Mastering Procrastination with Jami Gibson

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[00:02:01] Thanks again for joining us for a new episode of Beyond Our Due Podcast.

[00:02:06] We have a special guest with us today by the name of Jamie Gibson.

[00:02:13] Jamie calls to us as a procrastination and productivity coach.

[00:02:18] And the first question I asked is, Jamie, we're having you being all mother-in-law.

[00:02:22] This is my...

[00:02:24] Beering out my own procrastination productivity.

[00:02:29] Well, well, well, well, well, thank you for joining us and if you would.

[00:02:34] Tell us a little bit about yourself and what it is that you do to help those of us who struggle with your procrastination and productivity.

[00:02:44] Yeah, well, thank you for having me.

[00:02:47] Where I come from, I had a decade's long and corporate America.

[00:02:53] But I'm now a procrastination productivity coach who you said,

[00:02:58] I got into it.

[00:02:59] I always wanted to be a life coach since like 1999.

[00:03:03] When I started watching a show starting over,

[00:03:07] that was on TV that was showing life coaches for the first time.

[00:03:10] And I really got into it.

[00:03:12] And then I got lucky enough to be able to be trained by one of those two women.

[00:03:18] Gosh, maybe six, seven years ago.

[00:03:21] And you know, it was great.

[00:03:23] It was really, really great.

[00:03:24] But then I was trying to figure out, I was coaching people but I was trying to figure out, okay,

[00:03:29] what am I seeing that is going on?

[00:03:33] And it came to most of my clients that were coming to me,

[00:03:36] we're dealing with procrastination in some form or other.

[00:03:40] And I always really wanted to get people,

[00:03:43] especially when they get to the age I am, which is in my 60s.

[00:03:47] But I wanted to do like the new version of the Golden Girls, you know,

[00:03:51] where it's like, you still have a lot of time left.

[00:03:53] Let's go do something you don't have to stop.

[00:03:57] And so that's where the procrastination kind of showed itself a lot more to me

[00:04:01] because these people were saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, but then they weren't doing anything, right?

[00:04:06] So I started looking at this some more and looking at it in my life.

[00:04:10] And I struggle with procrastination, I still do, you know?

[00:04:14] But I recognize it now and I catch myself faster now and move myself along.

[00:04:20] But I had gotten to the point so bad with it that it caused me to clear two bankruptcies in my life.

[00:04:28] Because I was always the one that's there for everybody else.

[00:04:30] I'm doing stuff for you. I'm going to be very proactive for you, but when it came to my stuff.

[00:04:35] Yeah, not so much, you know? It's like, oh, deal with that. I'll deal with that and then all the sudden I'm in a batch spot.

[00:04:41] So I started really looking at that with myself.

[00:04:44] And it comes down to the direction I come with procrastination is not so, I mean, I do productivity, yes.

[00:04:52] And that's great too. But what's really at the root of procrastination are all of these feelings.

[00:04:57] There's the fear, fear of failure, fear of success. You know, all kinds of things. So once you kind of figure out the root of why you tend to procrastinate the most,

[00:05:09] then we can work on that and come up with tools that work for you that may not work for me, but they work for you, right?

[00:05:15] I found my own thing was my issue. So to speak was just self-worth, you know, not feeling more of the of doing things for myself,

[00:05:25] having to prove to other people instead. So once that kind of came up for me, I was like, it was like a light bulb moment that just made everything feel

[00:05:35] a little easier to work through with the procrastination. So when I catch myself now, it's kind of like, okay girl, what's going on right now that you don't feel like you deserve something, you know?

[00:05:46] And that's for me, you know?

[00:05:50] And for some of us, it's easier doing things for others.

[00:05:55] That causes you to put off your own things and to get behind with your own things. So that's something specific to different types of procrastination or that's something they that you see across.

[00:06:13] It's probably a little bit, it kind of goes down to.

[00:06:20] It goes across all of them, but it's at different levels with different ones. You know what I mean?

[00:06:25] Right. So because a lot of people too will say that they don't procrastinate because they're so busy, they're so busy.

[00:06:32] Well, look at the things that you're keeping yourself busy with. They're like 175 minor things that you're doing that's keeping moving moving moving and you're avoiding that one big thing that's going to open everything up right.

[00:06:46] So it's kind of different.

[00:06:49] You know, I've got to six different types of procrastinators that I work with.

[00:06:53] But I'll be honest with you, we have probably everybody has a piece of all six of them.

[00:06:57] But there's one that each person gravitates to the most or at least the most in certain areas.

[00:07:04] And once we can identify that, then we can go into, okay, what's going on? Because the fears or issues around that tight, we can work with that and find the tools for you that work for that type because to tell somebody to do, you know,

[00:07:21] a schedule will be great for somebody who's perfectionist, but if you're a passive person, I'll get to it or if you're a rebel, should you're not going to do it.

