our twenties when we came together, we came together when

[00:47:59] I was in my late thirties and he was in his forties already.

[00:48:05] So we know, you know, because of the factor of life, we only have so many years together.

[00:48:10] Right.

[00:48:11] And so we want to make sure that we spend those years, the quality time, but also like something

[00:48:16] that he said to me, well, we'll go back to my time that I slipped last night.

[00:48:21] So it has to do with our marriage.

[00:48:24] Do you mind to put a share?

[00:48:24] Oh, please.

[00:48:25] Okay.

[00:48:25] So, um, this is, this is classic example of proper communication today.

[00:48:31] And I'll tell you how it would have went if we hadn't learned how to, to communicate.

[00:48:37] So last night we were having a conversation and I forget the reason why we were having

[00:48:42] a conversation, but we were having a conversation about, um, about our relationship and how we

[00:48:47] were thankful that we have one another and that, um, you know, that, that we can always

[00:48:52] trust one another and that our love is so strong and things like that.

[00:48:57] And, and we, for some reason, I forget the reason, but because you'll see why I forget

[00:49:03] the reason, because the only thing I heard was that one thing that was said, I didn't hear

[00:49:07] anything else because of the fact that that one thing, but the thing that was said to me

[00:49:11] was, you know, I am a man and men do have flesh.

[00:49:15] And you know, if I see a pretty girl, I'm going to recognize that there's a pretty girl,

[00:49:20] you know, a pretty woman, um, somebody who's pretty.

[00:49:23] And first thing I heard was, Oh, he's looking at pretty women.

[00:49:27] Why is he looking at pretty women?

[00:49:28] Like what?

[00:49:29] But I didn't say anything to him at first.

[00:49:32] I'm just, I was just kind of dazed and confused a little bit.

[00:49:34] And I'm like, wasn't expecting that to ever come out of his mouth.

[00:49:37] So I went back to what I was doing.

[00:49:39] I didn't say anything the whole night.

[00:49:41] And then later on in the evening, I was like, because he was playing pool and he was winning

[00:49:47] a tournament.

[00:49:48] He actually won.

[00:49:48] And I didn't want to say something to him while he was playing because it would have

[00:49:54] derailed his, his pool game.

[00:49:56] Because anytime of any, anytime I feel uneasy, it affects him.

[00:50:01] And I knew this.

[00:50:02] So I did not say to him now in the past, I would have said something immediately.

[00:50:07] I did not say anything to this time because I respected him enough and know how he reacts

[00:50:12] to certain questions that I ask, whether my questions are relevant or not.

[00:50:17] And so I didn't say anything to let him continue.

[00:50:20] And you should thank me.

[00:50:21] I have thanked you.

[00:50:23] She provoked me to say what I said in some manner.

[00:50:26] And I'm, I just kind of blah sometimes.

[00:50:28] I really like, she'll kick me under the table to make sure I don't go too far when

[00:50:32] I'm speaking about the red and blue while ago, she bumped me.

[00:50:37] I will speak my mind and my heart and search for the proper words because I want to keep

[00:50:42] it as real as possible.

[00:50:44] Right.

[00:50:44] Right.

[00:50:45] I get bumped all the time to go here.

[00:50:48] See, it's a thing.

[00:50:50] So I was like, so I was, I waited till he got done playing pool.

[00:50:55] And then he came and he said he won.

[00:50:57] I'm like, oh, great.

[00:50:58] That's a few minutes later.

[00:51:01] He goes off and takes off talks to his buddies and stuff and saying goodbye to everybody.

[00:51:05] I go back to what I was doing.

[00:51:06] And then he goes back over.

[00:51:07] I said, by the way, we were talking earlier, you know, you would said that, you know, you,

[00:51:15] that you're, you know, you're a guy and you, you recognize that there are other friends.

[00:51:19] Like by any chance, there would never be a chance that you would ever like act on that.

[00:51:24] Right.

[00:51:24] And so he's like, what?

[00:51:27] Why would you think that?

[00:51:30] I said, he's like, I was even being really careful with my words.

[00:51:37] And I'm like, I know, but well, maybe I'm just being crazy.

[00:51:42] So we, I dropped it.

[00:51:43] We went to bed.

[00:51:44] I wake up this morning.

[00:51:45] It carried over into the morning.