[00:07:31] So we have to kind of look at that.

[00:07:34] I think what happens a lot of times with procrastination the way that it's presented to society is that you're lazy.

[00:07:42] You know, you just don't have any get up and go no motivation.

[00:07:47] But the problem is is because there's all these different apps and tools and stuff out there for productivity which work, it's kind of like a diet, you know,

[00:07:56] maybe keto works for this person but not for somebody else.

[00:08:00] So that's kind of the thing productivity works great.

[00:08:03] We just have to find the ones that work for your style that's different from someone else's style.

[00:08:07] So that you don't feel like a failure because like with the diet when you don't lose weight, because you've been on key for them.

[00:08:13] And then you're down on yourself, do you do the same thing with procrastination tools?

[00:08:19] And that I think that with the diet and you know, that's something that you can see the changes.

[00:08:26] We're with the procrastination.

[00:08:29] You don't see those things so it's harder to almost harder to justify it.

[00:08:34] It's easy to say someone is lazy versus someone struggles with productivity issues because you can see the, being lazy so to speak.

[00:08:46] Yeah, yeah, alright, so I can and that's not the way I would do it so you're lazy.

[00:08:49] I would get up at five in the morning and I would do ABCD.

[00:08:53] And I'm, you know, but works for you great.

[00:08:56] But you can't put that on everybody and say, if you don't do it

[00:09:00] you're lazy.

[00:09:02] So you mentioned something that was new to me a few years ago

[00:09:06] and I didn't understand.

[00:09:08] But you talked about fear of success.

[00:09:12] Fear failure and fear of success.

[00:09:16] Yeah.

[00:09:16] Did you talk about the difference between those two things because I think, um,

[00:09:21] I don't think a lot of people realize that there's fear in succeeding just as much as it is

[00:09:27] and failing.

[00:09:28] Yeah, definitely definitely, um,

[00:09:31] the fear of failure is just, you know,

[00:09:33] those people tend to be perfectionist,

[00:09:36] procrastinateers too because if I don't have it exactly right

[00:09:39] I don't want to fall on my face.

[00:09:40] I don't want to look like a fool in front of people.

[00:09:43] So they'll tend to not do something because they don't

[00:09:46] to fail at it.

[00:09:47] You know, they're not putting into being that, you know,

[00:09:50] you got to practice 16 times before you can do something

[00:09:52] sometimes.

[00:09:53] That does, you know, that fear comes up of making a fool of myself.

[00:09:58] The fear of success people on the other hand, um,

[00:10:02] there's a fear of being seen like if I'm successful I'm going to be seen and

[00:10:07] if I'm successful more is going to be expected of me and what if I can't do more?

[00:10:11] You know, so sometimes we go and want to play it safe instead of

[00:10:16] you know, really showing who we are at the core because we're

[00:10:19] afraid that what if I can't measure up later,

[00:10:23] did I've done this much and what if I can't make it to the next level?

[00:10:26] And I look like a failure.

[00:10:28] Right, right.

[00:10:28] I think that, um, that the fear of uh,

[00:10:33] succeeding um, traps a lot of people into there and you know,

[00:10:38] regular, um, I just, you know, you want to be an entrepreneur.

[00:10:41] It's like what I want to but yeah.

[00:10:44] Now it's going to be a crime really do this and now it's going to be a

[00:10:47] video.

[00:10:48] Do that so now people will tend to die themselves back, um,

[00:10:52] who's like that with the, um, what would you say to that individual?

[00:10:59] I would say to really first be really cautious of who you're sharing your

[00:11:03] dreams with on some of that because we have people in our lives who,

[00:11:09] you know, their naissiers but the majority of the time when they are

[00:11:12] and they're kind of putting down our, our dreams or something,

[00:11:17] they're wanting to keep us safe just like fear wants to keep us safe by keeping us over here.

[00:11:21] So your loved ones or friends are more just kind of like trying to keep you here

[00:11:25] and the other interesting thing with that is that they sometimes are afraid of

[00:11:30] you succeed you're going to leave me.

[00:11:33] So you know, so that's where that is.

[00:11:36] So I would say first kind of pay attention to who you're sharing your information with.

[00:11:40] You know, um, the second thing I would say is just do baby steps and give

[00:11:45] yourself permission to be a learner, you know, to have an open mind of learning that you don't

[00:11:51] know something and it's okay.

[00:11:53] Um, you know, when I was in corporate world, what I always told the people at

[00:11:59] work for me was if you don't know the answer to something and a meeting or conversation,

[00:12:04] say I don't know but I'll get back to you.

[00:12:06] That's going to go so much farther than if you try to be as your way through it,

[00:12:10] you know, and that's hard for some people to admit to as well.

[00:12:15] So with the entrepreneur I would say just, you know, keep going but give yourself grace at the same

[00:12:20] time.

[00:12:21] Right.

[00:12:21] Because we're so hard on ourselves because we feel like, oh my gosh, if I don't do this,

[00:12:27] I'm going to make a fool of myself and all those people who say that that was a pipe dream,

[00:12:32] they're right, you know, and then you go through this whole kind of spiral down.

[00:12:37] Right.

[00:12:38] It's like, I, um, when you talk about perfectionism, I didn't, and I did, I did one of the quizzes,

[00:12:47] and that's where I landed.

[00:12:49] I never really viewed myself as a perfectionist because there's a,

[00:12:55] there's a level of, I just don't care.

[00:12:58] Well, yeah.

[00:12:59] I'm told with mediocrity, you know, but, um, I watched a TED talk of

[00:13:06] about procrastination and the gentleman said that sometimes we try and plan and plan and plan for

[00:13:16] every single thing, and the procrastination is not executing that plan.

[00:13:20] You put so much effort into the plan.

[00:13:23] Mm-hmm.

[00:13:23] A, I can write a plan in a list like nobody's business, but when it's time to execute, that's where

[00:13:31] I get stuck.

[00:13:33] So when you are working with your clients, how do you help them move through those different

[00:13:42] phases so they get to the point of a plan?

[00:13:49] Start small, like, for instance, with what you just described here for yourself,

[00:13:54] I would say, okay, you've got all these things on your list.

[00:13:57] What's one thing you can do today?

[00:13:59] It doesn't have to be big.

[00:14:01] What's, you know, maybe it's just making a phone call.

[00:14:04] You know, what's the one thing you can do?

[00:14:06] And so I work with people to just do one step at a time.

[00:14:10] It's great to have the big picture.

[00:14:11] It's great to have the list and the, you know, the, the flow chart and everything else.

[00:14:16] But that's the map.

[00:14:17] You've got to look at it as if you're driving from, you know, California to New York.

[00:14:22] You know, where are you going to, you just take it step by step instead of saying,

[00:14:30] I've got to be over here now and what if there's a, what if there's a tornado warning and

[00:14:33] Kansas and what if there's this and my, you know what I mean?

[00:14:37] You have your contingency plans but what's one thing you can do right now.

[00:14:41] And I even do that when you know, we freak out sometimes.

[00:14:45] You know, I'm like, what is one thing that you need right now to feel good?

[00:14:49] And sometimes it's like, I need a, a lollipop.

[00:14:53] I have a light pop.

[00:14:54] You know, now what's one more thing you can do.

[00:14:56] Now you did that.

[00:14:57] What's the next thing you can do to feel good?

[00:14:59] So I kind of work that way with the procrastination because sometimes some of my clients come to me.

[00:15:04] They're so frozen.

[00:15:06] You know, and they have so much self doubt then that they're afraid to.

[00:15:11] So I just find something small and then it's the first small thing we can take one step,

[00:15:17] just one little step and then we build.

[00:15:20] And I want thing that that I recall from our first leading and even you mentioned it earlier in this conversation

[00:15:30] is you saying that you would, you know, you're a work in progress.

[00:15:34] You, you work yourself with these things.

[00:15:36] I think that's important for all of us to understand is that all of this is a work in progress.

[00:15:42] It's a lot of experience.

[00:15:44] And we have to take the information and learn from it and move forward.

[00:15:49] Yeah, yeah, it's funny because I had one of those things kind of my own procrastination when I was

[00:15:54] like, oh, it would be a procrastination coach.

[00:15:56] And then I'm like, but I still procrastinate who's going to listen to me.

[00:15:59] You know, I need to have my act together before I do this.

[00:16:01] I kind of put it off for a little bit for that reason.

[00:16:04] And it's like, I got to know everything and it's like, no, you don't, you know?

[00:16:08] And I get feedback from my clients all the time because sometimes, you know,

[00:16:12] in group settings or whatever, I'll use my own life as, you know, examples on things.

[00:16:19] And then sometimes I'm like, I can't believe I just set that to you guys.

[00:16:23] I can't believe you know, because I'm like they're going to walk out now.

[00:16:27] You know, but the feedback I get is no, that's real.

[00:16:31] And we're seeing that you go through that.

[00:16:33] That makes me feel better that I'm going through that too so that I can get to the other side.

[00:16:38] So I'm pretty, I'm pretty bare bones with my own.

[00:16:41] Stuff about, you know, my struggles with it.

[00:16:46] And procrastination never goes away.

[00:16:48] It just doesn't.

[00:16:49] It's a matter of learning how not to let it control your life.

[00:16:54] Now, do you have a lot of clients who, I am diagnosed ADHD?

[00:17:02] Is not diagnosed.