[00:51:47] I'm like, you know, we really need to talk about this.

[00:51:51] Cause I really need to get it out because if I harbor this in, it's just going to fester.

[00:51:55] I'm like, so can you just like, give me your undivided attention and just let me like vomit on you.

[00:51:59] Just kind of get it out.

[00:52:01] So he did.

[00:52:03] He sat down on the couch with me and just let me vomit.

[00:52:06] And I was like, you know, this and this could happen.

[00:52:09] And I'm getting ready to go on this trip for two weeks and you're not going to be with me.

[00:52:12] And what if you go out with your friends?

[00:52:14] Which I'm okay.

[00:52:14] I'm not telling you, you can't go out with your friends, but what if you get too drunk and blah, blah.

[00:52:18] I mean like all this stuff cars.

[00:52:21] And I'm like, I'm sorry.

[00:52:26] I can see how crazy I'm sounding right now.

[00:52:29] Now, let me tell you something that took a lot of work and learning how to communicate because he sat and listened instead of cutting me off and going, you done crazy ass bitch.

[00:52:39] Excuse my language.

[00:52:41] Right.

[00:52:44] Deal with this.

[00:52:46] And then I'll come back.

[00:52:48] And that's the thing.

[00:52:49] Like when you, when you are with someone that you love, but you like, and you want it to work, you're willing to do that.

[00:52:55] And he knows now, of course, like we've been together longer.

[00:53:01] So those types of things don't happen as often, but I'll be the first one to tell you when we, was it before we started the podcast that you had your first session with me?

[00:53:11] Yeah.

[00:53:12] So I, I'm in therapy and I have been consistently for the past couple of years, but right before, I think it was after.

[00:53:21] I think we, maybe about six months in, things like that.

[00:53:27] Like, what does this mean?

[00:53:29] Why are you liking this picture?

[00:53:31] What is like all these things start coming back because I'm like, we're on a podcast about marriage.

[00:53:38] And if you do that, and then, or what if somebody says something, what are you doing?

[00:53:43] You know what I'm saying?

[00:53:44] So that type of thing.

[00:53:46] So I'm just finally like, look, we need it.

[00:53:48] We need to have a session with Dr.

[00:53:50] Ray together.

[00:53:51] Well, what's so crazy is I looked at him this morning after I got vomited all over him.

[00:53:56] I said, that's really weird because I haven't acted like that or been sick insecure or mistrust you or anything in which I don't mistrust you.

[00:54:04] I said, but I've never envisioned or said anything like that in like three years.

[00:54:09] I'm like, so I don't understand like where that just came from.

[00:54:13] Like, that is really weird.

[00:54:14] And I said, I'm really sorry.

[00:54:16] Like, I really, truly trust you.

[00:54:18] And if you want to go out with your friends, that's fine with me.

[00:54:21] I know that you'll probably call me probably had too many, but it's okay.

[00:54:26] Just as long as you get home safe.

[00:54:27] Right.

[00:54:28] I know that you're not going to do it in heat, but here's what the beautiful thing about it is.

[00:54:32] Remember, I told you how we would react if we hadn't gotten our conversations under control before I would have come to him with something so stupid like that.

[00:54:43] And he would have looked at me and go, he would have said something derogative or mean to me.

[00:54:49] And just because he's trying to block me from making him feel like poop.

[00:54:55] And I'm trying to control my language.

[00:54:58] You say ask me all the time.

[00:55:00] Come on, come on.

[00:55:01] Welcome to cussing.

[00:55:02] Come on.

[00:55:04] I say it all the time.

[00:55:05] Come on.

[00:55:07] So like he would like to block him from feeling like poop.

[00:55:12] He would say something stupid back to me.

[00:55:15] And then that would just cause like a crazy cycle of an argument that would last for days and days and like tear our communication apart.

[00:55:25] So that's how I knew at the moment that that happened and it hadn't happened in three years, that the way that we handled it.

[00:55:32] I'm like, dang, we've grown.

[00:55:34] Yeah, right.

[00:55:35] Dang.

[00:55:35] We really love each other.

[00:55:37] It's for you to see that.

[00:55:40] Yes.

[00:55:40] Yes.

[00:55:41] It's true.

[00:55:42] It's probably because I am getting ready to go on a trip overseas to the UK for two weeks and he's not going with me.