[00:17:04] Oh, no, ADHD.

[00:17:06] Yeah, you have a lot of clients who still do have some.

[00:17:10] Yeah, and that is a little bit different.

[00:17:13] I mean, with the ADHD, then we kind of find that type that you are.

[00:17:18] And I do find a lot of them are the perfectionist.

[00:17:22] You know, they have to have a man-band kind of thing.

[00:17:27] Not so much the passive people.

[00:17:29] You know, they're not so much passive procrastinators, but it's kind of like,

[00:17:33] they're either perfectionist or their decision paralysis people like this too many idea.

[00:17:38] I don't know what to do, you know.

[00:17:41] So once I can kind of even with the ADHD kind of come in here and it's like, okay, this is,

[00:17:46] this is kind of the driver of what's happening.

[00:17:48] Let's talk together and find some tools because I've got tools for each type.

[00:17:55] But then still I kind of customize it to you because even though I got a tool that works

[00:18:00] for most perfectionist, maybe that's not quite you.

[00:18:02] So let's find the one that works for you.

[00:18:05] So I kind of try to customize to each individual.

[00:18:11] And how do you deal with the, when the client is as put in fourth effort and working

[00:18:19] and they have a hiccup along the way, how do you help them pass it for me?

[00:18:26] You know, if I have a plan in place and I'm doing it and it's going well,

[00:18:30] if I drop the ball, or to pick it back up.

[00:18:35] So I beat myself up in all of these things.

[00:18:39] Are how do you help clients work through those things?

[00:18:42] Yeah, I helped them go back and see what have you done.

[00:18:48] Where did you start from?

[00:18:50] What steps have you taken so far?

[00:18:53] What things have you conquered so far?

[00:18:56] And then I go back and use that as your touchstone to help you because it's like,

[00:19:01] and I also make it clear that we all have those moments where we had the hiccup.

[00:19:04] So we all have those moments where we thought this piece, this step of my plan should have worked

[00:19:09] and it didn't.

[00:19:11] So you know, you throw your hands up.

[00:19:13] We all have that.

[00:19:14] I've just heard a quote the other day, shoot and I can't remember it now.

[00:19:17] But it's kind of like, I'm going to butcher this.

[00:19:20] But it was kind of like, sometimes we need to fail 16 times to figure out that one way that actually works.

[00:19:29] Right.

[00:19:30] So it's just a matter of figuring out and if you stop who, you know,

[00:19:37] the next one could be the one that works for you.

[00:19:40] And I mean, why don't stop yet because if you just do one more,

[00:19:43] that could have been the one.

[00:19:44] You know?

[00:19:45] So I just really tried to build on just like I said with those baby steps.

[00:19:50] I tried to build on building your confidence with yourself to prove to yourself

[00:19:54] that you're doing it and try to switch some of those limiting beliefs that you've got going on,

[00:20:00] saying, no, I can't or I always screw up or you know,

[00:20:04] I tried to flip those with you by helping you see what you actually are doing because we never know what we're doing.

[00:20:11] You know what I mean?

[00:20:11] I had somebody tell me years and years ago when I was going through something,

[00:20:16] they told me for one day right down everything you do as you do it.

[00:20:22] You know, every single thing you do is you do it at work and I was like, oh, that's stupid.

[00:20:26] I don't do that much and they're like, right down everything.

[00:20:29] I had like five pages of stuff and I'm like, holy cow, you know?

[00:20:35] And you kind of kind of look at it as like I can see that you do a whole lot of stuff.

[00:20:38] I can see all the steps but you don't see it yourself.

[00:20:41] So if you can write them all down even if you do it just for two hours, you read it all down and

[00:20:47] it's like look at it through the eyes of your looking at it.

[00:20:51] With my list, if I read it as if you had done all these things, I'd be really impressed.

[00:20:56] And I mean we just are impressed with ourselves so I try to help look that for you so that you give yourself a little more credit

[00:21:04] because then you can grow it, then you can keep on going.

[00:21:07] Then you're not beating yourself down all the time.

[00:21:11] Right, I like that.

[00:21:13] I tend to be my worst critic.

[00:21:17] You know, but I am always looking for ways to kind of boost other people and to kind of switch my mind

[00:21:28] to thinking, you know, I wouldn't accept someone talking to me the way that I talk to me.

[00:21:33] Yeah, be a little bit nicer to me.

[00:21:36] If I do it for myself.

[00:21:40] Yeah, I mean one other thing I suggest too, this is a silly one and it can work for anything

[00:21:45] you procrastination or whatever.

[00:21:47] Sometimes we bottle it up so much that it's or we're going through something we just feel like

[00:21:54] everything's caving in on us and we're Dorothy sitting in the middle of the tornado with

[00:21:57] everything flying around us.

[00:21:59] So I'm like okay, you set a timer and for 10 minutes an hour you can freak out and go

[00:22:03] down that rabbit hole and be as crazy as you want to be.

[00:22:06] But as soon as that timer goes off for the next 15 minutes,

[00:22:09] you're not allowed to do that.

[00:22:10] You have to keep focusing on something that makes you feel better, focus on something that

[00:22:14] distracts you from it.

[00:22:16] And if it starts to come up, you say no it to a clock I can do it again.

[00:22:21] That allows you to burn it off but not down that rabbit hole so that you can clear it so

[00:22:28] you can keep moving forward.

[00:22:30] I've had to do something similar where I get frustrated with something and it keeps coming back.

[00:22:37] So I'll set the timer for five minutes and make myself focus on that for five minutes.

[00:22:42] And yeah, hey it's done now.

[00:22:46] But like I said try and retreat myself is good.

[00:22:50] Yeah, that's the hardest thing to do sometimes.

[00:22:55] Sometimes I you know secretly admired narcissists and

[00:22:59] you're just like, I'm self-sense.

[00:23:03] Like it must be nice just to move through live knowing that you're right.

[00:23:12] So yeah about the perfectionist.

[00:23:17] What are the different types of procrastinators?

[00:23:20] Okay, the different types.

[00:23:22] I mean people can probably whittle these down to even more than six types or less than six

[00:23:27] types but there's six that I see most often that I work with.

[00:23:31] One is the active procrastinator.

[00:23:34] These people are the ones that will tend to leave something to the very last minute and run

[00:23:38] on a journal and then get it done and they always get it done but the problem is sometimes

[00:23:43] it's not probably the quality it could have been if they had started sooner.

[00:23:49] Then you have the passive procrastinator and they're just kind of sitting back and I'll get it

[00:23:55] and they're almost like waiting for permission to do it.

[00:23:59] You know, they're afraid to kind of take that step.

[00:24:03] Then we got the perfectionist who is making sure everything is perfect

[00:24:08] and sometimes when they do that nothing gets done.

[00:24:15] Or the project they just get in their head so much that they do screw up the project.

[00:24:20] Right, the other one is the decision paralysis.

[00:24:25] This one like I said and this is mine most of the time.

[00:24:29] Too many ideas, too many possibilities looking at all you know all plan A plans E plan double

[00:24:35] C whatever you just don't know what to do when you're checking with people and you're not

[00:24:42] confident in yourself sometimes to just go forward.

[00:24:45] Right and then we have the strategist.

[00:24:49] This one is kind of I kind of get all the strategists in the perfectionist.

[00:24:53] There's some similarities to them but the strategist has it so it's almost like a flow chart.

[00:25:01] You know, they mean very robotic and they will sometimes put things off and it's typically

[00:25:06] things similar too.

[00:25:09] When I make this much money I will do that.

[00:25:12] Okay, yeah.

[00:25:13] But then when they make that much money they're like no I can't do that.

[00:25:16] Yeah, I need this much more money.

[00:25:19] But they've got a strategy and it sounds smart but they keep putting it off because of

[00:25:25] I need to do it this way now.

[00:25:28] And then the last one I work with typically is called the rebel.

[00:25:32] And this one is don't tell me what to do if you're going to tell me to do that.

[00:25:37] I'm going to do it different.

[00:25:38] I mean it's just the rebel, you know it says it by the name.

[00:25:42] So they tend to procrastinate things because somebody told them that they have to do it.

[00:25:46] Right.

[00:25:47] You know told them they have to do it a certain way and so they'll procrastinate that.

[00:25:52] So those are my six main types I work with and of course there's new ons as in each one

[00:25:56] and all of us have aspects of all of them but like I said you tend to gravitate more towards

[00:26:02] one and that's what I work with first and then we come down.

[00:26:08] I could hear elements of myself in a couple of those.

[00:26:14] Yeah, you're some of it made difficult.

[00:26:18] So you we've touched on the emotional aspects of how I feel when I procrastinate but

[00:26:29] what are the connections between the emotions and the cause of the procrastination?

[00:26:38] Yeah that gets a little bit deeper and that's kind of where I have more fun personally.

[00:26:46] Because I like to kind of go down and see where something came from, you know.

[00:26:51] So it and it's different for different people.

[00:26:53] You know sometimes it's the somebody at school said something to you one time and now you're always

[00:26:59] you know thinking that that's true or maybe you failed to test horribly one time and so

[00:27:05] you're I'm a bad taste, test taker all of my life. No you just don't want.