[00:55:49] And it's the first time that I'm going to be away from him because we are that couple that don't ever do anything without each other.

[00:55:54] Right.

[00:55:56] I think I was just feeling insecure about that.

[00:55:58] You know, it's like we're 26 years in.

[00:56:03] I'm a guy.

[00:56:04] I do say stupid shit sometimes.

[00:56:08] Absolutely.

[00:56:09] And, you know, and then sometimes I need that reminder.

[00:56:13] You know what I'm saying?

[00:56:13] It's like, you know, and she'll remind me, she'll be like, hey, that wasn't appropriate what you posted.

[00:56:18] You know, that wasn't appropriate what you said, you know.

[00:56:21] And it's not, and oftentimes it's not, it's not about how I, it's about how it looks.

[00:56:28] Right.

[00:56:28] How other people perceive things.

[00:56:30] Yeah, how other people perceive things.

[00:56:30] And that's what he doesn't understand.

[00:56:33] And, and especially, like I said, now the platform that we have.

[00:56:37] Yeah.

[00:56:37] Like you can't, you can't do that.

[00:56:39] But, and, and this is the thing.

[00:56:42] And it sounds like an excuse, but it's not.

[00:56:46] It's him.

[00:56:47] And this was several years back.

[00:56:49] There was a picture that he had said like something under the, and the person asked which picture.

[00:56:58] There was like three of them.

[00:56:59] Yeah.

[00:56:59] And he said something.

[00:57:01] And someone, someone created a fake profile.

[00:57:05] Yeah.

[00:57:05] What?

[00:57:06] Screenshot.

[00:57:07] And messaged it to me.

[00:57:09] Better yet.

[00:57:10] What?

[00:57:11] Oh my goodness.

[00:57:11] And said, you need to check and see what your husband's doing.

[00:57:14] It may not bother you, but I would be bothered by it.

[00:57:18] Yeah.

[00:57:18] And that's so, things like that.

[00:57:20] Yeah.

[00:57:20] Fast forward now, where we have this platform that we're building about marriage.

[00:57:25] Yeah.

[00:57:26] Like you can't do something like, you can't give anyone that type of material.

[00:57:31] Yeah.

[00:57:31] Yeah.

[00:57:32] The last thing we want is any of that to contribute to our growth.

[00:57:37] See, ain't all what it could be.

[00:57:37] Or to stunt our growth.

[00:57:40] So, right.

[00:57:41] Yeah.

[00:57:41] You would have to.

[00:57:41] I didn't catch what he said.

[00:57:43] I see.

[00:57:44] I can hear them now.

[00:57:45] They're sitting in the background talking about, see, see, they're not all they could be

[00:57:48] looking at.

[00:57:49] And so, and we've had comments made about that even before.

[00:57:55] Or, you know.

[00:57:56] Yes.

[00:57:57] So I take that into account too, my social well-being or how I react and act in certain

[00:58:06] ways and what can cause a diminishing effect on what she's trying to do.

[00:58:11] Oh, he used to be really bad though.

[00:58:13] Yeah.

[00:58:13] And what we do together.

[00:58:14] But that's one reason why I keep my social media completely separate.

[00:58:19] Like, the one note will even know, be able to recognize that we are a couple on there.

[00:58:24] Cause I, I get pretty, I get pretty passionate about some things and it has to do with the

[00:58:30] direction of where we're all headed.

[00:58:32] Everybody's focused on like one of the reasons why I don't watch sports because I would rather

[00:58:37] Pat her on the ass or her pat me on the ass because I'm on, I'm in the game.

[00:58:40] You know, I'm in the game, you know.

[00:58:43] Yeah.

[00:58:43] Um, and I'm, I'm real big on posterity, leaving something for those behind us with the energy

[00:58:49] that I've done.

[00:58:50] Right.

[00:58:51] Into this life.

[00:58:53] And I see people just doing the same thing over and over and over with, with, um, who

[00:58:57] they want to be their ruler or whatever, you know, and I just, I can't subscribe to

[00:59:01] that.

[00:59:01] So I have a great opinion about it and it's shared on my Facebook and that my Facebook

[00:59:06] is pretty new.

[00:59:07] But we separate.

[00:59:09] He separates it because I'm not that type of person.

[00:59:11] Like he's very opinionated and I'm not opinionated.