[00:27:10] So it just kind of you know some of its family you know individuals family you know like I said mine

[00:27:16] was self worth and feeling that I deserved it and that kind of goes back to for me being the

[00:27:23] oldest of four and having a lot of responsibility on myself and you got to take care of your

[00:27:27] younger siblings and so it just kind of came up to that and never really told that I was doing

[00:27:34] good but I was also raised by two older children. So you know they just kind of did with their parents

[00:27:40] did. Right, right, yeah. Wow then our son can probably say they were just older children

[00:27:50] and we're thinking with him. So I've dealt with procrastination for my whole life and like I said

[00:28:00] I hear elements of myself and several of those. I almost feel like I've grown through a couple of

[00:28:08] those. Yeah elevated my procrastination game when I recognize these things what types of things

[00:28:16] can I do as an individual to kind of help me redirect myself back to what it is I mean.

[00:28:26] Yeah well the key is being aware that you're doing it and then not beating yourself up because

[00:28:33] you're doing it, you know what I mean? Then it's easier to kind of work through it. So once you're

[00:28:39] aware and you kind of like I said give yourself grace give yourself a break about it then you just

[00:28:45] kind of like you would as a parent you just kind of okay now this is how you learn to tie your shoe.

[00:28:50] Yeah we're going to do it again. So you just get up and go to that one step what's one step I can

[00:28:56] do right now that I know that I can do. Right and you just kind of keep moving forward in that way

[00:29:03] but listen to the things that you're hearing in your head at the same time and maybe kind of

[00:29:08] write them down, you know on a piece of paper near you so you can look at it later because it's

[00:29:13] really important to pay attention to those tapes that we're seeing because once you kind of get

[00:29:19] an idea of what those are then we can start to flip them and then we can start to show you proof

[00:29:24] where that's not the case anymore, you know you're not lazy because look at all these things you did.

[00:29:31] You know you're not bad with money I was a treasure for school for every I mean I was a treasure

[00:29:35] for five different big things but stuck for myself. I think we're up to twice right? So and so

[00:29:43] I go through this thing myself where it's like I'm not real great with money I don't know how to

[00:29:47] invest it overwhelms me but then I have to remind myself girl you are a treasure and all of this stuff

[00:29:53] you did do it. So it's a matter of finding those things in your past even if it's a little

[00:30:00] of something you did to prove to yourself that you did do it you know so that you can be like okay

[00:30:07] take a little baby step with that I did do it once before I can do it again you know you

[00:30:13] knew how to write it by once you'll learn how to do it again. Right and then the issue for me

[00:30:21] those baby steps I'm like yeah that's fine but we need to be way over here yeah but that's a

[00:30:29] just like I said with that you're driving from California to New York you can't driving

[00:30:33] you're not going to get there overnight you know so you have to give yourself that space to do it yeah

[00:30:41] you need to be way over there it's due whenever but you can only do as much as you can do and

[00:30:47] you need to recognize that so that because if you keep on pushing it yourself and beating on

[00:30:54] yourself instead of it taking five days to get across the country it's going to take you two weeks

[00:31:00] when you meet because you just kept sitting there angry. Right and that's that's one thing that

[00:31:10] that I've realized is that I can do it and deal with whatever I think is going to happen or

[00:31:19] I'm going to have to fix after the fact or I can sit here and not do it and try and figure out all

[00:31:25] the things I know during the pandemic we had a screened porch and we're sitting in the live and

[00:31:33] room and I said you know I really want to redo the screened porch I want to paint and I want to

[00:31:38] I had found this Pinterest hack with paint drop cloths used in the streets and I said I think

[00:31:45] want to do the the screen porch and he said oh okay and he got up and he came back in and

[00:31:52] he's putting shoes on I said where are you going let's go to lows hmm we're just going to do it now

[00:31:58] we've got a band we got a band but that was me you know I knew what I wanted but if it was for

[00:32:06] that push from him I've been sitting here to this day still trying to plan making sure I have

[00:32:12] right type of paint in the right yeah yeah so yeah I guess that I can see myself and some of those

[00:32:21] you know several levels different types yeah and just like I said you shouldn't really share

[00:32:26] everything with everybody because you got the nasirs it's really important to have that

[00:32:31] one or two people that you could have to kind of remind you who you are so that you can't keep going

[00:32:36] just like you know in the situation you said there it's like he's like all right let's go

[00:32:40] right on you the wait but it's it's really helpful to have that space or that community or whatever

[00:32:49] you know or coach you know because I mean when I work with my clients I'm

[00:32:56] tax me anytime I can I'll respond to your text you know if I can or respond to it fairly quickly

[00:33:02] if you need that just a little push or that you know reminder of who you are you know um

[00:33:11] sometimes we need to hear that from outside because those tapes are so embedded in us especially

[00:33:16] when we get to certain ages you know it's like it's so embedded that we just need that hand

[00:33:23] to help us a little bit right and it's funny I think that you talk about the tapes that are inside

[00:33:31] but we also have like pressure from outside and society says this and says that and it sounds great

[00:33:40] but you are a procrastination coaching you have clients you work with so that tells us that everyone

[00:33:47] you know everyone doesn't have it together except for me you know so it's it's good to hear these

[00:33:54] that others struggle in types of things because what we see put out there is always you know

[00:34:04] my friend watches on YouTube people who have these cleaning channels and organizing

[00:34:10] and their homes look like something from at a log and I'm thinking why would you watch that

[00:34:19] and put that much pressure on yourself yeah for me it's a good day if you know I do the

[00:34:26] laundry and it gets put away yeah yeah yeah yeah now sometimes too you have to wonder it's like okay

[00:34:34] they've got that space that they're going to tape what's the rest of that what's the

[00:34:39] black enough to do that you know because it's the interior designers who do fantastic work but

[00:34:47] live in order place you know what am I it's right doing for others kind of thing comes

[00:34:55] and yeah it sounds like in addition to the coaching portion you're also you're the two

[00:35:02] later you're the advocate for them yeah yeah look good coach should be too you know to just

[00:35:08] kind of like let's go you can do this so yeah it's it's just um i mean the pressure that society puts

[00:35:16] nobody is like that that's the thing it's like the magazines that you see that you're supposed

[00:35:21] to have this kind of body or you're supposed to have this kind of job or whatever it doesn't work

[00:35:26] for everybody I mean I have two kids they both went to college well my daughter went to college

[00:35:31] did great had no I knew she would my son from the time he was young I was like he's he's not

[00:35:38] college material he's smart but he wasn't traditional college material and his dad pushed that and

[00:35:46] you know after a semester he was just so depressed you know and I'm like drop out and as soon

[00:35:51] as he did he started flourishing so that's it being it's like you gotta look at the society things

[00:35:57] in the social media things with the grain of salt right as it fits you or doesn't fit you who are

[00:36:03] you really you know how how do you want to feel your happiness like you said if I get the laundry

[00:36:10] done today that's a good day right there's better there's other things you do that you feel better

[00:36:16] about that treat you I think that for me it trying to combat those tapes that's my big thing

[00:36:26] yeah is thankfully the outside world I'm really not too concerned yeah I'm really not too concerned

[00:36:32] with so it's those the inside tapes you know I'm trying to constantly undo yeah so it's it like

[00:36:43] I said it it's motivating for me and it helps me to hear that there are others who struggle with

[00:36:49] those things everybody does everybody I will I mean maybe an narcissist doesn't but everybody

[00:36:56] does because we all have that kind of stuff and and just like you know with fear in general with fear

[00:37:05] fear is going to prove you right you know what I mean and the same thing with procrastination

[00:37:10] is same thing with those tapes it'll prove you can find anything in your life to prove that one piece

[00:37:14] right and then hang on to it and hold it as your badge of honor and this is how I am it's like

[00:37:20] nope but she did all these other things too you know that's why I started looking at this and you

[00:37:25] know that the new generation of the golden girls that I was playing with it's like okay yeah you were

[00:37:32] parent for all these years or maybe you were you know an executive for all these years but who do

[00:37:38] you want to be now because you're still there is just you don't you just take that jacket off

[00:37:44] there's still you underneath it and let's just excavate that and keep moving well that's

[00:37:52] we're entering that phase of life where it's we're removing one hope and putting on another so yeah

[00:38:01] at that resonates with me I'll be 50 in June and so um it's a good feeling but it's a time

[00:38:12] it's an adjustment yeah still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up

[00:38:18] oh my I'm 63 I'll be 63 in a couple weeks and I'm feel the same it's like who do I want to be

[00:38:24] but I think it's just life because life has changed right bottom line life has changed and so we're all

[00:38:31] changing all the time so who do you want to be today you know who are you at your core I mean I also work

[00:38:38] with my clients like one of the first sessions I have with them is helping you to recognize your

[00:38:44] core values and your anti values and once we know your top 10 core values and anti values

[00:38:50] that you can use as a as like a compass to almost like recognize oh does this does what I'm doing

[00:38:58] here match who I am at my values and if it doesn't then readjust come back into your values

[00:39:07] and it's a it's a big thing for me to have permission to readjust

[00:39:15] I'm one of those people that I get stuck in one direction and when it's time to pivot or if

[00:39:24] some reason I have to switch directions sometimes it feels like a failure when it's just you're

[00:39:32] gonna different route yeah yeah it's just a detour on the road to California or you know for

[00:39:37] New York it's just how you take a deeper but you still get there so I poured through your site

[00:39:45] and your Facebook page and Facebook page is still under construction

[00:39:53] the quizzes the challenges all of those things are wonderful so for our listeners if you would

[00:40:00] let them know where they can find some of the information if they want to learn more about your