[00:59:14] And so like, sometimes some things that he can say, people can take offense to the things

[00:59:18] that he says or get it.

[00:59:20] Um, they'll, they don't understand him.

[00:59:23] And I understand him cause I know his heart.

[00:59:25] I know his passion and I know what he's trying to achieve.

[00:59:29] But sometimes that heart, passion and achievement that he has doesn't come across.

[00:59:34] Right.

[00:59:35] In a positive manner and ways that people would take it.

[00:59:39] People would take it like take, you know, people would just, they just would take offense

[00:59:43] to it.

[00:59:43] And without potentially trying to identify myself, my opinions aren't baseless.

[00:59:48] I have resources that I share with my opinions too.

[00:59:51] Yeah.

[00:59:52] I mean, I'll tell you what, I was the same way.

[00:59:55] And I kind of stepped back.

[00:59:57] And the reason why I did that, because I noticed like, I would find myself three o'clock

[01:00:02] in the morning, waking up one night thinking about a post that somebody posted, you know

[01:00:07] what I'm saying?

[01:00:08] Like, and I'm like, you know, here's this person.

[01:00:12] Cause the thing is, it's like, you can talk to a person to the blue in the face.

[01:00:16] If they believe what they believe, regardless of how many facts you have, regardless of how

[01:00:21] much proof you have, you can give them the book.

[01:00:24] You can give them the person that wrote the book that says, I lied.

[01:00:28] And they're still going to be like, well, I don't believe you lied.

[01:00:31] You know what I'm saying?

[01:00:33] You know, it's just going to be some people just like the Bible says there are going to

[01:00:37] be some people that are just going to hell.

[01:00:39] And that's just the reality of it.

[01:00:41] You know what I'm saying?

[01:00:42] You want to say, everybody, you want to make sure people prosper.

[01:00:45] You want people to be happy.

[01:00:46] Like with marriage, I want people to have love.

[01:00:49] I really want people to enjoy their life.

[01:00:52] But it's just some people that are going to get in their head and they're not going to

[01:00:56] allow themselves to experience life that we live.

[01:01:00] You know what I'm saying?

[01:01:01] Right.

[01:01:01] Because they're going to be in their way.

[01:01:03] And then you just have to throw your hands at them.

[01:01:06] Our energy has been hijacked, you know, through social media and the radio.

[01:01:10] So our energy is being used against us, even with certain words that come out over the

[01:01:15] radio airways and stuff.

[01:01:17] And then people start regurgitating those exact same words.

[01:01:19] So our energy is being used really against us.

[01:01:22] Well, there's a lot of fear mongling going on too.

[01:01:24] Like putting people into fear when it's not necessary.

[01:01:27] That's how the masses have controlled.

[01:01:31] Right.

[01:01:32] Right.

[01:01:32] So it's like, you know, you hear all the bad stories on the news.

[01:01:36] And it's like, well, every now and then, towards the end, if you stay with the news long enough,

[01:01:40] you're going to get this good feeling story.

[01:01:43] Where this young guy saved the woman, you know what I'm saying?

[01:01:48] By calling her or something.

[01:01:50] That one good story, but everything else is just trash, trash, trash.

[01:01:54] You know, it's so funny you say that.

[01:01:56] Cause I remember when I was a little girl, I was sitting on the floor in the living room.

[01:02:00] And my grandfather was in his chair behind me and he would always watch the news every

[01:02:03] night.

[01:02:04] And I remember sitting there and I'm listening to the news of my grandfather.

[01:02:07] And it was just like murder this and this negative thing and that negative thing.

[01:02:11] And I'm like, I turned and I looked at my grandpa and I said, grandpa, why don't they ever make a

[01:02:17] news about all the positive things like helping a grandmother across the street or helping a

[01:02:22] neighbor with this or doing something for the community?

[01:02:24] Why don't they ever talk about that stuff?

[01:02:26] My grandfather looked me dead in the face and he said, honey, that's because nobody will

[01:02:30] watch it.

[01:02:31] Nope.

[01:02:31] Not at all.

[01:02:32] Not at all.

[01:02:34] Wow.

[01:02:35] Like I will never forget that.

[01:02:37] Mm hmm.

[01:02:38] Never forget that.

[01:02:39] It's amazing because that same marriage podcast I was talking about.