[00:40:06] services where can they find you yeah well my website is jameygipsen.com it's jam ijibsln.com

[00:40:18] I do a blog post every week on procrastination or some sort of thing that's dealing with it so

[00:40:24] there's lots of information there and you can contact me there if you're interested in getting

[00:40:29] hold of me I also have my Facebook page it's a private Facebook group it's called mind over procrastination

[00:40:37] and in there I'm going to be starting to do some free challenges like some free five-day

[00:40:43] challenges to kind of work through it I've got one that I'm kind of playing together with here

[00:40:48] that's on motivation if I've managed to get your motivation going so you know it's it's a community

[00:40:55] we're all there to support each other you know ask questions I mean yeah I'm running the group but

[00:41:01] my goal is to have it be a community where everybody's supporting everybody else not just me

[00:41:07] you know leading it so I wanted to be like a family kind of thing and healthy family

[00:41:17] right there again it feels good to see others going same things and to know

[00:41:25] you know you can present a question or an issue and have someone say oh yeah that happened or

[00:41:31] because a lot of times we feel like we're alone if we look at media puts out we feel like

[00:41:38] that's it so yeah and I mean it's you know you're going to be 50 soon in my 60s

[00:41:47] it's not the same world that my parents were when we were writing you know what I mean

[00:41:51] it's like there were no rolling stones and Stevie Nicks when my parents were 50 and 60 years

[00:41:57] long right so they're kind of like my you know idols or not idols but you know

[00:42:04] those beacons that there are still in their 70s and 80s you know why can't I so you just kind of

[00:42:11] have to give yourself that permission to do it and not procrastinate it and just if you fall so

[00:42:17] you get up and keep going. Go on exactly I think people are uh uh procrastinate because they're

[00:42:26] scared at the change. Yeah they are very much so yeah coming out of your comfort zone can be

[00:42:33] really scary. And now when you get a definite it's right. Yeah yeah yeah but you know the alternative

[00:42:42] is I mean that's cool if you're happy with where you are and you don't want to change that's

[00:42:47] but I work with people who are feeling unsatisfied and feeling frustrated but they don't know

[00:42:55] how to get to the other side of it. Right so that's okay. I you know work with those people but if

[00:43:00] if you're happy with the way you've got your life set up and your comfort zone and fantastic

[00:43:05] I'm excited for you I really truly am right I want to help those people who aren't because there's no

[00:43:11] reason to be you've got decades still to go. You don't want to feel this way for decades.

[00:43:18] Right and that's definitely a needed thing because and I think too with coaching coming to

[00:43:26] mainstream at this point um to have those resources that maybe weren't available

[00:43:34] 10 15 years ago to know that there is someone so that when you're feeling that that shift or

[00:43:40] that that's specific guidance to help you through it. Yeah definitely well but it's on I enjoy it

[00:43:49] I enjoy doing it. I mean I enjoy getting it too you know having my own coach I really enjoy that

[00:43:56] but I love helping people too and then that gives you things that you can write out and you can look

[00:44:03] back and say no I am feeling wonderful because I help this person. Yeah yeah yeah it's like okay

[00:44:09] you do know some things but yeah I mean I'm I'm gonna be honest with you. I sometimes I will have

[00:44:14] those moments where I'm like down on myself because like I've been going through a thing right now

[00:44:20] that there's been some procrastination going on but it's it's there's kind of a reason for it

[00:44:27] kind of not the kind of but I'm getting down on myself because I'm not doing it and it's like but

[00:44:33] you know so I have to stop getting down on myself so I can at least take small steps maybe I'm

[00:44:38] gonna get it done as fast but I can still take small steps instead of sit here and just

[00:44:43] pout you know so I still deal with my own stuff you know but I recognize it and it's like all right

[00:44:51] let's have a talk here. Right make a step go get a lollipop let's go.

[00:44:57] Good thing is you can you have the information to motivate yourself and

[00:45:02] yeah well not always successfully but I've got it so that's good. I got my moments trust me I do

[00:45:11] that's what I got some friends that I reach out to and say help you know help tell me everything's okay

[00:45:19] well it's been a test wait thank you so much for your time for sharing your new we'll make sure to post

[00:45:28] everything so that our listeners can find you we appreciate this we've learned about ourselves

[00:45:37] and our procrastination especially in a couple it's nice to know what each of you are so that

[00:45:43] you know how to help each other with your individual procrastination styles right and not

[00:45:50] use it as a weapon right or create conflict yeah yeah thank you for joining us we appreciate your time

[00:46:02] thank you for having me. Thanks for joining us on this episode of the Beyond I do podcast.

[00:46:22] Please make sure to like this episode and also subscribe to our podcast you can also find us on

[00:46:29] Facebook, Instagram and YouTube at the Beyond I do podcast. And until next time we will hallowed each other.