[01:02:43] Right.

[01:02:43] The group on Facebook, somebody post something, you know, they'll be like, this feel good.

[01:02:51] Let's have a change for this time.

[01:02:53] Let's post your happy pics on vacation.

[01:02:57] And you might get 20 replies, but if it's some trash where a person is talking about leaving

[01:03:03] their spouse because of some infidelity, it'll be like 900.

[01:03:08] That's right.

[01:03:09] Yeah.

[01:03:10] And the thing because people will say, I want to hear something good or I want to

[01:03:16] cause I don't like all this negative.

[01:03:18] But the minute they're exposed to something negative, they're going to gravitate towards

[01:03:22] it.

[01:03:23] So you're saying one thing, but your actions are showing something else.

[01:03:28] So I made a post on that page and it was like, you know, what is, what is a song that you

[01:03:34] think of when you think about your mate, you know, and put the song in the comment and people

[01:03:38] put some, and I might've gotten nine, maybe 10 comments, but the next post of somebody

[01:03:44] talking about, well, my husband has been cheating on me for three years with such and such.

[01:03:48] Should I leave him?

[01:03:49] I mean, it's like, oh my goodness.

[01:03:55] Right.

[01:03:56] They want the dirt.

[01:03:57] They want smut.

[01:03:57] That's all they want.

[01:03:59] Yeah.

[01:03:59] Oh, I can't remember.

[01:04:01] I can't recollect the name of the songs that well.

[01:04:03] No.

[01:04:04] Heaven.

[01:04:05] Like, uh, came, came around heaven.

[01:04:08] Came Brown.

[01:04:10] Yes.

[01:04:10] I heard the first one that came to mind.

[01:04:12] I don't know if y'all heard that.

[01:04:13] Came Brown.

[01:04:16] Yeah.

[01:04:17] God gave me you.

[01:04:19] Blake Shelton.

[01:04:19] Yeah.

[01:04:21] Oh, that's beautiful.

[01:04:23] Yeah.

[01:04:23] So Tanisha, if our listeners want to check out your podcast, how can they find you?

[01:04:30] Very simple.

[01:04:31] Just go to my website, healthy mindset, miracles.com.

[01:04:34] It has my podcast, my book classes, everything is in there.

[01:04:39] Access to my social media, the whole nine yards.

[01:04:42] And you mentioned your book quickly.

[01:04:44] Tell us about your book.

[01:04:47] Yes.

[01:04:47] So my book is a series and the first one is out to now it's called path of choices.

[01:04:53] Everything in life is a choice.

[01:04:55] And it's about from the time that I was born till I was 15, but it's written in a third

[01:04:59] party view.

[01:05:00] So I wrote it as a girl that sits down and is writing about her life.

[01:05:04] And then while she, when she gets up from her desk and writing to take a break, she goes

[01:05:08] to her husband and she interacts with her husband and her family.

[01:05:11] And it's actually about my true story and you know, my true life with my husband.

[01:05:16] And it's not a person, but it's just written in a, in a compelling story way to where people

[01:05:21] can relate to it.

[01:05:22] And there's some positive mindset in there because my younger years in life.

[01:05:28] Um, so a lot of the things that we go through in life and a lot of the reasons why we react

[01:05:33] is from past traumas.

[01:05:35] And unless we learn how to overcome some of those past traumas, we'll never be able to

[01:05:42] properly heal.

[01:05:43] And so I write about those past traumas, the things that had happened to me.

[01:05:47] And one of the things that had happened to me, nobody knew about except for him.

[01:05:52] And he didn't even know the whole story until he read the book.

[01:05:55] Um, but he knew a little bit of what had happened from the time I was six to eight years old.

[01:06:01] My family did not know.

[01:06:02] My mom didn't know.

[01:06:03] My dad didn't know.

[01:06:04] And I was really nervous about writing it because I had never spoke to anybody about

[01:06:11] this situation in my life.

[01:06:13] But the reason why I wrote it is because I hear a lot of things about people wanting

[01:06:20] to live in the victim status.

[01:06:22] And they claim that they're a victim.

[01:06:25] They claim that they can never trust men again.

[01:06:27] They claim that, you know, because this happened to them is the reason why they X, Y, and Z.

[01:06:33] Well, I'm not a victim.

[01:06:35] I will never live in that victim status.

[01:06:38] I am victorious over the things that did happen to me.

[01:06:41] Yes, these things that happened to me were very unfortunate and should never, ever, ever

[01:06:46] happen to such a young girl.

[01:06:50] However, my mindset is not victim.

[01:06:53] My mindset is, and, and this is my beliefs.

[01:06:57] It doesn't have to be anybody else's, but our Messiah was on the cross and he had said,

[01:07:03] Father, please forgive them for they do not know what they do.

[01:07:07] And that's my mindset.

[01:07:08] If our father was asked to forgive people for doing something so much as killing their son,

[01:07:14] his son, you know, that he brought here.

[01:07:17] Well, then who am I to not forgive those who've hurt me?

[01:07:20] And I'm not forgiving them for them.

[01:07:23] I'm forgiving them for me because I need to release myself from that negativity and that energy.

[01:07:31] And so that I can move forward with the positive in my life and let go of that past.

[01:07:36] That is not who I am.

[01:07:37] It doesn't define who I am.

[01:07:39] And so I explained this in the book and it was nice and awesome to get all that out.

[01:07:44] I got more coming.

[01:07:45] I have book two, three and four.

[01:07:47] And I was part of the trip going to the UK is to start writing part two, which is going to be my teenage years until my, my twenties, which is a whole nother drama.

[01:08:00] But I really feel like all the things that I've gone through in life were lessons that I had to learn and a mindset that I had to adopt.

[01:08:13] Yes.

[01:08:14] So that I can take those pains and turn them into positivity change, not for me, but for those that read and those that listen.

[01:08:24] And I'm proud of the work that I've done because I feel like it's my purpose and my calling now.

[01:08:30] Oh, yes.

[01:08:31] That's powerful.

[01:08:32] Very good.

[01:08:33] I enjoyed reading it.

[01:08:34] And I was the first one to leave a review on Amazon.

[01:08:39] Very good.

[01:08:40] Yeah.

[01:08:41] While she was talking, the pride that you have on your face, looking at her.

[01:08:46] Yeah.

[01:08:47] I'm really, really excited that she did that.

[01:08:50] And she says that she, that I was her biggest cheerleader and I may have been, but I just see so much in her even, even right now.

[01:08:58] She hasn't even, she's just now picking her head above part of the capacity that she's got, honestly, for real.

[01:09:06] Well, we want to thank you again for joining us.

[01:09:09] Um, we have enjoyed talking with the two of you.

[01:09:13] Yes.

[01:09:13] We enjoyed it before.

[01:09:14] Um, we enjoyed it this time.

[01:09:16] Um, we look forward to hearing more.

[01:09:20] And of course we are going to be recording with you, Tanisha.

[01:09:23] Yep.

[01:09:24] Yes.

[01:09:25] So we're excited about that.

[01:09:26] We'll have some future, uh, conversations in the future.

[01:09:30] Yes.

[01:09:31] Dinner.

[01:09:32] We're going to have to have dinner together.

[01:09:33] Awesome.

[01:09:34] Yeah.

[01:09:34] That would be awesome.

[01:09:35] Bring you back for, uh, around the time the book come.

[01:09:39] Right.

[01:09:39] Hey, since y'all travel, maybe we might be a set of somewhere, meet somewhere in the middle of something like that.

[01:09:45] Yeah.

[01:09:46] That would be awesome.

[01:09:48] We would love that.

[01:09:49] I would absolutely love that.

[01:09:51] We, um, I enjoyed seeing the way that you two work together as well on the podcast and such, and it does convey itself.

[01:09:58] So I know that this isn't a joke that this is the real deal here.

[01:10:01] Thank you for having us.

[01:10:02] Thank you.

[01:10:02] We appreciate that.

[01:10:04] We appreciate that.

[01:10:05] Thank you for your time.

[01:10:06] It's okay.

[01:10:07] He's you're going to keep them, right?

[01:10:11] For a little while.

[01:10:13] Yeah.

[01:10:13] And keep mine too.

[01:10:29] Thanks for joining us on this episode of the beyond I do podcast.

[01:10:34] Please make sure to like this episode and also subscribe to our podcast.

[01:10:39] You can also find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at the beyond I do podcast.

[01:10:46] And until next time we will holler at y'all.